Comments on: I Didn’t Change My Name When I Got Married

By: Lisa T.

Lisa T. — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 18:48:37 +0000

I chose to keep my last name. As one woman stated in an above post, “I feel that, this is a name I was born with” and I feel the same way. It never occurred to me that I would ever change it, and I’m glad to have found a spouse who is completely supportive of my decision. If he were bothered by it, I would know that he wasn’t the man I was meant to marry. I recently read an absurd article that said a woman who doesn’t take a man’s last name is not ‘committed’ enough to be married. It is difficult for me to believe that even in 2008 women still face scrutiny and criticism for essentially wanting to keep her identity. I chose to be true to myself rather than give in to tradition.

By: renevague3

renevague3 — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 03:54:20 +0000

I eloped in college and had a lot of scholarships to my name so I kept it. I figured I could always change it later if I wanted to.

Well, it’s been almost 4 years now and I have not wanted to change it. I am very proud to be from my family, and that last name identifies me with everything I have accomplished as an individual, as a female, in my field–software engineering. I do like my husband’s last name, so for the sake of “tradition” I will sign Christmas cards and such with Mr. & Mrs. HubbyName.

It helped that neither my parents nor his batted an eye at my decision. (^_^)

By: Maral

Maral — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 03:02:16 +0000

Wow - I’m sitting here with my marriage license application form waiting to be mailed since my wedding 3 months ago and stuck in this name-change dilemma. My husband and I never discussed the name thing until after we were married. Only then did I realize how strongly he feels about my taking his name and also how difficult it is for me to drop mine.

So there sit the forms and here i am on google, asking the world wide web for help, and here are all these great personal tales!!

I hear the feminist thing but don’t relate to it. My husband always strives to make me happy, so why should I deny him those things that are important to him? To keep my name despite his feelings would be naive and stubborn. For me it’s not a problem of adding (I’m honoured and giddy about sharing this name). It’s a problem of denying. My last name is a hundreds-year long story. In a way, by adding I’m also adding to that story. But hyphens are annoying and both our last names are long and strange so I wouldn’t want to use both last names. So I’m leaning towards turning my maiden name into a middle name (which I’ve never had) and taking his last name so that I can have the option to use mine when I need to (my career was built with this last name, and that’s important to me).

It’s not the most graceful string of words but neither is our story and ‘aint nothing wrong with a beautiful disaster like this.

Thanks everybody!

By: hbuggie

hbuggie — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 21:46:27 +0000

Keep in mind that the reason that you have the maiden name that you have is more than likely because your mother took your father’s last name when they were married.

Just something to think about….

By: Christine

Christine — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 16:57:45 +0000

I too got married in my thirties, but I took his name. He would have been fine if I kept mine, but I truly like the idea of having the same last name as my children. When my best friend got married her husband felt no connection to his name and took hers. I thought it was great. When I told people I got some raised eyebrows. We should just do what works for us. Legally it is a pain to change it. We also bought the house before we got married, so my maiden name is still on the deed because I am lazy. I better get to that.

By: Yvonne

Yvonne — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 03:38:13 +0000

I was hesitant when I got married. I was in my late 20’s and very happy with my identity; but I decided to hyphenate especially since my husband was not on board to change his name to mine.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 17:17:44 +0000

I’m so glad to read all of the different perspectives.

I have a weird situation because I’ve been an athlete all my life, and I’ve also had mostly male friends - the result is that everyone, including my fiance, calls me by my last name. So, in a way, my last name is more my identity than my first.

At the same time, I don’t want to be the odd man out in our family. I like the idea of my husband and our children and me being the “XXXes”.

For a while, I considered getting rid of my first name altogether, but let’s be honest: that’s bizarre. Plus, I think it’s nice to honor the name that my parents gave me. At the moment, we’re still undecided, but I’m thinking I might just make my last name my second middle name and be very, very pointed in saying both of them whenever I’m introducing myself.

And since I’ll be the type of mom who lets her kids’ friends call her by her first name, they’ll just call me “Wiggs” like everyone else.

By: Lylah

Lylah — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 03:40:40 +0000

Thanks for your wonderful comments, everyone! It’s so interesting to read about all of our different experiences…

Charlotte: As far as I know, the quickest way to keep your own name is, on the marriage license, to simply write your current name in the space where you’re supposed to put what your name will be after marriage. So, you’re not indicating status quo, per se, but you’re specifying that the name after marriage is the same as the one from before the marriage.

Congratulations on your marriage!

By: Charlotte

Charlotte — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 23:39:49 +0000

I’m getting married soon and keeping my name I’ve had for 28 years…….. I found this forum because I didn’t know how. I mean…How do you Not change your name? I downloaded a South Carolina form requesting a license…and there is no place to indicate status quo. Am I confused..Yep!

By: gwendolyn

gwendolyn — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 20:55:58 +0000

My honey and I have talked about this. Im keeping my name. If we have a son I think he wants him to have his family’s name. To carry on the name or something.

I see no reason to have his last name. Seems odd to me.

I changed my last name when I was 25 to my biological fathers last name. My mother’s maiden name was her evil step dads so i didnt want that.

Its a pain to change your name. Everything from a passport to the title and registration of your car. I have a house now and a masters degree plus a reputation under my current name. What a pain to change it all.