Many of my clients shake their heads when I ask how often they have ‘date night’. “Who has time for that!” they say. I polled my Facebook friends about it and heard crickets. Why do so many cringe when asked if they do date night?
Here is what I’ve heard…
They have no support system or a weak one at best. A support system is a group of people you can count on for anything and this includes watching your children. Some only trust family to watch over the kiddies so this limits the size of their group. Some don’t have family close by. Some just don’t trust their family. Babysitters cost money, are strangers, and it takes effort to find one. It all comes down to trust.
Another reason is they either don’t have the time
or don’t make the time. Most moms and dads are working parents with calendars full of kid activities, meetings, appointments and family obligations. After you’ve attended all the scheduled events, who has the energy to get all dolled up and go out? In this example it all comes down to energy.
You understand that you need to learn to trust others, but how can this occur when you don’t have a high amount of energy to start?
The answer is to build up your “date night energy reserve”… together. Try out this action plan:
1. Build a strong foundation with a solid support system.
Make it a priority that you have dependable babysitters. The large the system the more options you have and it feels good to have options.
If family is untrustworthy, can you put into words why this is? Try to have an honest conversation with them and share your frustrations. If it’s not worth the energy find a few babysitters. Ask parents at daycare, at school or on social media for recommendations. Do any of your neighbors have a local babysitter they depend on? Once you have found a few people, have some test runs while you’re home. This will make you feel good about leaving your kids with others. It’s also great for the kids too to learn about trust.
2. Find the time by brainstorming.
Ask yourself what would you do if you did go out on date night? What would the perfect night look and feel like? What would it feel like afterwards? Dare to dream even bigger by imagining a dream vacation for just the two of you. By building excitement around plans your energy levels will rise as will your chances to commit to a special date.