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49 Days, 49 Million Fears: Running A Marathon
37 comments
Be Selfish, Mom!
30 comments
Give It Up, Woman!
12 comments |
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Us Moms have full days, no question. So where in those busy days are we supposed to find the time to exercise?
Recently I’ve been noticing more and more Moms blogging about when they are finding that all-important time for themselves.
Sarah has been getting up at 5 a.m. to use her elliptical. Yikes, that’s early, but she promises it has given her more energy for the rest of the day.
One of my favorite fellow runners, Nat, is always running (and blogging it here). Her and I are training for a marathon together in October. We’re both undecided as to if we’ll be doing the half or the whole thing.
Andrew, (though not a woman, but definitely a parent) finds time sandwiched between his daughter’s first bottle and his work day.
Me?
Well my day starts at 6:30 with kids and design work. Also, we have one car (by choice). So, rather than grab my exercise kick in the early hours of the day, I leave as soon as my husband gets home from work. He cooks dinner and I’m back to help get kids to bed, if not earlier. It’s not a perfect situation but it works for us.
A friend told me that leaving at the dinner hour is selfish. That I miss valuable family time and my children will most certainly turn out to be serial murderers because I wasn’t there to dole out the broccoli and ask about their day. Okay, she didn’t say that last part, but that’s what I heard.
Granted, my 3 year old clings to my leg some days and begs me not to go. I don’t expect him to understand that this is what’s best for Mom, for her to stick around a long time and be healthy and less stressed. Once Dad pulls a chair up to the kitchen counter and gets him involved with washing vegetables, he’s usually forgotten about me anyway. Heh.
So what if I have to be a bit selfish to preserve myself? Don’t these loved ones get enough of us through our many Mom duties? Besides, I get the best part of the day post workout: the reading of the stories, the giggles under the covers, and the quieted whispers about their days and their dreams.
If finding time is stopping you from fitness, it’s time you made that time for yourself. Get a little selfish.
May 18th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
[...] A friend told me that leaving at the dinner hour is selfish. That I miss valuable family time and my… [...]
May 18th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
I’m not a mom. I just spent the last five years with your kids. And after spending six hours a day with them, all I can think is how do you do it the rest of the day? Of course, I was also raised by a working mom. My cooking skills? Self-survival. Because one my parents divorced, my mother and I rarely spent dinner together. And I’m not some serial killer.
But I do hope that you would have a chat with my friend, Zombie Mom (http://pursesandpoop.blogspot.com/). She runs as well. And sometimes feels guilty about the time that she should be spending with her kids.
May 19th, 2008 at 3:03 am
I find it really hard to get in exercise, mostly because I´m unmotivated. A gym membership, if I had a way to get there, would be a big help, but there really isn´t a time of day that I could get out on my own.
I could definitely do an exercise video, though, if I just got up off my duff!
May 19th, 2008 at 7:05 am
I think you’re providing your kids with a valuable role model: a mom who cares enough about herself to make sacrifices to do it. Would we be talking about this if it was the dad working out during dinner? You’re connecting with your kids AND fitting in a workout/time for yourself; I say you’ve got the best of both worlds there!
May 19th, 2008 at 8:05 am
Um… you are a stay at home mom. Seriously. I think they get plenty of Mommy Time - whether it’s centered around a plate of broccoli or not.
I think one of the best things we can do for our kids is to teach them BY EXAMPLE. You’re teaching them that we are each responsible for our own health and happiness. You are teaching them that YOU matter… and therefore, THEY matter.
May 19th, 2008 at 8:26 am
My mom was never selfish. She centered her whole life around us 5 kids. But guess what? We grew up and moved out. And for the past 25 years, she has been sitting around wondering why she has no friends and no hobbies. She never let herself have a life.
May 19th, 2008 at 8:37 am
I’m not sure why this is even thought of as selfish. I would actually think it would be HEALTHY for a child to see that his mother has some personal interest and is committed to it. A child can learn from it. You’re doing something positive, not skipping dinner to go drink at the local bar!
May 19th, 2008 at 11:32 am
You know if you were never home and were then leaving them to eat frozen corn dogs every night so you could get sauced up at the bar….that would be selfish.
An hour or two to exercise, get healthy and feel good, is the best thing you can do for the whole family. Plus the boys get one on one time with Daddy, they learn that not just girls cook, and you are there for bedtime.
Seriously, I would rethink if this woman is a true “friend” or not.
May 19th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Tell your “friend” to look at it this way: Instead of selfishly keeping the children all to yourself, you’re leaving the house for a short amount of time each day and encouraging your kids and their father to bond over dinner prep.
May 19th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
I just want to say thanks for posting this. I am guilty of always feeling guilty when I take an hour away from being with my daughter — say on the weekend — to go to the gym. But she would be unhappier with an out-of-shape over-stressed mom, I need to remember that.
May 19th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Suebob,
Although your mom was not selfish and “never let herself have a life”, it is very difficult to read your post. Your mom DEVOTED her life to raising you and your four siblings and in my eyes, “life” or not, she deserves admiration, appreciation and RESPECT.
May 19th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Jean
While I do admire, appreciate and respect my mom (I see her every single day), she raised me to have my own mind, and I believe that, because I DO care for her, she should have made better choices for HERSELF. I know that raising 5 kids is no picnic. I know that it is hard to step back, stand up and demand something for yourself. But ultimately I believe it is better for everyone if Mom does have a corner of her life to call her own.
It is better for Mom because everyone needs a little freedom and space. It is better for Dad/Partner because they learn to handle the kids on their own while Mom is out. And it is better for the kids because they develop respect for Mom as a whole person, not just as someone who is there to serve their needs.
I wish my mom had had her own thing - whatever that might be - precisely because I love and respect her.
May 19th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Suebob,
Noted and understood.
J
May 19th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I feel like taking time to myself really makes me a better mom. Sure sometimes my 3 year old wants to pull my hair out for it, but in it end, it provides a large dose of both clarity and sanity for me. I definitely understand what you are talking about. Plus, it provides some one-on-one time for my daughter and husband.
May 19th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
I commend all parents whether stay at home or if they work outside the home for finding time to work out. Being at home with my 20m old and trying to find time workout is not easy. Currently after I drop two older kids off to school, I strap him in his stroller and I walk for a least 3 to 4 miles everyday when it is not raining. But now that all of them will be home for the summer, we will have to change that situation.
I will be getting my two oldest and the 20m old up in the morning for breakfast and after we will all be walking in the morning. So I get to walk and they get some form of exercise in this summer.
May 19th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
I sometimes do squats while I’m pumping at work while I am also reading for work. I also try to squeeze in 20 minutes at lunch a couple of times a week. I have so little time with my daughter during the week that I feel guilty going to the gym, but I also miss being in shape.
I think that if anyone can get pass the guilt and take care of him or herself that is a good thing. I know I’m less stressful after a good workout, which is good for my child. I think the last thing we need is another person adding to the guilt we already feel as parents, whether it’s how little time we have with our kids, what we can and cannot provide our kids, etc.
May 20th, 2008 at 8:42 am
I get up at 5am to work out. I would much rather get up at the crack of dawn than give up dinner (or any potential time) with my kids.
To each his (or her) own tho. Of course I am a single mom and work full-time outside of the home. My time with my kids is already limited so I take all that I can get.
And I do agree with Sarah regarding morning workouts. They definitely energize me for my day. It is also nice to start the day with a bit of “me” time.
May 20th, 2008 at 8:52 am
Dagny - I’ll have to check her out!
Genesis - It’s definitely difficult with little ones at home. Can you use a stroller & walk?
Karen - I agree. Thanks!
Miss Britt - I’m actually a Work-at-home Mom, to clarify. By the end of the day full of work and interruptions, I’m pretty much ready to run screaming from my house.
Suebob - I’ve always had a life outside of being Mom. I can’t imagine it any other way.
Neil - thank you - I agree!
Faith - yeah I’m wondering that. Seems people start to put you down when you do things like train for marathons. Something I’ll be talking about in another column, I’m sure.
Lylah - I did. It did not matter.
Nataly - you’re welcome. Now let that guilt go!
Jean and Suebob - thanks for keeping the discussion civilized in the end. Suebob, thanks for clarifying.
Sassy - amen!
Diana - good for you! I wish I’d kept my stroller for that very reason, but my nearly 4 year old probably wouldn’t appreciate being strapped in at his age. lol!
Skowen - wow - you are the ultimate multitasker! I hope you do find some time for yourself though, especially since you say you miss being in shape.
Kathy - I understand completely. If I worked outside the home, I’d definitely feel the same pull. Whatever works, right?
May 20th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
I’m not great at the self-care (away from the kids) issue in general, but I actually have no problem skipping dinner with the family so I can get in my run now and then, if it doesn’t work for me to go earlier or later. That’s the one thing I feel no guilt about whatsoever. I truly feel that it models physical and emotional health to prioritize my workouts; my girls see that working out is important to me, and that I consider it worthy of great effort. And that I love it so much I’m willing to miss other things at times. I hope they feel that way about exercise themselves one day.
May 20th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
I told myself I’d get up and go workout at the gym for the past year. Times I’ve worked out at the gym since then? 0
We’re probably buying an elliptical machine, because if it sits there and stares at me, I can’t get out of using it.
May 21st, 2008 at 8:44 am
[...] Your Breath Popular Posts 49 Days, 49 Million Fears: Running A Marathon 35 comments Be Selfish, Mom! 20 comments Live Like a Toddler: Six Ways To Change Your Life 12 comments Noshing On [...]
May 21st, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Sorry I am a bit backlogged on my blogs. October baby! (Thanks for the shout out.)
I’ve come to the conclusion that the hour or so a few times a week means I’m more focussed. The Boy is 7 now, he’s usually out playing with his friend.
Between work, volunteer commitments, friends, family, all that… people are on me. This is the time when I run.
May 21st, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Hit submit when someone walked in the office… ooops
Running time is my time alone with my thoughts…
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:48 am
I used to not take time to exercise, and I ended up 88 pounds overweight. Now, I force myself to squeeze in exercise wherever I can–at lunch, after work, after my daughter goes to bed. As a result, I’ve lost 36 pounds (with plenty more to go). I may have to sacrifice a little precious time with the fam–but they get a much healthier, happier mom out of the deal!
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:35 pm
You most certainly are not selfish. You are home doing things for and with your children throughout the day. Meal time may be come more important when the kids have been at school and doing after school activities all day. Not to mention it gives Dad one on one time with the kids which is just as important. You are home to put them to bed. To me that is the most special and precious time. My kids are 10 and 13 and I still read to /with them every night. It’s when we have some of our most important discussions, no distractions to interrupt. Even the cats used to join us.
So DON”T feel guilty for having alone time.
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I work full time and have a 3 year old toddler. I exercise at night after he is in bed, usually around 8:30pm. I have a whole bunch of DVDs and hand weights (the ones from theFirm and BiggestLoser are the best). On the weekends, we all go to the gym before noon since there is childcare there so he can play while my husband and I work out for an hour.
I think whatever works for you is right. Not everyone can work out at 5am and not everyone can skip off to the gym when their kid is asleep).
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:48 pm
I’m going to go against the flow here and say that family dinner is a ritual that builds meaning and connection in the family, and has been shown to have great benefits for kids and their values and development as the years go on. Yes, your with your kids all day, but when are you all together being a family? I also don’t know if your 3 year old is your elder/est or younge/est. If eldest, there’s probably time to start family dinner in two or three years. If youngest, they ought be old enough for you to get a sitter for an hour or so during the day, or even just before he gets home, so he can continue to make dinner, but you’ll be home to eat with them.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Meh, I think the dinner thing is overrated myself. Most of mine with my family consisted of us kids picking on each other for half an hour. Course, my family is a bunch of loons.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Something must be in the air - I just posted on this too. Finding time for your sanity is not selfish. The guilt that goes along with it sucks wads.
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:33 am
Be yourself, be happy and do what you need to be happy. Serve yourself and others.
They’ll love you!