In one of my all-time favorite movies, This is Spinal Tap, aging rockstar David St. Hubbins muses, “It’s such a fine line between stupid, and … clever.”

There are times when I traipse across this fine line daily, at home and at work. Usually, though, I’m going from clever to stupid.

The Clever: L.’s hideously croupy cough resurfaced a few weeks ago, and I took her to the doctor. Our pediatrician wasn’t in, so the appointment was with one of her colleauges, whom we’d never seen before, but hey, my child was sick and had been for a while, it was starting to affect her sleep and her school, and so I took her in.

The Fine Line: The doctor we saw didn’t know us, didn’t take more than a minute to listen to her breathe semi-deeply exactly four times (without coughing), and didn’t take more than 30 seconds or so jump to a big conclusion about me — that I must be an overly anxious, first-time mom who felt guilty about sending her kid to daycare — and diagnose accordingly. Read the rest of this entry »

A long time ago, my grandmother told me that I’d have to choose: I could either be sweet and well-liked (and make do with whatever the world decided to hand to me) or I could be aggressive, go after what I want, and be considered a bitch.

I didn’t believe her.

But she was right.

I had a pretty stark reminder of this at work some time ago. We were down a person, and the projects were piling up. One that was in pretty bad shape landed on my desk, and I threw myself into it 110 percent. Read the rest of this entry »

When I was on maternity leave with L., and again with O., I was still writing freelance stories. The number of stories I wrote was no where near what it was when I wasn’t on leave (nor near what I thought it should be, but we’ve already discussed the unrealistic expectations I had for my first maternity leave), but still, I was churning them out as best as I could.

I remember being frustrated by the difficulty of trying to write with an infant who refused to nap and a toddler who wanted to play and no childcare in sight. I remember wishing that our older kids could help me more as I ran downstairs to referee some argument or another, a half-written article up on the screen in my home office, my train of thought long gone by the time I had calmed the chaos enough to return to the computer. I remember fuming that my husband could go to the office to work, but I had to schedule and wrangle time to complete an assignment on deadline from home.

I remember thinking that I wasn’t working because, well, I wasn’t at work. I wasn’t commuting anywhere on a daily basis. I had no meetings to attend. I didn’t even fit into my work clothes. I was drawing a paycheck because I had cobbled together my vacation time and my sick time, not because I was at the office. So, while on leave, even though I was a mom and I was working, I didn’t think of myself as a “working mom.”

I couldn’t have been more wrong. Read the rest of this entry »

Last week, the New Jersey State Senate approved legislation that would grant employees paid maternity or dependent-care leave, making New Jersey one of only three states in the US to pay workers who need time off to care for a new child or a sick relative.

That’s right. Three.

Did you know that the United States and Australia are the only two industrialized countries in the world that do not offer paid leave to new mothers? And moms in the Outback have a sweeter deal than we do; in Australia, your job is protected for a year, but in the United States new working moms only get that guarantee for 12 weeks. In fact, according to a 2005 article by the Associated Press, “…out of 168 nations in a Harvard University study last year, 163 had some form of paid maternity leave, leaving the United States in the company of Lesotho, Papua New Guinea and Swaziland.”

Yes, you read that correctly.

But there is hope, at least in New Jersey. According to the New York Times article, “Those taking the leave would be eligible for two-thirds of their salary, up to a maximum of $524 a week, for six weeks.” That’s less than the $917 per week California offers, but is more than twice what Washington State allows. Similar legislation has stalled out in New York, but the New York bill only offered $170 a week, so even if it had passed it might not have been much of a help to workers in urban areas. (Come on… realistically speaking, $170 might make a difference in, say, Cayuga County, but it’s a drop in the bucket if you live in The Bronx.) Read the rest of this entry »

My kids are tucked in bed, snoring softly. My husband went to bed a couple hours ago. Even the dog is asleep. And here I am, typing…

Last week the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warned that adults in the United States aren’t getting enough sleep. And that not getting enough sleep can lead to a host of medical issues, including depression, cardiovascular problems, and high blood pressure. In fact, the percentage of adults reporting that they get six hours of sleep or less per night has grown over the last 20 years. (The National Sleep Foundation suggests that adults get seven to nine hours of sleep per night.)

Now, the fact that we’re not getting enough sleep is certainly not news to anyone juggling work and parenthood. This week (March 3-9) is National Sleep Awareness Week but, while I do feel obligated to do my part and go to bed, I feel more obligated to get my work done and pay my bills. Read the rest of this entry »