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Putting My Marriage First

A Speak Your Mind essay

by Lori Daly  |  4325 views  |  3 comments  |        Rate this now! 

What do you do to maintain (and put the spark in!) your marriage or relationship as you juggle work and taking care of kids and other responsibilities?

I have been happily married for almost 10 years and keeping the spark in my marriage has not always been easy. But if you give your marriage and your spouse the attention they deserve you will not only keep the flame alive, but also make it burn brighter. It is important to say hello and good-bye. I know the mornings are harried and the evenings more so, but make time to kiss good-bye and hello. It is not going to kill you to stop what you are doing and smooch. Be careful you are not sidetracked. See where I am going with this?

Make time for the two of you. No excuses! On the weekends, send the kids to bed early and do not watch TV, do not put on a movie. Instead, play a board game or cards…do something that will get you talking and engaged with one another. Do not be too competitive or you can end up not speaking at all. Board games too tame for you? Take a bath together. Put on some good music. Let him pick. Even if it is not mood music, he will be happy and that will make it easier for him to get into a tub of bubbles. Once you are both in the tub, you will have a chance to reconnect, literally. Reconnecting after a long hectic week is what the two of you as a couple need.

Do not spend every weekend with friends or doing things that are taxing on your nerves, which end up being taxing on your relationship. Instead, slow down and take time for the two of you like you did when you were dating. Be kind to one another. Offer to make the other tea or something calming. Offer the other a back rub. Above all, slow down and remember that your relationship is the foundation of your family and if the foundation is in disrepair the family could fall apart as a result.

I am a firm believer in putting my marriage first. In doing so, I am building a strong foundation for my family. My husband and I are happy and loving with one another, we project that onto our son, and he in turn is happy and loving in the world.

3 comments so far...

  • I really liked the idea of doing things at home too. We are still on graduate students incomes, so we don't have a lot of "play money" I find shipping your husband overseas 3 weeks out of every month to help keep the spark alive too. lol the minute my husband walks through the door I'm on him like flies on poop. We are able to appreciate each other a lot more. Of course he lives with his dad, who cleans up for him and cooks for him, so it isnt AS different for him. except for the sex part. lol it truly amazes me how much he does when he comes home, and how much i need him.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by spazzmom on 15th August 2007

  • Great article! I totally agree - slowing down is the key in my marriage. We tend to over commit ourselves, especially on the weekends. Sometimes, I'm actually thrilled when Monday comes around because my life goes back to normal and I have some solo time in the office. But my husband and I often tell each other that we need to not have 100 things to do on the weekend and just treat it as time for rest and relaxation. That's usually when you do have time for each other!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Victoria on 1st August 2007

  • I love that these suggestions are for things to do at home, rather than the typical blanket recommendation to "have regular date-nights out!" It's refreshing to hear some different, simple, FREE ideas for spending quality time with one's spouse. My husband and I sacrificed more than half our household income when our first child was born three years ago, to ensure that our girls would spend their days with a parent instead of at daycare; the trade-off is that there is NO disposable income for babysitters or dates out. Thus, I get very tired of the usual "you MUST go out to dinner and a movie with your husband on a regular basis to keep the spark alive!" type of advice. Thanks for some more reasonable thoughts on this issue!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Shannon Hyland-Tassava on 30th July 2007