Comments on: The Tug-of-War http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 03:47:36 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Define "Working Mom." OK, You're All Correct - The 36-Hour Day - Work It, Mom! http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-300 Define "Working Mom." OK, You're All Correct - The 36-Hour Day - Work It, Mom! Mon, 17 Mar 2008 05:23:48 +0000 http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-300 [...] wasn’t on leave (nor near what I thought it should be, but we’ve already discussed the unrealistic expectations I had for my first maternity leave), but still, I was churning them out as best as I [...] [...] wasn’t on leave (nor near what I thought it should be, but we’ve already discussed the unrealistic expectations I had for my first maternity leave), but still, I was churning them out as best as I [...]

]]> By: Work It, Mom! | A Community for Working Moms http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-124 Work It, Mom! | A Community for Working Moms Mon, 31 Dec 2007 05:49:47 +0000 http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-124 [...] was painting my big kids’ bedrooms. (Yeah, the painting I mentioned a few weeks back, the stuff I thought I’d do during my first maternity leave — more than three years [...] [...] was painting my big kids’ bedrooms. (Yeah, the painting I mentioned a few weeks back, the stuff I thought I’d do during my first maternity leave — more than three years [...]

]]> By: missy http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-103 missy Sat, 22 Dec 2007 21:50:31 +0000 http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-103 I play the guilt war in my head everyday. I work part time as an oncology nurse. I keep telling myself that my patients need me. In some ways more so then my two year old daughter. I love my day-care lady, and so does my daughter. She has a blast there. All this things help a little to ease the war in my head. But it's there....Why do we do this to ourselves? I play the guilt war in my head everyday. I work part time as an oncology nurse. I keep telling myself that my patients need me. In some ways more so then my two year old daughter. I love my day-care lady, and so does my daughter. She has a blast there. All this things help a little to ease the war in my head. But it’s there….Why do we do this to ourselves?

]]> By: Lylah http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-65 Lylah Wed, 05 Dec 2007 20:13:29 +0000 http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-65 Alana, it's good to know that I wasn't the only one with big expectations for myself! I felt that guilt, too, that nagging voice in the back of my head going, "well, you WERE home all day..." You have not wasted your time at all. If you need to put a positive spin on it, think of it this way: You've created some wonderful memories of a time when your daughter was tiny. Good for you for finishing your Christmas shopping... with that out of the way already, you'll be able to enjoy the rest of your leave so much more. Alana, it’s good to know that I wasn’t the only one with big expectations for myself! I felt that guilt, too, that nagging voice in the back of my head going, “well, you WERE home all day…”

You have not wasted your time at all. If you need to put a positive spin on it, think of it this way: You’ve created some wonderful memories of a time when your daughter was tiny.

Good for you for finishing your Christmas shopping… with that out of the way already, you’ll be able to enjoy the rest of your leave so much more.

]]> By: alanaransley http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-64 alanaransley Wed, 05 Dec 2007 05:28:51 +0000 http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-64 I have been on maternity leave for ten weeks, and go back to work on December 17th. While I have spent much of the time just holding my daughter, I have also had grand plans of what I would accomplish while on leave. I feel so guilty every day that the house isn't clean by the time my husband comes home, or that dinner isn't cooked. I feel like I am wasting time by just sitting still and relaxing, even though I know that's what I am supposed to be doing. I am going to try really hard to scale back what I do between now and the time I return to work, especially since I finished my Christmas shopping already! I have been on maternity leave for ten weeks, and go back to work on December 17th. While I have spent much of the time just holding my daughter, I have also had grand plans of what I would accomplish while on leave. I feel so guilty every day that the house isn’t clean by the time my husband comes home, or that dinner isn’t cooked. I feel like I am wasting time by just sitting still and relaxing, even though I know that’s what I am supposed to be doing. I am going to try really hard to scale back what I do between now and the time I return to work, especially since I finished my Christmas shopping already!

]]> By: Lylah http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-63 Lylah Wed, 05 Dec 2007 03:17:34 +0000 http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-63 Daisy, that's such a good point. I wonder about that, too -- sometimes, I think that they must, and other times, I marvel at the way my husband can work at home some days and not even think about any of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, picking up, or general stuff that distracts me so when I'm working from home. I think he and I just might be wired differently... but then I think, no one calls him a Working Dad... Daisy, that’s such a good point. I wonder about that, too — sometimes, I think that they must, and other times, I marvel at the way my husband can work at home some days and not even think about any of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, picking up, or general stuff that distracts me so when I’m working from home. I think he and I just might be wired differently… but then I think, no one calls him a Working Dad…

]]> By: Daisy http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-62 Daisy Wed, 05 Dec 2007 03:03:58 +0000 http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-62 We moms use so many metaphors; juggling, balancing act, tug-of-war -- do dads feel the same conflicts? I think many of today's dads do. We moms use so many metaphors; juggling, balancing act, tug-of-war — do dads feel the same conflicts? I think many of today’s dads do.

]]> By: Lylah http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-61 Lylah Tue, 04 Dec 2007 18:58:42 +0000 http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-61 You are so lucky that you were able to work out such a great arrangement with your company! I think the 50%-50% split is the ideal for a lot of people... maybe someday we'll get that... You are so lucky that you were able to work out such a great arrangement with your company! I think the 50%-50% split is the ideal for a lot of people… maybe someday we’ll get that…

]]> By: Leandra http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-60 Leandra Tue, 04 Dec 2007 17:58:21 +0000 http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-60 After my son was born I quit. And then immeditely freaked out and asked for my job back. Part time. Fortunately for me the company I worked for allowed me to work part time so it worked out great. A couple of months ago we were watching a news story about "THE MOMMY WARS!!" and hubs asked me if I could have it any way I wanted, how would I want it. 50%-50% I replied. I could work and feel satisfied AND be a mommy and feel satisfied. After my son was born I quit. And then immeditely freaked out and asked for my job back. Part time. Fortunately for me the company I worked for allowed me to work part time so it worked out great.

A couple of months ago we were watching a news story about “THE MOMMY WARS!!” and hubs asked me if I could have it any way I wanted, how would I want it. 50%-50% I replied. I could work and feel satisfied AND be a mommy and feel satisfied.

]]> By: Lylah http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-59 Lylah Tue, 04 Dec 2007 17:56:52 +0000 http://workitmom.com/bloggers/36hourday/2007/12/03/the-tug-of-war/#comment-59 Nataly, that's OK, just the support and sympathy is welcome! And writing a book while on leave is AMAZING! KC, I was really lucky -- L was born in October, and I have a bit of seniority in my company, so I was able to scrape together all of my vacation time and sick time from 2004, when she was born, AND 2005, in order to take that much time off. Like most places, maternity leave in our company is unpaid, but I'm grateful to have had the vacation time and sick time to burn through. Kathy, you make a good point about how one can reduce guilt by keeping the focus on where you are at the moment. I need to get better at that. I have managed to scale back the tug-of-war a bit, but it's always there for me... Nataly, that’s OK, just the support and sympathy is welcome! And writing a book while on leave is AMAZING!

KC, I was really lucky — L was born in October, and I have a bit of seniority in my company, so I was able to scrape together all of my vacation time and sick time from 2004, when she was born, AND 2005, in order to take that much time off. Like most places, maternity leave in our company is unpaid, but I’m grateful to have had the vacation time and sick time to burn through.

Kathy, you make a good point about how one can reduce guilt by keeping the focus on where you are at the moment. I need to get better at that. I have managed to scale back the tug-of-war a bit, but it’s always there for me…

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