Does this sound familiar?

I should exercise more. I’m not feeling well, so I should rest. I should clean the house. I should cook a good dinner for the family. I should eat better. I should eat less. I should lose a little weight. I should stop procrastinating. I should meditate. I should connect more with my friends. I should take some time for myself. I should spend more time with my family. I should work harder, earn more, save money, take more time off, spend less, buy more, do more for my kids, teach them to be self-sufficient. I should have more energy, be well-rested, watch less TV, read more, be more self-aware, be less irritable.

I should be perfect. I should stop judging myself for not being perfect. I should I should I should I should.

Do your shoulds drive your life?

We construct so many ways of judging ourselves, ways that are often self-sabotaging since there’s almost no way to satisfy all of them, and then we judge ourselves for failing again and again, trying Sisyphusean tasks without any possibility of success.

Let’s free ourselves from our “should” monsters, shall we? I will if you will. Here’s how:

1. Identify. Find all the things in your life that you attach a “should” to. Be ruthless. Look at everything. Start with the list above and see what pops out for you, and go from there. Don’t forget the “should” that you attach to doing this exercise!

2. Examine. How attached are you to your shoulds? Have a close look at them. The house I live in is for sale. I like to have my house clean when someone sees it, and I feel I “should” clean it (even though the house isn’t mine and the sale doesn’t affect me) because people will judge me based on how my house looks. So why should I be so attached to this? What happens when I let go? Can I let go?

3. Play. Once you know what your shoulds are and how you really feel about them, it’s time to play. So what if my house isn’t clean? I’m going to experiment with what happens when someone comes to see it at the end of a three-day, three-kid weekend. We’re packing and there’s boxes all over. I don’t feel like cleaning, so I’m just…not going to. Won’t that be fun? I’ll have to let go of the feeling of being judged about how clean my house is, but I’ll probably never see those people again (especially after they’ve seen the place!), so what the hell!

4. Let go. Once you’ve taken some time with your shoulds, feeling them, acknowledging them, and even playing with them, you can decide how attached you wish to remain to them. Then you can let them fall away. What’s left? Just you, the very most inner part of you, acting from your soul and from what you want rather than being driven by external influences.

It’s not an easy or quick process, letting go of our shoulds. There are so many ways to get caught up in them again. We are constantly surrounded by influences, and we truly desire to be the very best we can be. But being the best we can be also means accepting ourselves as we are, rather than attaching a bunch of shoulds. So next time you start thinking about what you “should” be doing/thinking/being, think instead about what you want.

And you’ll be a step closer to slaying your own “should” monster.

(Here’s a very different and personal look at the “should” concept relating to physical healing.)