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Full Time, All the Time
with Britt and Robyn
I'm Britt. I work full time as a mom, wife, blogger and salesperson with a fancy management title. And I'm Robyn. I work as a project manager and between corporate meetings manage to cook a home-made meal every day. This blog is about our experiences of juggling full-time work with family.
Check out our personal blogs:
Miss Britt and Who's the Boss?
Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of traveling. A LOT of traveling. While my most recent trip away was a 3-day getaway with some girlfriends, most of my travel has been work- or career-related.
Luckily, I’m married to a man who is a really engaged father. While I’m away, I have no worries that Alex is going to get all the attention and care she would if I were home. Marcus is a wonderful dad, and she’s in great hands.
Thing is? Since coming home, I’ve noticed that things are different. It’s subtle, of course: Alex and I continue to have a very close relationship. But I’ve noticed that unlike six months ago, Marcus is now as effective as I am in calming tears. She’s as likely to come running to him as she is to me. She’s not as stuck-to-my-side as she used to be.
The rational part of me is pleased, of course — I love the thought of Alex being equally as secure with her father as she is with her mother — and as I said, Marcus is a stellar parent. But the tiny, small, petty part of me?
Is, sadly, a little jealous.
I’m worried that my work life is changing my relationship with my daughter. And while I’ve cleared my travel schedule for the rest of the year, and I’m trying to manage my daily work schedule so that I can maximize my quality time with Alex, I can’t help but wonder if, ultimately, a change is in order.
Any advice, internets?
Hmmm. Well, since no one lives in a vacuum, of course your work life will affect your parenting life. All aspects of our lives affect the others. The trick is to balance priorities so that the effects are ones we are happy with.
I don’t think it’s a problem for your daughter to be just as attached to her father as she is to you. I think that children benefit greatly from close, loving relationships with their fathers.
Your relationship with your daughter will change throughout her life. That’s natural. This particular, subtle change (as you describe it) may have nothing to do with your work. It may be due to her maturing and becoming more independent. It might just be a phase.
Bottom line: if you are unhappy with your work, you should change it. If not, then don’t (and don’t feel guilty about it). Maybe give it a little more time and see what’s really going on.
Robyn | August 20th, 2008 at 9:37 am
I agree with Robyn, i occasionally go through the same thing and then suddenly i am the center of the universe again for my son! It seems to come and go in waves and maybe as they get older it’s just more subtle.
I say YAY YOU for being able to have a fulfilling career, family, and friends. That is a tough juggle and of course you are going to occasionally question your decisions. In the end you have to do what’s right for you and your family and magically the rest falls into place (haha! magically = hardwork a lot of times! but i still think it is magical that we survive and remain somewhat sane
)
Kate | August 20th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I’ve been through something like this, recently. I’ve been working really really late at night and when my daughter wakes up in the morning, it’s been my husband who is the first to get up and get to her room. I get up in a few minutes, but still, he is the first one there. She used to call out Mama! when she woke up and the other day she yelled, Papa! and I felt both excited and kind of guilty and jealous at the same time.
I think we’re lucky to have such amazing dads for our kids but I get how you feel. One really successful working mom once told me something I think about a lot: Our life is not about balance, but about phases. Sometimes work takes more, sometimes kids, sometimes us. I try to focus on that:)
Nataly | August 20th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Hi,
I totally understand. My job was taking me overseas quite a bit and although I was really missing the kids (that took me a long time to conceive!) I thought my world would stop if I left my work!
Again my husband was great - which like you made me somewhat jealous, mad I know but I like to be made feel important.
During my last maternity leave I took an opportunity for redundancy - must have been hormones or something because I am usually such a safe bet!
Anyway a year in I am delighted with my decision and have set up a home business, so I’m now getting best of both worlds - maybe something to think about.
Mar | August 20th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Same goes with me.
As an engineer, it is really a very stressful job for a mom. When I have a lot of things to be done in a very limited time, with so demanding customers, I have to went home late than others (2-3 hours), going home with a lot of errands to run and the one that killing me is giving my children “Loving Quality Time”.
Lately when we went to my daughter’s parents’ day, her teacher said that she did noticed that my daughter’s emotional was distracted lately. She always came to school with bad mood. Regardless her very quick pick up in every thing that been thought at school, she’s still behind other kids because her teacher need certain time to get her to the mood before start the class.
By then, I realized how my stressful job has affecting my family. Currently I’m looking forward for setup my own company. By paying someone else to run the business for me, I can give my best in raising the children back at home.
Fidah | August 21st, 2008 at 12:13 am
I gave up my career for a job for this very reason. My husband missed me. My kids missed me. My life was about career fulfillment.
Was this the right choice? Depends on the day you ask. But, I’ll tell you, even when work is more of a job and not a career, my instinct of doing the best you can gets in the way, and the same argument of “is work or family more important” still comes up.
I’ll ask you this, are you really so guilty that the travel and dedication to work impacts your family life so much that you think you are losing your kids and husband? Guilt is okay to help you keep things in balance. In the end, you need to be honest and determine what is important and what lengths you will go to achieve happiness. In the end, the fact that you feel guilty and question yourself means you value your family and will adjust as necessary.
Don’t worry. Don’t feel guilty. You are a great Mom!
Michele | August 21st, 2008 at 3:24 pm
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