Many articles and studies seem to point towards children being detrimental to your marriage. I can see how it could be the case; having uninterrupted conversations with my husband generally have to wait until the kids are all in bed or we’re out on a Date Night.

A reader sent me the link to an article over at The Washington Post where they linked to a study that says married people are better off with kids.

I have to say that in my personal situation, it is totally the case. Before we had kids, my husband and I had more “free time” and had a lot of fun together, there is no denying it. At the risk of making you gag with the cheese factor, it’s like having kids took our love and multiplied it. (I know. I’m sorry.)

It’s true though. We have three of the neatest kids that have ever graced the planet Earth. They are as quirky and funny as their parents and we spend the bulk of the day having fun. There are attitudes to be dealt with and the occasional meltdown, but aside from the age-appropriate bumps in the road, it’s a smooth ride.

And when we do get out of the house without the kids for a Date Night? We spend a lot of time talking about how neat our kids really are. (I know. I’m sorry.)

So, tell me what you think. Do you think that kids make your marriage better?

I spent over two years dating someone during my senior high years who was three years older than me. “Dating” seems like such a trivial word, considering that I had a promise ring. Do you remember those? Seventeen-year-old me wore it with pride. It now rattles around in the bottom of my jewelry box.

The next serious relationship I had was with a guy who was five years older than me. Five years older than me.  I come from a small town and, well, it seemed that the older guys were always the ones who my friends and I dated. They were so “mature.” I put that in quotes because in hindsight it is nothing but hilarious.

I moved to the big city and went on dates here and there before meeting my (now) husband. He and I are two years apart. I am the older one. I also skipped third grade which means that the year I was in twelfth grade…he was in ninth grade.

Ew.

But we are no longer in high school. He has always been mature (more than most his age)(and me for the most part) and never do I feel like I am the older of the two of us. Except, of course, when he teases me about being older, reaching all of the milestones earlier, etcetera.

(He gets daily punches to the arm, for the record.)

How about you? What is your age difference?

It’s a good article that got me thinking. We’re coming up on our ten year anniversary and the question “If you knew at 25 what you know today about your spouse, would you still marry the same person?” made me think I should address it.

I was twenty-five when I got married (Which means I’m coming up on thirty-five but we need not talk about that right now. Or ever.)

When I asked myself if I would marry him again, the answer was a resounding YES.

As I’ve mentioned numerous times, we got engaged after a month of dating and then married five months later. I knew that he was amazing (Hence the marriage) but did not truly know how deep the well of his awesomesauce was.

Ten years later I am fully aware of how good I have it and what a mistake it would have been to not marry him.

How about you? Would you marry your spouse again?

The Wall Street Journal had an article this past week titled, “Housework Pays Off Between The Sheets.”
The gist of the article is, “The more housework you do, the more often you are likely to have sex with your spouse.”

I don’t know that I entirely agree. Or agree at all.

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again (and again)(and again) that a lot of what turns you on has a lot to do with your love language.

If my husband goes on a mad cleaning spree I am not turned on in the least. I more often than not feel guilty (even though I am usually working). I thrive more on words of affirmation. If he tells me that I look nice/am funny/wrote something awesome then I am all over him like a dirty shirt.

He also thrives on words of affirmation, as well as acts of service. For him, me cleaning the house is pretty much equal to foreplay. Those five times I cleaned the floors? Premeditated seduction.

What are your thoughts on this? Does more housework equal more sex?

As a good church-attending woman I should be able to sit here and tell you that I don’t lie to my husband (or my kids for that matter). To state that I never lie to my husband would be, well, a lie.

Some of the examples in the article don’t apply to me. My husband knows my dress size (he likes to come shopping with me) which means that he also knows how much my new clothes cost. Even if I go shopping with the girls he knows the cost; money issues are something we don’t struggle with as a couple (we’re both pretty frugal).

What do I lie about, then? Nothing big, I promise. And it’s usually not a “lie” per se, but an omission of information. I’ll use lower fat ingredients in some of his favorite dishes and he’s none the wiser. You know, harmless stuff.

My husband’s a pretty honest guy, sometimes to a fault. A few weeks ago I was at a certain point in my feminine “cycle” and whined that I was feeling bloated. His response? “Well, you do look a little bloated.”

HE SHOULD HAVE LIED.

He followed it with the reassurance that this happens every month, that we both know this, and that I’d be feeling normal in a day or two. But still. I’d have gladly taken the lie, even if I could see the truth in his eyes.

So how about you? Do you lie to your spouse?

Nancy talks about how she uses different names depending on the situation. She usually goes by her maiden name, but will sometimes use her husband’s name. As for the Miss/Mrs./Ms. question, she says, “All these identities are me: Ms. when I’m out slaying dragons, Mrs. when I’m in the company of those I love most, Miss when I want to stay home under the covers and daydream.”

As for me, I have taken my husband’s last name. I think (for me) that sharing the same family name with my husband and children shows that we are a family unit. If he had an awful last name (aside from the many times I have to spell it/pronounce it for people) and/or my maiden name was something I desperately wanted to keep I likely would have asked him to take my name. No, I’m not joking.

As it is, I became a Dykstra and always throw the Mrs. in front of it. I work hard at this marriage thing; I reserve the right to use the Mrs. as a symbol of my (happily) marries status. I don’t get offended if mail comes to me addressed as “Ms.” but I always fill out forms by checking the “Mrs.” box.

Are you a Miss, Mrs. or Ms.?

I stopped to think about when I first knew I loved my husband. I’ve mentioned many times over that the time span between our first date and getting engaged was one month. Yes, you read that right.

I obviously love him far differently now, after nearly ten years of marriage, than I loved him in the beginning. The love we have now still has those moments of butterflies but the bulk of it is that comfort and security that comes from a long history together. We’ve worked hard to get to where we are today and have that cozy kind of love.

Back to when I first knew; I remember walking into my apartment after our first date (dinner and conversation that lasted for hours) to see my roommate sitting up waiting for me. It was nearly midnight and she knew it must have been a good night for an early bird like me to stay out so late. She asked me how the evening went and I replied, “This one’s different.”

I knew in my gut that this guy, this relationship was different somehow. I don’t know if I could say that I loved him then, but my heart was telling me that I was on the right path.

How about you? When did you know that you were in love?

We wondered how well our kids would do on the trip and were quite surprised (and thankful) at how well the whole thing went. We broke the driving into small chunks of time (two hours on average) and would stop to get out and stretch our legs, have a bathroom break, grab a meal, etc. While in the van we had books, snacks and the almighty DVD player.

Before we left on our adventure my Dad’s lady friend (I’m never sure what to refer to her as; they aren’t married and “girlfriend” seems odd for people in their sixties) asked who did the driving when we go place. I told her that my husband has always been the driver, except for when I was pregnant. The car sickness is was kept to a dull roar if I was the one behind the wheel.

The decision of who drives is not a man/woman thing, but just how we like to travel. He likes to drive and I like to read with the occasional break to change the DVD or pass out snacks. I’m also the one in charge of navigation but based on this last trip we might have to invest in a GPS. Seriously.

So how about you? Who sits in the driver’s seat when you and your spouse are in the car together?

Most of the items listed are pretty funny, in my humble opinion.

“Fake vomit.” Really?

“24 double rolls of toilet paper.” Um, thanks?

“A bronze bust of myself.” Ha!

“Autographed picture of Bret Michaels.” AWESOME.

We (sadly) didn’t get any weird wedding gifts, just a few that weren’t quite us and were exchanged.

How about you? Did you get any weird wedding gifts?

I hung up the phone and relayed bits and pieces of the conversation to my husband. In the midst of my (compelling, I’m sure) recap I remembered a tidbit about my friend and her husband that had always struck me as interesting. Not interesting in a bad way, but interesting in a “I don’t know how they did it” way.

They’re very first kiss was…on their wedding day.

I know, right? I’m not knocking them in any way, I am just in awe that they were able to do it. My husband and I didn’t have sex until we were married, and that was hard enough. We had our first kiss about a week after we started dating and kissing was (and is) a big part of our relationship. As is sex. Obviously.

The first kiss wasn’t anything romantic or at a special event or anything. We were cuddling and watching a movie and it finally happened. And it was good.

How about you? When was your first kiss with your spouse?