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Dear NBC: Please don't make me look like a dork
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The great pay debate rages on
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It could be much worse
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I want to tell you about something I did last week, and I want to tell you why it bothers me.
And I’m going to stick my foot in my mouth. And I’m okay with that. Mostly. Nevertheless, allow me a proactive apology. If what I am about to say offends you, I am truly sorry.
Okay. Now. I’m just going to put it out there. While it is true that—as a freelancer—I work from home and therefore I could be considered to have a home-based business, I have an extreme prejudice against home-based businesses. More to the point, I hate home “parties” where a “consultant” sells things. There. I said it.
Do not leave me a comment telling me that you’re a consultant for Super Products R Us and you really love it and believe in their products, because I’m sure you do. Furthermore, I’m sure you’re a swell person and are kind to children and small animals. And I understand that this sort of job is particularly attractive to moms, especially moms who’ve opted to stay home and want to work non-traditional hours to accommodate their families. I get all of that.
But I really dislike being invited to a party whose purpose is to sell me things.
I work from home. I don’t get out a lot. If I’m invited out for a night of snacks with women I enjoy, I’m going to go, because otherwise I start twitching when my husband walks past my desk and saying things like “The light! It BUUUUUURNS!” I enjoy the idea of getting out and socializing at someone’s house. I just detest the hard sell.
What bothers me is that I want to support the women who choose to do this, because good for them for working a career into the nooks and crannies around their families, but the reality is just… annoying.
My strategy used to be that I turned down any and all invitations for such gatherings. I was always busy. Or couldn’t get a sitter. Or had to wash my cat. (Who cares if I don’t actually have a cat.) Avoidance just seemed easiest.
Then—for a while—I would go. I would hang out. I’d have a glass of wine; I’d partake in the food. And I wouldn’t purchase anything. Nothing. Was it rude of me? Maybe so, but as I was a single mom on a limited income, my hostesses understood.
Now, I’m back to struggling. I went to this party last week where a very earnest young woman was going to give us all facials! Except that really, we were just passing products around and giving ourselves facials as she directed us. Well, everyone except me. See, I have sensitive skin, and she informed me with a perky smile that I shouldn’t use any of the products she’d brought. There’s another line suitable for me, she told me—with obvious joy in her heart over her job, the available products, and even my troubled skin—but unfortunately she hadn’t brought those other products with her tonight.
So I watched everyone else. Later, I was allowed to try some wrinkle-filling product. I don’t think she was terribly amused when I asked if it came in gallon jugs. And then later still, I tried on a lip gloss that had a hilarious name I wish I could remember now. It was glittery and suitable for a teenager or a hooker. Or maybe a teenaged hooker!
In the end, I bought some of the wrinkle filler. Half an ounce costs approximately what I charge for an hour of work. I was annoyed with myself for feeling compelled to purchase it; at the same time, the consultant had really given the evening her all, and the hostess is a friend of mine. I told myself this was a type of solidarity, really, and I should just consider this a reasonable expense.
Really, I don’t mean to offend. I’m just baffled that in 2008 there is still a market for women to gather ’round and overpay for traditionally “girly” items. Or maybe I’m totally off-base and a big meanie. Regardless, I may be busy when the next party happens. That half ounce of wrinkle spackle is pretty much my limit (both financially and for my beleaguered feminist sensibilities).
This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 20th, 2008 at 7:49 am and is filed under A mother's work is never done.
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May 20th, 2008 at 8:49 am
I agree with you…I always feel guilty if I DON’T buy something. I went to a jewelry party recently and the one necklace I actually liked was almost $100…and it was just beads, no actual GEMS. I ended up buying one necklace (not that one!) though because I felt like I should. And then I left feeling annoyed. Sigh.
May 20th, 2008 at 9:26 am
See the Food one — Tastefully SImple — those are GOOD to go to - you get to eat! And there’s beer bread! And it’s only a toe, not an arm and a leg - so go to the food ones. If ya have to go to one.
May 20th, 2008 at 10:05 am
I am always busy when invited to these events, as well. Can’t stand being sold to.
That said, let us know how the wrinkle spackle works….
May 20th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Amen, and AMEN. It doesn’t help that my hubby, and I LOVE HIM DEARLY, is something of a gullible person when it comes to “helping friends” and getting sucked into their pyramid schemes. It really boils down to his free-wheeling spontaneous personality, his hey-let’s-live-in-the-moment self, which I love for the most part, except this part.
Sheesh. I’m always busy plucking my eyebrows or rearranging the cables for our entertainment system when those parties come around. Shucks.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I don’t like the hard-sell parties, but more lighthearted ones can be a lot of fun in the socializing department. I think it all depends on the consultant and how high-pressure they are. Maybe I’ve just been lucky and gotten mostly low-pressure sales folks?
May 20th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Maybe I’m just a total social idiot (entirely possible — I’m a software engineer, after all), but I don’t feel obligated to buy anything. I may, depending on the sales tactics, feel some pressure to buy, but I certainly don’t feel obligated.
I usually warn the hostess about that up front, too — “I really don’t need any candles right now.” If she says, “that’s OK, just come and hang out with us,” I do.
Think of it this way, Mir: When you get a code from a website for something free, do you feel guilty if you don’t also buy something? You know, of course, that the reason for the freebie is to entice you to the website where they are hoping you’ll buy something. It’s really the same thing, with the parties.
So say I, so it shall be. Amen.
May 20th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
The only parties I’ve ever wanted to go to, and have never been able to score an invitation to, are the ones where you buy sex toys and fake handbags (not at the same party)(but that would be handy, because then I’d know what size of bag to buy to keep my sex toys in). Other than that, I only enjoy those parties for the food and company…usually the part of the evening AFTER the consultant has packed up and gone home. Lately I’ve been tempted to whip up a bunch of food and drinks and just invite every woman I know over to just mingle. I wonder if a lot of them would think I had some kind of ulterior motive though. Like I was setting them up for a high pressure sales pitch, sandwiched between martinis and The Pioneer Woman’s bacon wraps.
May 20th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Ouch! I am one of these “consultants”. No need to apologize though at all…you see, I struggle with the fact that I am one. I go back and forth with the issue of sales. I loathe buying cars or being put in any situation where someone is trying to sell me something…especially if I feel lured into it. So whats a girl to do? Many of these opportunities are like you said very attractive to women and moms who want to stay with their little ones and work around family and the like. However I wouldn’t ever want anyone else to feel like I do walking onto the car lot (personally I want to throw up). I commend all of you for posting with honesty, especially you Mir…I’m sure I have “consulted” someone like one of you, and would always want to be sensitive to someone who is really just there to socialize. My hope is that I always recognize this in people. You shouldn’t feel guilty by the way, I speak for myself of course when I say you have permission just to enjoy the company and food, its not going to make or break any of us! Purchase the things you want and just don’t when you don’t want to right?
May 20th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
let me know if you ever get that invite procrasta…I’ve never been invited to any of those either, I’d be a great customer though…
May 20th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
I feel the same way about those parties. My solution has been to set a low amount of money that I’ll spend at one…the problem is that it never works out that way. The products tend to be over-priced and I always end up spending twice what I had anticipated. That leaves me feeling annoyed…because the evening ends up being more expensive than just going out for a girls night. That being said, I just accepted an invitation to a candle party…but I have a closet full of candles. Maybe, I’ll just invite the hostess out for lunch instead.
May 21st, 2008 at 1:57 am
I have a bad pair of plaid pyjamas and a case full of over-scented lavender candles for many of the reasons you’ve outlined above. I don’t think you’re a meanie, I’m glad you admitted that these things can kind of suck.
May 21st, 2008 at 11:00 am
I needed to read this today, thank you. I’ve just been sent a reminder evite to a jewelry party held by a person I adore, but whose friends I can’t stand.
I will be washing my cat that evening.
-steph
May 21st, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I’ve been to “parties” at which I was taken in by consultants, and I’ve been to “parties” from which I’ve managed to leave with the same money I came in with. I know the feeling of being pressured, and wondering if I’ve thrown my money away.
But I laughed with instant recognition when I saw procrastamom’s comment, because years ago I went to my friend’s Tupperware party (that’s the original “party” product, right?), and while there I “won” the opportunity to host my own party! (Yeah, they make it seem as if that’s a prize, but who doesn’t see through that?) I got the brochures from the consultant and everything, but I didn’t go through with it because I couldn’t stand the idea of inviting people over just to get them to buy stuff.
I decided right then that I would have a real party, just for the ladies, invite everyone I would have invited to the Tupperware thing, and have wine and cheese! or tea and pastries! or whatever!
Unfortunately, I still haven’t had this party.
May 21st, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Mir — I could not agree with you more.
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:32 am
Too horribly true, I try to be “busy” at least 95% of the time. And like Bec 38, on top of the hard sell to BUY the overpriced stuff, I hate the hard sell to host your own party, or worse, become a consultant yourself!
NOOOooooooOO!!
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:27 am
Yeah, I’m one of those “sex toy” ones. But if it helps you feel better, people who are there just to socialize don’t bother me AT ALL. They make the party more fun for everyone else, and occasionally they really do see something they can’t.. err.. “sleep” without.
The only time it annoys me is when the entire party is only there to socialize. Including the hostess. And they talk loudly about other things during my presentation. Including the hostess. And then nobody is remotely interested in purchasing anything. Including the hostess. But I only had one of those. And I smiled and thanked the hostess anyway. So there. :p
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:56 am
I find it annoying that the products are so marked up AND take a long time to get to you. One party, I had to pay for shipping, it took 2 months, and they didn’t even ship it to ME. It went to the host, who then had to give it to me. In these days of effortless, superdeal online shopping, why on earth would I buy from one of these parties? I guess to help my friends. But that’s about the only logical reason.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Here’s my idea of living in the 7th Circle of Hell cul-de-sac. Three of my neighbors became reps for CABI (clothing). Nearly every month, I was invited to one of their shakedowns…er, parties. I diligently gave the “Too busy” excuse until finally, it was just easier to end the madness by saying, “I’m sorry, but home parties are just not my thing.” The invites stopped, but I later heard one of the CABI reps had been bad-mouthing me…apparently, for BEING HONEST. Turning friends into sales prospects is not okay with me (and I have 3 overpriced Longaberger baskets to prove it)!