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Full Time, All the Time
with Britt and Robyn
I'm Britt. I work full time as a mom, wife, blogger and salesperson with a fancy management title. And I'm Robyn. I work as a project manager and between corporate meetings manage to cook a home-made meal every day. This blog is about our experiences of juggling full-time work with family.
Check out our personal blogs:
Miss Britt and Who's the Boss?
Are you a victim of Maternal Profiling?
Categories: discrimination, mommy guilt, the juggle, working mom
Over a year ago, one of my female colleagues came to me for advice. She was unhappy in her current role and had started looking outside of the company for a new position. She was also newly pregnant. She was torn between staying in her current role even though she was dissatisfied or searching for a new job while pregnant? My advice was short and sweet – “Land a new job before you start to show.”
She did end up taking my advice and landed a new job two months later, just at the end of her first trimester. Afraid to tell her boss right away, she waited another month to break the news. Fortunately, her boss was thrilled with the news and was very accommodating about the pregnancy. My friend delivered a beautiful baby girl last November and returned to work this past Spring after her maternity leave. I consider her one of the lucky ones.
Although federal anti-discrimination laws make clear that pregnant women are afforded the same protections as any other workers with a temporary physical condition, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission reported a 40 percent increase in pregnancy discrimination complaints since 1992.
The practice of denying jobs to pregnant women or working mothers has been labeled maternal profiling, and it is the source of a growing body of discrimination lawsuits being filed against employers.
For most pregnant women working in my field of high-tech (and many other high-profile, demanding jobs) landing a new job while pregnant would be like climbing to the peak of Mt Everest. Most of us would not survive. Instead many would be forced turn back to “base camp” and stay in our existing job; even when it is one we hate but know full well that very few companies will hire you when you are noticably preggers.
According to the Center for WorkLife Law at the University of California’s Hastings College of Law, family-related discrimination cases increased by 400 percent from 1996 to 2005. Women sued because they were questioned about their marital status, family plans or child-care provisions during job interviews, then promptly dismissed. Other mothers say they were taken out of contention for jobs that required travel, long hours, or physical labor.
I’ve never been the victim of blatant maternal profiling. At least, not that I know of. But I wonder… all these years I’ve thought that I’ve continued to make strides in my career regardless of my mom status. What if I had been passed up on an opportunity because of perceived familial obligations as a working mother? I don’t often play the woulda, coulda, shoulda mind game, but this has me questioning my reality. Stereotypes and generalizations in the workforce can be tough to change. What opportunities were never even presented to me because I was a mother? Did I unknowingly get passed up for a promotion because of my breast pump?
Have you ever faced discrimination because of your mom status? Did you fight the employer or walk away? Do you have any advice for those facing this battle?
Great post, thank you — I think this issue is under-discussed. Like you, I don’t think I’ve ever been blatantly discriminated against as a mom. But I am pretty sure that as soon as I had my daughter my partners — all men — started to think of me differently as well as about my career trajectory with that firm. If I had stayed there longer, I am sure I would start bumping into a glass ceiling.
Nataly | June 6th, 2008 at 8:04 am
I am a grandmother and I feel that my whole working career was somewhat stymied by a group of singles and divorced women who felt like they “deserved” more because they did not have the happy family life I had.
Melissa B | June 6th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Like you, I don’t think I’ve ever been blatantly discriminated against because I was a mom but I am certain that if I had stayed at the very male-dominated firm (and industry) where I worked, there would have been penalties in terms of promotions and $.
Nataly | June 6th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I found myself pushed out of my nursing course in 1982, when I was pregnant with my first son, as they told me in no uncertain terms that nobody would hire a nurse with a newborn child. But then again, I was in the UK, in the early 80’s.
Melinda Lamb | June 6th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
I am incredibly lucky that I work for two companies that are founded and headed by women and Mothers. But I’m really aware of this issue, and really interested to hear the stories of impacted women.
Kristin Darguzas | June 6th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I have always worked in “boys club” companies. I also at times cop the same attitude as they do - I know, terribly disgusting. In the end, if you want to climb and you are a mom or are thinking about it, keep it to yourself. If you become pregnant and are going to take maternity leave, the reality is that you will be labeled, for right or wrong. However, in the end, if you don’t do the time, or make the same sacrifices as the men or even other women that play the man game, should you get the same pay, promotions, and projects? I personally can’t justify it for myself. I hate it, and it sucks, but just because I may be smart enough and capable, if I work 40 hours, and Joe or Sally works 60 or more and appears to put work first, I shouldn’t expect the same treatment - as a mother or any other employee.
So that is my harsh reality check. However, it peeves me to no end and I have been discriminated against, and most likely will be again. Though, I don’t know that in the end I care since I am pretty happy with where I have gotten and on most days enjoy what I do. I won’t be a CXO - oh well. Do I really want to?
Michele | June 8th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
The only time i experienced this was when i worked for a very small tech company. I was one of the only women and certainly the only one who might have a baby (at the time). They are small and not subject to many of the major rules around FMLA and such. It is actually one of the reasons i left. Not that i thought they would want to discriminate, but because they really wouldnt have a choice but to fill my position when i was out and maybe even not have something available when i came back. I havent worked there in almost 5 years and every so often they try to wooo me back (we are friends) but the whole maternal thing DOES bother me! when i asked why they have no maternity policy he (the president trying to get me back at the time) just said ‘why, you pregnant??’ which just made me think more than twice about going back. the policies where i am now may not be great, but they are at least the standards and the company is very good about taking care of it’s people. i wont be passed up for opportunities because of my maternal status, and yes that IS a reason to stay!
Kate | June 9th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Michele - I always think of my job in terms of results not hours worked. I know plenty of people that putz around the office to fill their 12-hour day so that they can claim they work 60 hours. I always have the most time consuming, high profile projects. Every project has been successful. I’ve even bailed out other project mangers on their failing projects and turned it around.
And I rarely work more than 40 hours.
I’ve always thought it is the results than my manager and the company want. I give results. I don’t give 60 hours. I’m not paid hourly and I don’t want to start thinking in those terms.
But I see where you are coming from. I too have looked down at other working moms when I don’t see them performing up to par. It can be a dog eat dog world. I always feel guilty about it too.
Thanks for your comment.
Robyn Roark | June 9th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
After I announced my upcoming marriage (I was a single mom) I was denied the opportunity to attend classes to obtain a professional certification unless I signed an agreement saying I’d stay with the company a certain period of time. None of my peers (all men) had to sign any such thing. I didn’t sign, didn’t get the designation, got married and moved away (when 5 months pregnant) and never worked in the field again. Who would hire someone 5 months pregnant? Based on the treatment I received from a company for whom I came in early, worked through lunch, stayed late and brought work home, I figured I was unemployable.
Karen Murphy | June 10th, 2008 at 7:03 am
About seven years ago, I was interviewed for a position in a local company. As the interviewer (a woman) walked me to the door after the interview, she noted my wedding ring and asked if I had children. When I said I did have a child, she asked about daycare arrangements. I took the opportunity to assure her my being a mother would not get in the way of my performance on the job, though I felt uncomfortable with her illegal questions.
I didn’t get the job. I have no idea if it had to do with being a mom or not… but I’m willing to bed she would never think of asking a man those questions!
KT | June 17th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
So basically this is what I will need to do:
1. Take of my wedding ring when I go to an interview.
2. If I get the job, forego the desire to display any pictures of my daughter.
3. Never talk about my children.
Got it….
Elizabeth | July 2nd, 2008 at 10:31 am
Great post. I, too, haven’t been blatantly discriminated against by being a mom, but soon after my first child — now 8 — was born I noticed I wasn’t getting the same assignments as other people at my level who actually had much less experience. Could have been the mommy thing; could just be sexism or really anything.
bloggingmom67 | July 29th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
My regional manager at my previous employer said there was a 3 child minimum for being in management with their company (he knows I have one child and that I am divorced and single), while the district manager told me that having children too young was going to ruin my career (he was angry because I always took my hour lunch at 3:00 to get my son off the bus, which my branch manager approved). When I asked to be transfered out of their districts because I felt discriminated against and harassed, I was fired. When I contacted the EEOC, they said there was nothing I could do because family status is not a protected class. I wish there were more options available.
gloriousgentry | August 20th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
When I got pregnant my employer moved me from my beautiful office overlooking our towns Union Station to a converted closet. I wish I was kidding about the converted closet - but that is honestly what it was. As I became larger my pictures were taken down from around the office and my “challenge bonuses” were cut and had to be shared with others while no other recruiter’s bonuses were “shared”. My male boss also “monitored” and commented on everything that I ate. I only gained 35 lbs but I am only 5′ 2″ and looked huge due to my short height.
I had 4 months of leave and then left my job 2 weeks after going back to work from leave. I have been a stay at home mom since and have never looked back.
Sad thing is I was an I/T Recruiter and looks were very important in my job of recruiting I/T professionals from all over. I predicted what would happen and it did.
I am so much happier at home with our child and it was all worth it and made me much wiser!
Happy Mama | August 21st, 2008 at 7:05 am
From the other side…as a single woman, I get tired of picking up the workplace slack, working on projects that aren’t even mine, and being taken advantage of by the mothers who come in late, leave early, take days off, and are granted all kinds of concessions because bosses are too afraid of lawsuits.
Meli | August 26th, 2008 at 12:32 pm