For years, I have practically received the same evaluation.  I am a top-rated employee.  I have solid judgment and am known to always get the job done.  I am highly respected in the organization.  But… (isn’t there always a “but” in performance reviews) I am too tough.

Typical working woman dilemma - be nice and get called “too soft.”  Be tough and get named a “bitch.” 

I’m proud of the fact that I am tough.  I don’t let my project team get away with poor results.  I expect them to do their job in the timeframe of the project.  I tow the line.  I have a no-nonsense approach to managing my projects.

I also motivate people.  I reward results.  I never take credit for other’s work.  I always call out the successes of those on my team.  I defend my team and don’t throw people under the bus.  I’m never rude.  I’m never disrespectful.  I don’t swear and I don’t yell.

I’m not afraid to challenge the status quo.  But I am no bitch. 

In years past, I shouldered the burden of the bitch label.  But last year, I challenged my manager’s assessment and eventually left the company when my manager could not produce any concrete examples of being “too tough.”  To me, it was apparent that the label would prevent further advancement, even if it was just my manager’s perception.

This year, I do not know what to expect.  In a new role and under new management, I am still finding my footing at the new company.  I have already made key wins and have earned the respect and trust of my Senior Management.  And not once so far have I heard that I am too tough.  Who knows?  Maybe I’ll grow to love the performance review.

I head out of the office on Wednesday and don’t return until four days later.  By that time, Black Friday shopping and holiday decorating have sufficiently cemented me into seasonal work mode.  The rapid succession of extended weekends will keep me there until New Years if I let it.

I’m distracted.  I’m counting down the days until the next weekend or vacation.  I’m worrying more about Christmas lists and holiday meals than I am about monthly sales goals and marketing campaigns.

Unfortunately, businesses - including the one that employs me - do not shut down for the month of December.  And they tend to take things like customer service and earning a profit just as seriously as they did for the first 11 months of the year.

This is when I find productivity tips, like the ones below, the most helpful.

5 Ways To Be More Productive During The Holidays

Have a busy morning - get up on time (or early if possible), eat breakfast, start dinner, sort the mail.  Beginning your day with accomplishments will make you more productive the rest of the day.

Stop multi-tasking - while conventional wisdom suggests that you get more done if you do multiple things at once, multi-tasking is the kiss of death when you’re already prone to distraction.  Focus on one job at a time, do it well, and move on to the next item on your list.

Make lists - keep your objectives in front of you and mark your progress during the day.

Eliminate distractions - turn off the internet, close your email program, turn off your background noise makers (TV, radio, co-workers) and let yourself completely focus on the task at hand.

Schedule time for holiday activities - whether it’s shopping or wrapping gifts, setting aside time early in the season to attend to all your holiday chores will ensure that everything gets done without taking away from your productivity at work.

Photo Source

Maybe I’ll put that on my Christmas Wish List for this year.

In the mean time, I’m thinking of another list.  Today I’m making a mental list of all the things I’m grateful for - as a working mom, as a wife, as a daughter and a sister.  As a woman who wears many, many hats that give her lots and lots of reasons to be grateful.

I’m giving thanks for a job that allows me to bring my son with me - and a boss who understands when one phone call can mean I’m out the door to pick up a sick child.

SarahInMI is thankful for flex scheduling, working from home, and excellent care givers.

Jennifer is glad to have a job and health insurance.

Mel appreciates that working as a teacher allows her to work and put the kids first, giving her the best of both worlds.

Janelle is giving thanks that she has electricity and a job that allows her to do what she’s good at.

What will you give thanks for this year?

Now that I’m all grown up, I have a relatively important (in the sense that it pays the bills) job.  I carry a laptop bag instead of a briefcase, and I own a very flattering black trench coat.

What I also have, which I never in a million years imagined, is a soul sucking commute.

What I didn’t know then was that city living was better suited for people who don’t have to consider things like child safe neighborhoods, public school systems and affordable mortgages.  As a real life grown up with both a career and a family, I find myself firmly entrenched in the suburbs of Orlando.

And the suburbs are about 45 minutes from the office in rush hour traffic.

Unless, of course, there’s an accident.  Or rain.  Or a really slow tourist clogging up the works.  Then it might take me 90 minutes to make the 20 mile trek.

Of all the things I love about working full time, the one thing that makes me question my decision on a regular basis is my daily commute.

I hate that I get off work at 5:00 and don’t walk in my front door until as late as 6:30 some nights.  I hate that I spend three hours of my day, five days a week, sitting in my car.  I dream about all the living I could do with those extra 15 hours a week.  I resent that I give up those hours not for work, or myself, or time with my family - but for traffic.

My mother once told me that she valued her commute because it gave her a chance to “switch gears”, transforming from working woman to wife and mother over the course of her drive home.  I have never found that to be the case for me.  I spend the entire drive on edge as the minutes tick by, worried that I’ll be late to pick up the kids or be the last parent to arrive. I get tired and tense just thinking about the marathon that awaits once I hit the daycare starting line: pick up, get home, unpack, make dinner, eat dinner, do dishes, check homework, baths, story, bedtime, collapse.

I wonder if this is simply a necessary evil as long as I continue to work outside the home.  Am I destined to surrender more than 10% of my day to something I hate?  Is there something I’m missing that makes commuting tolerable?

How do you cope with the time suck that is the daily commute?

“Mom starts the day strong with a 3-point bonus: she manages to pack her kid’s lunch AND pull out the leftovers for Dad and herself.  Everybody eats today!  In fact, it looks like she scored an additional point for extra difficulty; each family member received a fruit, a veggie, a protein, and a whole wheat grain.  Mom is clearly taking control today.”

 “Oh no, Mom lost 4 points for not using her hands-free device on a conference call in the car.  Nervously looking for any cops who can dole out a hefty fine clearly shows that she is not on top of her game.  Can she recover, folks?”

“We have another scoring opportunity.  Mom is giving a presentation to her VP and Sr. Director on the new project.  She grabs 7 points for making an out-of-this-world presentation and anticipating their questions.  But when she gets back to her desk, she realizes that she gave the presentation wearing a sweater with a glob of oatmeal stuck to her boob.   Two-point penalty for not dressing for success.”

“It’s the end of the day; will Mom score by leaving for work on-time?  She shuts down her computer, packs up the folders she’ll need when she works from home tomorrow.  It looks like she’ll be on-time.  Oh no, here comes the chatty sales manager, Bob.  Mom quickly darts out the side door to the parking lot.  2 points for leaving on time and 1 bonus point for her impressive maneuvering.  She’s on a roll, ladies and gentlemen!”

“Mom gets to the car and realizes she forgot to pack a snack for the little guy on the ride home from daycare.  She loses 3 points for lack of organization.  She may lose more if there is a meltdown in the car.  Mom scrounges and finds a piece of gum - not nutritious but will hold off any “I’m so hungrryyy” tantrums in the car.  We’ll give her a bonus point for originality.”

“Now we’re moving into the critical after-work juggling event. She’s got 25 minutes to get dinner on the table before Dad’s conference call with Japan starts.  Clueless as to what to make for dinner; she quickly throws some frozen meatballs in with leftover pasta sauce, cuts up string cheese sticks and pulls out the hotdog buns. We have MEATBALL SANDWICHES.  Mom does it again! 7 points.”

“The kid refuses to eat it - minus four points!”

“After giving him a bath, Mom realizes that he doesn’t have any clean pajamas.  She’ll easily lose another 3 points here.  Mom forces Dad to lead the bedtime routine of reading books and brushing teeth even though he just got off a stressful conference call.  Four more points lost for being an unsupportive partner.  Oh, and now she passes up cleaning the kitchen to watch Survivor.  That’s another 1 point deduction.  Mom started out the day strong but now barely seems to be holding it together.  Will she rally to win?”

“Mom pulls out her laptop and fires up.  It looks like she is starting her second shift.  Will she score more points?  Oh no. Mom has pulled a fast one.  She is merely looking up the time of her first meeting tomorrow.  No additional work means no more points.”

“Final score for the day: 1 point, a weak win”

Tomorrow is another game.  Most of the time, I feel like I do a great job of balancing family and work.  It’s probably a good thing that I’m the only one keeping score.

After two kids, eight years and five various childcare providers, I’ve picked up a few tips to make dropping your kids off at daycare less traumatic for everyone.

Find quality time in your morning routine. The rush and chaos of getting a family dressed, fed and out the door is stressful for everyone and can put your child on edge.  Take a moment to break the tension for both of you and they’ll start the day in a more cooperative mood.  Try sitting down to breakfast together, or turning off the radio and having a chat on the drive to daycare.  (I’m much more likely to find quality time with my daughter in the car after her brother has gone to school.)

Establish a drop off routine. In the same way that nightly routines tell your child what to expect at bed time, setting a morning schedule can reduce daycare meltdowns.  Sign in and put away coats and lunch boxes in the same order every morning and you’ll both be better prepared for the upcoming separation.

Walk all the way into the room. Different child care providers might have different procedures, but if possible try bringing your child all the way into their classroom instead of saying good bye at the door.  Your departure becomes less about saying goodbye and more about the toys and friends waiting to be played with.

Make a quick exit. A hug, kiss and cheerful goodbye and then be on your way.  When you set the tone that this is not a big deal, they’re likely to follow your lead.  If there are tears, avoid hanging around and making a fuss.  Your childcare provider will likely confirm for you later in the day that your son or daughter is just fine as soon as you’re out of sight.  (And if they don’t, it’s probably time to dig deeper to find out why.)

With a little planning and attention to small details, everyone can benefit from a tear free start to the day.

For the last two years, I almost always voted via absentee ballot.  For me, it was the only way to manage the juggle.  There are days were I barely manage daycare drop off and pick-up with work meetings.  And I’ve already admitted that I often don’t take a lunch.  So voting was just one more thing to do on the list.  Switching to voting by absentee ballot meant that I had plenty of time to research the candidates, measures, and propositions.  Voting day no longer had to be the day of the election - but whatever day was convenient for me.

This year, I sent my ballot in the mail two weeks before the election.  My spouse, a true procrastinator, hand-delivered his absentee ballot about 15 minutes before our local polling place closed on Tuesday night.  He brought our son to the polling place and let him give the big envelope to the volunteer. 

There is legislation in Congress to move Election Day from Tuesday to the weekend, in hopes of greater voter participation.  Some states now offer early voting in addition to absentee voting.  Wouldn’t it be awesome to have Voting Day a national holiday?  Or have online voting?  With 75% of Americans using the internet, online voting (with security problems resolved) could be revoluntionary for voter turnout.   Regardless of the method in which we vote, I believe voting should be federally protected and employers should have to make reasonable accommodations to allow you to participate. 

Personally, I don’t think voting needs to be a burden for people.  Yes, it is our civic duty to vote and we should all make it our responsibility to vote.  Still, by offering more flexible voting options and rewarding employers who encourage their employees to vote, we may get more citizens involved in the political process.  And really, isn’t that what voting is all about? 

And here, on the other hand, am I.

I have two small children - a son in third grade and a three year old daughter.  I work full time at a job that keeps me (and as a result, them) out of the house from 7 in the morning until 6 at night.  I spend as much time commuting as I do going over homework.  I send checks for lunch instead of sandwiches and avoid the PTA robocalls like a bad case of head lice.

What life choices am I reflecting by working outside the home?

Why do I, and millions of other mothers, choose to work full time?

I do it for the money, of course.  Because while we could afford to live very modestly on my husband’s income alone, things like vacations and vegetables would be a little more difficult to come by.  I understand that staying home is often a financial sacrifice for some families, but for my family (and many like mine) it would amount to fiscal suicide.

But more than that, I do it for me.

I pry my daughter’s arms off my neck each morning at day care because I know that she will delight in the company of her peers once I leave - just as I will relish the opportunity to converse with other adults throughout the day.  I forgo the time to make homemade cookies in lieu of drafting marketing plans that showcase my talents and creativity.  Because I write a stellar email campaign and I suck at baking pastries.  I take off my pajama pants each morning and pick out cute shoes that tell the world I have excellent taste!

I continue to work full time because my career offers my family and me opportunities that being a stay at home mom could not.  And these opportunities say just as much about my values as my unconditional love for my children does.

I love to travel. I crave a challenge.  And I thrive on new experiences whether I’m alone or with my kids.  I continue to work full time in order to hang on to those personal priorities.

Why do you work full time?

I wonder where he learned that one?

I am living in a virtual avalanche of email.  Too much, too often, and too many accounts are bogging me down.  Between all of my email accounts, I easily read over 250 emails per day. 

Years ago on the advice of someone on TV, I started to keep 2 personal email accounts.  One was for exclusively shopping online and the other was for personal correspondence.  When I started my own blog and began freelance writing 18 months ago, I opened another personal email account exclusively for that purpose.  My BlackBerry holds another personal account that doesn’t get much use but is there for emergencies.  Add to the mix the largest email, my work email… and well, you can see that a good portion of my life is managed by email.

When I was a teenager, I spent hours on the telephone.  Now I spend hours in front of my laptop or on my BlackBerry.  My communication tool has changed.  And it has become more invasive.

There are times where I love having email.  I can check-in on issues at work while at the park with my son.  I can send my spouse a reminder about Parent-Teacher Night and have the satisfaction of knowing that he can’t claim I “never told him.”  With the exception of my Grandma, every adult I know has an email account; making the geographic distance between us virtually non-existent.

When my son casually (and rather flippantly, might I say) shined a light on my email problem, I knew that something had to change.  How many times have I told him “just one minute“  or “after I finish this email” or ”mommy is busy right now“?  How many times have my eyes never looked up from the screen when he asked me a question?  When did my son learn that finshing that last email was the priority?

Sometimes a little moment can shake your reality.  It’s time for the laptop and BlackBerry to be put on stand-by during my time with my son.  At least, until he is old enough to send me an email.

1.  Be honest, but be kind .  When it comes to telling your boss that you’re going to be leaving the company, do so firmly, kindly and without whining.  If you’re leaving for another company, tell her that you received an opportunity that you felt was too good to pass up.  If you don’t have another job lined up, tell her that you’re leaving for personal reasons, and are planning to take some time off/spend time with your kids/whatever before working again.  Thank her for what the experience working at your current employer has taught you.  If she suspects you’re angry, and presses you for a reason you’re leaving, be careful about taking the bait:  just say that as it turns out, the job wasn’t a right fit, and that the fairest thing for all parties involved to part ways.  If you have to, give any details in a constructive manner.  Think of it as the work equivalent of the "it’s not you, it’s me" speech.  Sort of.

2.  In writing your actual resignation letter, brevity is key .  There is absolutely no reason for you wax poetic with a long explanation detailing the transgressions of your employer.  In fact, I’m in favour of the two-sentence letter of resignation:  "This is to inform you of my intent to resign my employment, effective X date.  Thank you for the opportunity to have worked with your organization.  Sincerely, Jane Doe."  Save the reasons for your departure for your exit interview, and if possible, voice any criticisms orally and not in writing, keeping number 1, above, in mind.

3.  If you’re really leaving without any hard feelings, offer to help transition your position to your successor .  Chances are they likely won’t take you up on your offer, but it’s a nice gesture to make.

4. After you’ve given notice, and especially after you’ve left the company, resist the temptation to gossip or vent to former coworkers .  Remember, the name of the game is "class."  Smile politely if someone tries to get you to dish on your boss or the reasons why you left, and stick to the "just wasn’t a good fit" party line.   If you were privy to confidential information while you were still employed, remember that duty of confidentiality remains with you after you leave, and this is especially not the time to divulge company secrets.

Finally, I know there are some of you who are thinking, "but wait a minute.  My company treated me very, very badly.  In fact, I bet their actions were illegal.  Why shouldn’t I tell them where to get off?"  As a lawyer, I can tell you that this is EXACTLY why your discretion is paramount — you don’t want to give your employer any ammunition as to why you shouldn’t have worked there in the first place.  If you feel that you’ve been the subject of discrimination or any other poor treatment, then save your venting for your attorney, where you will have attorney-client privilege, and can be as frank as you like.  Otherwise, "discretion" and "class" should be your ultimate watch words.

And for those of you who are leaving on amicable terms, congratulations.  And remember, "discretion" and "class" can often get your a letter of recommendation or contacts in your future endeavours — which are always good things.

* * * * * * *

With this, this is my final post here at Full Time, All the Time; however, I leave you in very good hands:  the lovely Britt, of Miss Britt , will be taking my place alongside Robyn as they help navigate the waters of full-time-all-the-time-mommyhood.  But wait!  You can’t get rid of me just yet!  Tune in next week for Work It, Mom!’s newest blog, Off the Clock:  Books, Movies and More .  There, you’ll find recommendations and reviews for the best books to read during business travel, best books to read after the kids have gone to bed, best DVD’s to rent for family movie night, and more.  And if you have any recommendations that you would like to have featured, you can always e-mail them to me directly at chookooloonks@gmail.com.

Looking forward to seeing you there!