1. Always kiss goodbye.

2. Say I love you when you kiss goodbye, and also say it randomly.

3. Laugh together, often and much.

4. Talk about what is bugging you, before it festers and boils into something more than it needs to be.

5. Go on regular date nights.

6. Have sex at least every second day.

7. Eat dinner together with your family, and carry on the conversation after they are excused from the table.

8. Have regular State of the Union meetings, with or without wine.

9. Take care of your bodies. Fit bodies makes point #6 easier to accomplish.

10. Go to bed angry. Waking up in the morning after a full night’s rest makes everything clear again.

11. Don’t forget about the random butt-squeeze.

12. Text/call throughout the day. Keeping connected about the little things makes it easy to be connected about the bigger things.

13. Commit to forever, and do everything you can to make that happen.

Is there anything that you want to add?

We don’t generally buy presents for each other. We both love plants and flowers and so we’ll spend a good chunk of money on both our vegetable and flower gardens. We both find so much joy in each of them that it seems like the perfect thing for us to do. We also have plans to tour a couple of wineries, go out to our favorite restaurant, and go see a movie (we rarely go to the theater).

We’d love to bend our budget and dart away for a weekend, just the two of us, but those three kids aren’t at the stage where they can fend for themselves and we don’t have any family nearby who can help us out. The date afternoon/evening will be lovely and much appreciated.

How do you celebrate your anniversary?

I forgave her immediately, because forgiveness means that you are free from the anger and the hatred. It’s not about the offender; it’s about you. I have reached out a few times via phone and Facebook, but she’s yet to respond. It’s okay, really. Because I’ve forgiven her and let it go, I will go weeks without even thinking about her. That may sound heartless, but it’s exactly the opposite. She made it clear that she hates me for being happy, and I made peace with the fact that she simply doesn’t love me.

Well, maybe she does love me, but her actions make no sense to me. I have three children of my own and I would do anything — ANYTHING — for them. They are beautiful and they are intelligent and they are loving and they are amazing and they are my heart. I would never (ever ever) yell hatred at them or wish them anything but good things.

My experience with my Mom has made me a better Mother, I think. I want my kids to know how much they are loved, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I tell them that I love them, multiple times a day. I hug them as much as they’ll let me. I tell them that they can do anything that they put their minds to. I schlep them to dance and to youth group and to running races. I do my best to be the best Mom that they could ever have. Not a perfect Mom, no, but the best Mom for them.

Mother’s Day for me was about me a little bit — who doesn’t like the homemade crafts? — but it was also about them. We spent the afternoon enjoying the sunshine in our backyard and then we had an enjoyable (and hilarious) dinner out. I can’t believe that I have these three beautiful beings who I get to be a Mom to.

How was your Mother’s Day? Is it a hard day for you?

After we got married, my husband and I moved to a small town that is a four-hour drive from the guy friends I (we) had. Friends that I had known in college and in my big city life faded into the background, except for the occasional FB status update. If we lived in the same town, I’m sure there would be get-togethers or the occasional coffee to catch up with each other. Male friends (who are not ex-boyfriends) that got grandfathered into our relationship are a non-issue, as my husband considers them friends as well.

In the town we live in, we know many couples, and I consider the husbands to be my friends, but I’ve never hung out with them without our spouses there as well. It would seem … weird. My husband grew up in this town and will occasionally meet a high school (girl) friend for coffee and it’s no big deal.

This past weekend I was at the Mom 2.0 Summit in Laguna Beach. One of my male friends from college lives in the area, so I let him know that I would be coming in and would love to meet for lunch. He picked me up from the airport, we ate at In-N-Out Burger (my first time!), and he dropped me off at the hotel. We got caught up over lunch, picking up right where we left off, as old friends do. This was no concern to my husband because we had lunch with this friend and his family at Disneyland two years ago, and they are planning a Canadian road trip this summer and will be staying at our house.

There seem to be different boundaries, depending on how we know these friends of the opposite sex, but we’re in agreement about the boundaries. I think that’s important.

How about you? Do you have friends of the opposite sex?

My husband is the most ‘hands-on’ Dad I know, and he’s also great at doing jobs around the house beyona the traditional yard work/garbage/handyman things. He scrubs toilets, he does laundry, he washes the floors (weekly), and he is fully capable of cooking dinner. Dinner is more my thing, but if I’m not home he makes it happen.

Here’s what I do to lessen the burden for him and our three kids while I’m away:

1. I plan out meals for the days I’m gone. I’m a meal planner all of the time, and it reduces my stress (and my budget). I sit down with my husband to see which meals he wants to cook, I do a big grocery shop, and I write down the daily meals on a chalkboard that we have in the kitchen.

2. I lay out our daughter’s outfits. Our two sons dress themselves, but our girl milks her “Baby” status and like me to help her get dressed. I make piles of outfits and place them on her dresser and it helps my husband get her ready.

3. I tape a calendar to the fridge. I’m the one who manages our kids’ daily activities, as I’m the one who works from home. Before I go, I tape up a calendar with the activities that are happening when I’m gone. Yes, there are Google calendars — which I use — but my husband likes the visual reminder in his face every morning.

4. I make sure that my phone has a travel plan. There’s no need to pay more than we need to if my husband or kids want/need to call me.

5. I buy treats and hide them. During one of our Skype chats, I’ll tell my family where to find their secret treasure.

What do you do to help your family while you’re away?

My ten-year-old son replied, “Well, I can’t answer that. I’m not married.”

I clarified that I wanted to know what they thought being married meant, based on what they see between their Dad and I.

His response: “Kissing a lot.”

My eight-year-old son piped up: “Hugging each other.”

My six-year-old daughter said: “Being in love.”

There you have it, folks. Straight out of the mouth of babes. (Also, it seems like maybe we’re doing something right.)

What do you/your kids think that it means to be married?

When we were pregnant with our second child, family friends moved overseas and we adopted their six-year-old (kid-friendly) cat. A few years later, my husband kept pestering me with emails about puppies for sale and I finally conceded. That little Shepherd/Retriever cross became almost one hundred pounds in no time, but he’s a puppy at heart and LOVES to LOVE any living being, be it dogs or cats or our kids.

Two years after we got him, another family friend found themselves needing to adopt out a four-month-old shih tzu cross (She looks like a white and grey Ewok) they had bought. We were up to to two dogs and one cat, for those who are counting.

The next month was our eldest son’s birthday and all he wanted for his birthday was his own cat. We have a large house on an acreage, so there wasn’t any reason to say no, really. We said yes. Two dogs and two cats has been our normal for two years now.

Our older Kitty died two weeks ago and this past weekend we picked up a new kitten whom we named Lucy. Our kids love having two dogs and two cats and my husband and I do as well. Our two dogs are the best of friends. They wrestle together, they bask in the sun together, they sleep together.

Our cats have never been best friends, no matter the dynamic, but that’s how cats can be. They don’t fight, but they don’t spend time together.

Two dogs and two cats may seem crazy, but we’re a family of five (which is already crazy) and we have the space to make it happen.

How did you decide which pets to get for your family?

When it comes to eating, I keep that in check. Low carbs, lots of vegetables and protein, no junk food. Well, except for Friday nights — they’re “cheat night” in our house and we make homemade pizza, nachos, and various other appetizers to much on while we watch a movie.

Why do I work out and eat well? There are a number of reasons:

1. I have a large frame. (Truth — my doctor once told me that while many women say they have a large frame, I actually do) and I have a s l o w natural metabolism. It is very easy for me to put on weight, so I keep it in check with diet and exercise.

2. I like to be strong. I’ve had unhealthy eating habits in the past that made people want to ram a cheeseburger down my throat. I was skinny but so, so weak.

3. I feel good in my skin. I am not — nor will ever be — a size 2 (or 4). I’m only a size 6 if I’ve had the flu (or I succumb to vanity sizing at the GAP). I am toned and strong and I feel good.

4. I have increased confidence. I can make my body do things I once thought were too hard, and I rock the white jeans I thought I’d never look good in.

5. My husband thinks I’m hot. He thanks me constantly for working so hard at taking care of my body. He knows that I don;t do it just for him, but he appreciates it. He’s athletic as well, and I love that he has strong arms and a fit body. Rawr.

I think points 1 through 4 affect our relationship too, because the better I feel about myself, the happier I am, and that gets passed onto my husband and our kids.

Do you make a healthy lifestyle a priority? Do you find that it helps your relationship?

1. Go for a hike. My husband and I are both pretty outdoorsy and love to be out in nature. Our kids aren’t big enough to do the epic treks we like to do, so we save those for when it’s just the two of us.

2. Pack a picnic dinner and go to the beach. The area we live in has both mountains and lakes, so we’ll often pack a picnic dinner and eat it while sitting on the beach.

3. Walk around a show and shine. We both love classic cars and love to spend hours looking at all of them.

4. Attend an outdoor festival. Festival season is gearing up and there are always new bands to listen to or plain old people watching to entertain you.

5. Grab a coffee and go for a walk. The coffee may not be free, but it’s much less expensive than a dinner out.

Do you have any suggestions for what to do on a free spring date?

Lately, I’ve been fascinated about personality types and it’s given my husband and I even more insight into how we each work. He’s 95% introverted/5% extroverted and I’m 60% introverted/40% extroverted. Different, for sure, but if I were a 95% extrovert we’d probably have more conflict.

Do you and your spouse share similar or different personality types?