Member Articles

OK, so I fell off the diet wagon -- HARD. Luckily, my ass is so fat that it broke my fall and it barely hurt at all. But, it did get me thinking of all the reasons why I just can't seem to lose these extra pounds that are clinging to me for dear life. So I have come up with a list: The Top Ten Reasons I Have a Muffin Top. (For those of you that don't know what a muffin top is, put on a pair of jeans that are too tight and top it off with a spandex shirt and you will quickly learn the meaning of the phrase.)

10.) I was going for a J-Lo booty and just went too far.

9.) Watching FitTv doesn't actually burn calories.

8.) Whenever I have free time, I choose to take a shower over exercising.

7.) Although it makes me sweat profusely, paying bills is not actually exercise.

6.) I feel it necessary to finish the uneaten food on my children's plates, because in this economy, who am I to waste food?

5.) I spend all day sitting around with my feet up eating bon-bons (HA! Yeah right!).

4.) I love Ben and Jerry's. 'Nuff said.

3.) I spend so much time in front of my computer that the radioactive waves coming off the device are mutating my genetics in such a way that makes it impossible for me to lose weight.

2.) I don't want my husband to feel insecure that I will leave him if I get a rockin' bod.

And the number one reason I have a muffin top is...

1.) BLOGGING DOES NOT COUNT AS EXERCISE!