What on Earth does this have to do with a marriage column? Oh, let me tell you.

I may be dating myself but do you remember that Friends episode where Ross and Rachel have their “lists” of celebrities that they would be allowed to, um, engage with should they ever meet them? Isabella Rosselini walks into the cafe and Ross is flummoxed because he had removed her from his list?

We, in good fun, have made our own “lists.” Would we ever act upon them, should the opportunity actually occur? Of course not. It’s all in good fun. I also have no problem pointing out men and women who I think are hot when I see them, and neither does he. We are married, yes, but we’re not blind.

Speaking of my list, I thought it would be something fun to share on a Friday. Here it is:

1. Josh Duhamel
2. Hugh Jackman
3. Jeffrey Dean Morgan
4. Jake Gyllenhaal
5. John Krasinski

My husband’s list:

1. Jessica Alba
2. Angelina Jolie
3. Charlize Theron
4. Megan Fox
5. Tina Fey

Who’s on your list?

The premise of that point is that you should take ten minutes out of each day (A mere ten minutes) to talk about anything, except for kids, responsibilities, or chores, etc. Weekly date nights are often recommended by myself and by others but sometimes it is just not feasible to go out that often, especially if you have kids and need to line up babysitters. We end up going out every two to three weeks, to be totally honest.

The idea of just taking ten minutes to connect each day is a pretty basic one, and easy to implement. We do this at the end of each day when the kids are in bed. It’s a great way to connect before we, you know, connect. Ahem.

Do you have any secrets that you’d like to share?

Seeing other people
Investing your joint savings in a combination fried chicken and sushi restaurant
Erasing everything off the DVR
Buying a house or new car, especially if it’s a Hummer
Adopting a puppy/kitten/ferret
Moving to a different city

Ha!

I thought I’d add a few of my own:

Get pregnant
Join the armed forces
Invite your parents to live in your basement suite

Do you have any that you’d like to add?

(These are my flaws, for the record. My husband has his own but we’ll save that for another day.)

I thought it might be fun to reflect on the characteristics your spouse has that are endearing. Not “they great things they do” or “how great they treat you” but the personality characteristics that make you grin from the inside out because they’re just so darn cute. You know, like when he’ll sit and have a tea party with our daughter, complete with a tiara on his head.

The trait that never fails to crack me up is how my husband will mix up words and their meanings. Don’t get me wrong, he’s one of the smartest guys I know, but his spelling isn’t the greatest (”Hey Honey? How do you spell (Fill in the blank)?” Or the time we were arguing over the pronunciation of a word and he told me that he was going to look up the prophetic (phonetic) spelling. Or the time he told me that he wanted his pasta cooked del monte (al dente).

This weekend served up another example that gave me no end of delight.

Him: “What’s the name of that character on Sesame Street? He looks like Grover, but he’s red? Emo?”

Me: “ELMO?”

(Emo’s World would be a great addition to Sesame Street, no? A character complete with dark eye makeup and an angsty iTunes playlist, who storms off to his room to write in his black journal. Ha!)

How about you? What do you find endearing about your spouse?

Many articles and studies seem to point towards children being detrimental to your marriage. I can see how it could be the case; having uninterrupted conversations with my husband generally have to wait until the kids are all in bed or we’re out on a Date Night.

A reader sent me the link to an article over at The Washington Post where they linked to a study that says married people are better off with kids.

I have to say that in my personal situation, it is totally the case. Before we had kids, my husband and I had more “free time” and had a lot of fun together, there is no denying it. At the risk of making you gag with the cheese factor, it’s like having kids took our love and multiplied it. (I know. I’m sorry.)

It’s true though. We have three of the neatest kids that have ever graced the planet Earth. They are as quirky and funny as their parents and we spend the bulk of the day having fun. There are attitudes to be dealt with and the occasional meltdown, but aside from the age-appropriate bumps in the road, it’s a smooth ride.

And when we do get out of the house without the kids for a Date Night? We spend a lot of time talking about how neat our kids really are. (I know. I’m sorry.)

So, tell me what you think. Do you think that kids make your marriage better?

I spent over two years dating someone during my senior high years who was three years older than me. “Dating” seems like such a trivial word, considering that I had a promise ring. Do you remember those? Seventeen-year-old me wore it with pride. It now rattles around in the bottom of my jewelry box.

The next serious relationship I had was with a guy who was five years older than me. Five years older than me.  I come from a small town and, well, it seemed that the older guys were always the ones who my friends and I dated. They were so “mature.” I put that in quotes because in hindsight it is nothing but hilarious.

I moved to the big city and went on dates here and there before meeting my (now) husband. He and I are two years apart. I am the older one. I also skipped third grade which means that the year I was in twelfth grade…he was in ninth grade.

Ew.

But we are no longer in high school. He has always been mature (more than most his age)(and me for the most part) and never do I feel like I am the older of the two of us. Except, of course, when he teases me about being older, reaching all of the milestones earlier, etcetera.

(He gets daily punches to the arm, for the record.)

How about you? What is your age difference?

It’s a good article that got me thinking. We’re coming up on our ten year anniversary and the question “If you knew at 25 what you know today about your spouse, would you still marry the same person?” made me think I should address it.

I was twenty-five when I got married (Which means I’m coming up on thirty-five but we need not talk about that right now. Or ever.)

When I asked myself if I would marry him again, the answer was a resounding YES.

As I’ve mentioned numerous times, we got engaged after a month of dating and then married five months later. I knew that he was amazing (Hence the marriage) but did not truly know how deep the well of his awesomesauce was.

Ten years later I am fully aware of how good I have it and what a mistake it would have been to not marry him.

How about you? Would you marry your spouse again?

The Wall Street Journal had an article this past week titled, “Housework Pays Off Between The Sheets.”
The gist of the article is, “The more housework you do, the more often you are likely to have sex with your spouse.”

I don’t know that I entirely agree. Or agree at all.

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again (and again)(and again) that a lot of what turns you on has a lot to do with your love language.

If my husband goes on a mad cleaning spree I am not turned on in the least. I more often than not feel guilty (even though I am usually working). I thrive more on words of affirmation. If he tells me that I look nice/am funny/wrote something awesome then I am all over him like a dirty shirt.

He also thrives on words of affirmation, as well as acts of service. For him, me cleaning the house is pretty much equal to foreplay. Those five times I cleaned the floors? Premeditated seduction.

What are your thoughts on this? Does more housework equal more sex?

As a good church-attending woman I should be able to sit here and tell you that I don’t lie to my husband (or my kids for that matter). To state that I never lie to my husband would be, well, a lie.

Some of the examples in the article don’t apply to me. My husband knows my dress size (he likes to come shopping with me) which means that he also knows how much my new clothes cost. Even if I go shopping with the girls he knows the cost; money issues are something we don’t struggle with as a couple (we’re both pretty frugal).

What do I lie about, then? Nothing big, I promise. And it’s usually not a “lie” per se, but an omission of information. I’ll use lower fat ingredients in some of his favorite dishes and he’s none the wiser. You know, harmless stuff.

My husband’s a pretty honest guy, sometimes to a fault. A few weeks ago I was at a certain point in my feminine “cycle” and whined that I was feeling bloated. His response? “Well, you do look a little bloated.”

HE SHOULD HAVE LIED.

He followed it with the reassurance that this happens every month, that we both know this, and that I’d be feeling normal in a day or two. But still. I’d have gladly taken the lie, even if I could see the truth in his eyes.

So how about you? Do you lie to your spouse?

Nancy talks about how she uses different names depending on the situation. She usually goes by her maiden name, but will sometimes use her husband’s name. As for the Miss/Mrs./Ms. question, she says, “All these identities are me: Ms. when I’m out slaying dragons, Mrs. when I’m in the company of those I love most, Miss when I want to stay home under the covers and daydream.”

As for me, I have taken my husband’s last name. I think (for me) that sharing the same family name with my husband and children shows that we are a family unit. If he had an awful last name (aside from the many times I have to spell it/pronounce it for people) and/or my maiden name was something I desperately wanted to keep I likely would have asked him to take my name. No, I’m not joking.

As it is, I became a Dykstra and always throw the Mrs. in front of it. I work hard at this marriage thing; I reserve the right to use the Mrs. as a symbol of my (happily) marries status. I don’t get offended if mail comes to me addressed as “Ms.” but I always fill out forms by checking the “Mrs.” box.

Are you a Miss, Mrs. or Ms.?