Member Articles

Write an article!

Boost Your Self Confidence, Boost Your Career

Stop sabotaging yourself with low self esteem

by Jill Frank  |  1950 views  |  6 comments  |        Rate this now! 

I consider myself lucky – I am surrounded by amazing women.  They are smart, successful, witty, passionate, and more. So, I’m shocked when I listen to these very people put themselves down.  How it is that someone who is so great can have doubts about their value?  I (and most others) see their accomplishments and their potential while they worry about their perceived failures and shortcomings.

A lack of self-confidence can manifest itself with arrogant or self-deprecating behavior, and is dangerous to your career. Our fears and insecurities are directly linked to our level of confidence.  If you aren’t confident in your abilities and the value you offer, how can you expect someone else to be?  In the end, you could very well be passed up for the promotion you want. 

What happens to people who are unsure of their value?  At the extreme, they don’t take risks and they set goals that are too low for fear of failure.  Often, they don’t feel that they deserve success, money, promotions, etc. and may settle for less than what is easily attainable.  For people who suffer from occasional declines in their confidence level, they can be afraid to voice their opinions, they might focus on the disadvantages of new opportunities, and have a harder time reaching their goals.   

On the other hand, successful professionals are dynamic, decisive, and courageous.  But you can't possess these traits without being confident.

What most people don’t realize is that our actions are perpetuating the problem, not improving it.  If you suffer from severe self-esteem issues, please see a mental health professional, but if you're just seeking to improve your confidence levels, check out these five tips:

1.) Stop the self-sabotaging behaviors. As Work It, Mom!'s Kathy Howe points out over at Who Stole My Stapler, if you keep saying you're stupid, people will believe that you'r stupid. Every time that you start to put yourself down, either in conversation or in your own head, stop.  Replace the negative thought with a positive one.  When someone compliments you, simply say “Thank you.”  Instead of asking “Why me?” ask “Why not me?” 

2.) Don’t expect yourself to be perfect.  It’s great to have high expectations, but remember that you can’t be good at everything.  Accept the fact that you have weaknesses – you are human.  Put yourself in a position where you are building on your strengths and not overcoming your weaknesses.  The more successes you experience, the more your confidence will rise. 

3.) Surround yourself with friends and colleagues who are supportive.  Let go of relationships with people who feel compelled to point out all of your weaknesses.  If you can’t separate yourself from those people, put it in perspective and limit your interaction with them.  People like this typically make themselves feel better by putting down those they find intimidating. 

About the Author

Jill Frank is an executive career coach to working moms. Are ready to be a mom that has it all? Get her FREE special report, “How to Control the Chaos and Eliminate Unnecessary Stress” and FREE career tips for working moms at www.leverageyourtalent.com/ezine.htm.

Read more by Jill Frank

6 comments so far...

  • It's funny how men have no problem tooting their own horn but many women think it's "unlady-like" to do so. Over the years, I've learned it's a different ball game in Corporate America, so there's nothing wrong with knowing you're good - or even the BEST - at what you do.

    However, there's also a thin line that must be tread very carefully. Nowadays, I struggle to strike the balance between being confident and being humble. And I definitely want to avoid the "A" word - arrogant. Although it isn't a nice characteristic for anyone, it's even less acceptable in the workplace for a woman to be arrogant than it is for a man. How's that for double standard?

    Go figure. LOL

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Single Ma on 2nd February 2008

  • Thank you, thank you, thank you. I saw this article at a time when I am facing huge turmoil at the office. I want to quit my job but can't until I find another one. I've been applying to several places but haven't heard from them. My friends describe me as smart, intelligent and great at my work. But I've been plagued by self-doubt of late. I'm taking a printout of this and will read it again before I go to bed tonight. Once again, thank you. :)

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by A Lost Writer on 2nd February 2008

  • Excellent article. Love how you narrowed it down to 5 points. Thank you for doing that.Points 1 and 4 are extremely important. And last but not at all least, number 5, taking care of yourself, should be a sign on our tables and desks!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by projecthope7 on 1st February 2008

  • Great tips. Thanks for this, Jill. I think you sum up exactly the kind of positive attitude that women need! I learned so many bad habits from my mother and I had to unlearn them in my 20s. (For example, she would never accept praise, and she "trained" me to do the same.) I really want my daughter to grow up to be confident!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Diane on 1st February 2008

  • Positive article. Thanks!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by MarcomMom on 31st January 2008

  • Love this article! It's a good reminder to be supportive of yourself, not just others!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by mommy2kiera on 31st January 2008

Work Life Balance Stories

Check out our best tips for balancing work and home life.

Quick & Easy recipes

Browse our favorite quick and easy recipes, perfect for busy moms.

Ask & Answer Questions

What working moms are talking about on our question board!