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Keeping that Spark: It can be done!

A Speak Your Mind essay

by MaryP  |  5439 views  |  4 comments  |        Rate this now! 

Maintaining that spark...

Maybe it's just me, but for me, this topic is about SEX. How do you keep the sex light burning through the haze of children, obligations, children, fatigue, time constraints, children, activities, and oh, children?


Most of you are probably parents of preschoolers. Some of you may even have kindergarten kids. I know what you're saying--I know, because I have three kids of my own.

  • "With a baby, I'm just too tired."
  • "I'm up four times a night, and I'm expected to be up for sex, too??"
  • "I'd like to, but WHEN?"
  • "I have no privacy!"
  • "I smell like sour milk half the time. I just don't feel sexy."
  • "I have this baby belly and these droopy, leaky breasts. I just don't feel sexy."

I have three kids. I've been there. And I'm telling you now - MEH.

Try these on for size:

  • "My son is never home from work till 2 a.m., and I just can't sleep till I know he's home safely, and I have to be up at six. I'm EXHAUSTED."
  • "Their birthday party was supposed to end at midnight, but the last kid didn't leave until 3:30, and we spent half the night trying to track down an AWOL parent."
  • "I'd like to, but WHEN??"
  • "My perimenopausal hormones are all over the map ... I just don't feel sexy."
  • "I have this mid-life butt and these droopy, middle-aged breasts. I just don't feel sexy."

Babies wake up six times a night. Teenagers NEVER GO TO BED. Babies need nursing. Teenagers need rides home just when things were hotting up at home. Babies need cuddling and soothing. Teenagers have a social crisis that must be resolved NOW.

You know what I decided years ago? Children have a vested interest, conscious or not, in ensuring that parents NEVER have a chance to make another sibling. It's a conspiracy! A conspiracy that we parents must resist!

And just think: When you have a six-month-old, if you're quiet, you can have sex IN THE VERY SAME ROOM as your child. You know you can. C'mon... You know you've done it. Here's a challenge for you: Just try THAT with a sixteen-YEAR-old. Because the 16-year-old? She KNOWS what you're doing. AND IT'S GROSS!

So, if you're going to wait for the kids to co-operate? You'll NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN. Is this what you want? Really? Sooo... how do you keep that spark? (For parents of with at-home kids of any age!)

  • Be flexible. It doesn't have to be at night. It doesn't have to be in bed. (A quickie in the shower is a great way to start the day. EVERYONE has a shower in the morning, and the water masks a lot of background noises...)
  • Be creative. (If mom and dad are spooning in bed and a kid bursts in, mom and dad are just... spooning in bed. LIE STILL, and no one will be any the wiser...)
  • Make the most of small opportunities. (Ten minutes every couple of days may not be as good as two hours - but it's a helluva lot better than nothing...)
  • Maintain a sense of humour. (If your breasts spurt milk up his nose at the penultimate moment, if you toddler cries out just before you cry out, if your teen rattles your doorknob just as you're rattling the bed ...) LAUGH. Laugh, and try, try again.
  • Go easy on yourself. Your body may not be what it once was, but if your partner still wants it... 'Nuff said!

About the Author

Mother of three (teens), step-mother of five (teens), home daycare operator of five (todders), and STILL SANE!! NOTHING is impossible...

Read more by MaryP

4 comments so far...

  • So, um, how do you get this program to leave spaces between paragraphs? I tried anglebracket br, etc., but it didn't work...

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by MaryP on 26th July 2007

  • Thanks, Sheri! "Married-with-children sex life" is a MUCH better way of expressing it than the "s*x with children" I kept having to take OUT of this essay... eeewwww....

    Nataly - I once had a blog entitled "I Don't Know How You Do It", in fact, because I hear that so often. I think, in some ways, it gets easier with more than one, because your attention is not so highly focussed. You're too distracted to obsess, and this is a Good Thing. :-)

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by MaryP on 26th July 2007

  • Love this essay. An honest representation of a married with children sex life.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Sheri on 26th July 2007

  • MaryP - what a great essay! And I love your byline - although I don't know how you do it! I have one daughter who is 3 and I am on the brink of losing my mind most days:)

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Nataly on 25th July 2007