I’m visiting my big kids and my in-laws right now — they live in the same town, which makes schlepping cross-country, if not easier, at least a good bit better — and while it’s not really a vacation, it’s as close to one as we get as a family, and so I usually just call it that.

So, I’m on vacation, kind of. And while there’s very little down time during these trips, one thing has become abundantly clear: I’ve forgotten how to relax.

At the beach, I watch my husband and preschooler bury our toddler in sand up to his chest (it was the only way to keep him in one place for more than 15 seconds, and he was delighted) and a corner of my mind wonders if I should jot down a few notes for a short article on traveling with children. Bobbing in the waves with our teenage daughter, enjoying each other’s company in smiling silence, I bite my lip to avoid crowding the moment with unnecessary words. After an afternoon at a park with the youngest kids, I put our toddler down for a nap and feel guilty about contemplating taking a short one myself, not because my other kids will be back with my husband at any minute, but because I feel like I’ll be “lazy” if I catch up on sleep instead of work. While watching the debates on Friday, surrounded by our older kids, I fought the urge to flip open my laptop — of course I brought it — and check my email, or Facebook, or maybe get caught up on a blog post or two.

This is not healthy, I know.

Really, you think that a working mom juggling two jobs would welcome a chance to turn her brain off for a few days, but you’d be wrong. Or at least, only half right: I do welcome the chance, I just don’t know how to do it. The only time my brain is off is when I’m asleep, and not even then, really — the last three nights I’ve dreamed about writing and editing. (It’s freaking frustrating to wake up and realize that you still have to do that same work all over again later, but in real life.) And I struggle, daily, to be present at any given moment, to focus on what I’m doing and, not forget about what else needs to be done, per se, but trust that I’ll find the time to do it all later.

When you go on vacation, do you really go on vacation? How do you manage to turn off the work side of your brain?