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This has nothing to do with working, and everything to do with being a parent.
The little kids and I had an excellent weekend. We went to karate class, ran errands, and picked apples. We went on a hay ride and chose pumpkins right from the pumpkin patch and ran ourselves ragged at a really cool playground. We played Chutes and Ladders five times, folded laundry, re-folded laundry after it was used as a landing platform for a bed-jumping contest, and drank warm apple cider with cinnamon sticks for straws.
And now, just a few hours later, my nearly 4-year-old is in the hospital with an IV full of antibiotics, and I don’t know what’s wrong.
At dinner, she complained about her hand hurting and, sure enough, the back of her left hand looked swollen, like she had a bug bite or something. Except she didn’t remember getting bitten or stung. She hadn’t hit her hand against anything while we were playing. She could wiggle her fingers and make a fist, but the skin hurt, she said. I gave her a dose of antihistamine and herded her and toddler-boy upstairs for baths.
She winced as I pulled her shirt off, and I noticed that her forearm was swollen, too. Hot and taut. She said it didn’t hurt, only her hand did, but my husband decided to call the doctor, just to be safe, and I added a dose of ibuprofen to the mix.
The doctor said to take her to the hospital, just to be safe, but to pack a bag. Which surprised me. Since when does one pack a bag for a bug bite? Since I was wrangling a wet toddler and had a pile of work waiting for me downstairs, my husband said he’d take her.
I wish I had gone instead.
It’s been four hours, and they still don’t know what the problem is — no evidence of trauma to the hand, no evidence of bug bite or sting, the swelling isn’t responding to the antihistamine or to ice packs. They decided to admit her, and she called me in tears. She’s exhausted and bewildered and I am thisclose to strapping my sleeping toddler into his car seat and driving over there. My husband has had way more at-the-hospital-with-a-sick-kid experience that I have — our older kids have had more time to get sick and hurt, after all — but I’m the Mama… he may be infinitely capable, but I can’t shake the feeling that I should be the one curled around her on that uncomfortable hospital bed.
They just called again; this time, she sounds wide-awake and perky, telling me about the IV they put in. She hands the phone to my husband, and I ask if he’d like to trade places. It’s more of a request than a question, but he says I should stay at home. Everything is under control, he says, and besides, this way you can get your work done.
He says it kindly and is genuinely trying to be helpful, but I feel helpless and horrible. I do have work to do. And I’m doing some of it right now, typing this. I might as well, since I doubt I’ll be going to bed tonight.
This is a new type of working mom guilt: Feeling guilty about being able to make deadline tonight, because I’m not at the hospital instead.
I don’t know how to juggle this one.
This entry was posted on Monday, October 13th, 2008 at 12:15 am and is filed under Uncategorized.
October 13th, 2008 at 12:49 am
Have they found out anything from the Drs. yet? Hope all is o.k. know it is hard for you not to be their. And you juggle this just like you did-
we cope the best we can even when we can be their when we really want to be.eileenb
October 13th, 2008 at 12:51 am
need to stop trying to e-mail too late or too
early…when you “can’t” be their when we really want to. oops!
October 13th, 2008 at 12:56 am
Thanks, EileenB! No word yet… on the plus side, though, she thinks it’s interesting that she (and Daddy) will be sleeping in the same hospital where her baby brother was born. She kind of remembers visiting me right after his birth (she was only 2 at the time).
October 13th, 2008 at 6:22 am
How is she doing? How are you holding up?
You must have an incredible husband. My work always gets thrown to the side when the children are sick. But then that is one of the many reasons he is my ex. But part of my own doing since I can’t imagine someone else taking care of them. I had no idea how hard the balancing act is working with children until I had my two children then add one of them sick, hurt and forget it. I love being the nurtering mother but yea deadlines, bills, mortgages yikes. Don’t be hard on yourself just give the husband a big hug for being the guy you can lean on.
October 13th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Sending healing thoughts your way and hopes that today is much better.
I left my last job when my child had pneumonia and they suggested I find some “reliable child care” to deal with him and come in. I was already stressed beyond belief trying to make both work and my child happy, and I realized which one was much more important.
October 13th, 2008 at 9:14 am
Lylah, I sure hope the outlook is better this morning. My thoughts are with you!! And you did the right thing by hubby and stayed home…he’s getting to be Daddy right now, too. I bet that’s a great boost for him.
October 13th, 2008 at 10:33 am
oh wow… you are doing the right thing no matter what that thing is right now. sharing your thoughts helps those who are facing similar dilemmas and i am betting it helps to at least get out all the whirl in your head. Lots of virtual hugs coming your way. *hugs*
October 13th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Oh, that’s a hard place to be! Thinking of you and praying for you guys!
October 13th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Have they checked her for blood poison? My 2
youngest both had it (why?) they had to blue
line going up their arm. Is she on antibiotics?
If she is-it will take care of that. Has she been
tested for CD? Just thoughts- hope it will help
and that besides having Daddy with her that she feels better. eileenb
October 13th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Thank you for all of your good thoughts and hugs… I traded places with my husband this morning and am hanging out at the hospital right now, waiting to see what the doctor has to say. Two courses of IV antibiotics haven’t made much of a difference in getting the swelling down, so we’re waiting and seeing. I’m about to relinquish the laptop right now, though — PBS has lost its allure, and so I’m going to pop in a DVD for the patient… will keep you posted!
October 13th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I’m so sorry, Lylah! I will keep your daughter in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us updated!
October 13th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
you poor thing - I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. You’re in our thoughts and prayers. Please keep us updated…
October 13th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Thank you, everyone!
We’re back home now, and she’s tucked in bed, fast asleep and full of antibiotics, clutching a Beanie Baby Unicorn that they gave her for being brave while they took the IV out. She’s a trooper… and I’m wiped out, so I’m going to bed early(ish), I think!
October 14th, 2008 at 7:07 am
ACK, I’m sorry I’m late seeing this, Lylah. Thank goodness you’re all home, but what a scare. Here’s to an utterly normal day today….
October 14th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Glad to see that your little sweetie is home in her own bed. Did they ever find out what it was? Hope you get some well needed rest.
thanks for the update.eileenb
October 14th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
I’m glad she’s back home!
October 14th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Glad to hear she’s back home, and hoping they’ve figured out what happened.
October 15th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Thanks for the update, Lylah. Glad to hear she’s back home. What a scare.
October 16th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Great that she’s back home. You and your family are in our prayers. I sincerely hope everything works out and the swelling goes away for good. God bless you.
October 16th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Sorry to hear about your experience Lylah but glad to hear you all are home and feeling better.
There seems to be guilt at every turn as a mom- we all handle things “as best we can” but as a Type A person, I’m never alright with “as best I can” - especially in the mommy department. From the great weekend you had it sounds like you’re a fantastic mom anyway! (warm apple cider with cinnamon sticks- go Martha!)
October 16th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
You ladies ROCK! I can’t even tell you how wonderful it has been to read all of your supportive comments and good wishes… thank you! You helped make a hard situation much more bearable.
Little girl’s hand is still a little bit swollen, but it’s not bothering her at all and so the antibiotics seem to have done the trick. She’s back at school and seems pretty much back to normal, totally untraumatized by the experience, thank goodness!
Lindsay, I really relate to what you just wrote, about never being all right with “as best I can…” it’s something I struggle with all the time…