I’ve been up to my hairline in holiday shopping and I’m sick of it. I don’t want to think about things to buy, look at things to buy, or find pictures of things to buy. And I haven’t even bought a single thing yet: this is just from a couple of evenings of browsing the options while eating too much sugar, and an ad that suggested a diamond necklace as a “stocking stuffer” (PEZ are stocking stuffers! Pez and Silly Putty and teensy cans of Pringles! not GEMSTONES!), and way too many PR emails starting “Dear Ms, With the holidays nearly upon us…”

There are times it all seems super-ridiculous: we have this whole holiday season, and the way we celebrate it is by buying things. Some of us put up a whole tree and decorate it, to have a place for the presents to live. We give things to the children’s teachers, who then talk in the teachers’ lounge about how they have “closets full” of stuff they don’t want or need, or how they throw out anything baked because who knows what the kitchen was like. We give presents to each other, and it’s not really what we wanted. And then January is the parade of bills—as if January isn’t gloomy enough already.

And this is where it turns into a sermonette, right? Out comes the tired old eyes-to-the-sky stuff about how the gifts and the trees and the lights are just “trimmings,” and the main course is the Real Spirit of the Season: family or friends or religion or kindness or goodwill toward all mankind, whatever the sermonizer thinks the Real Spirit is or should be.

But I’m not turning it in that direction, because I DON’T notice much Real Spirit around the holidays. I don’t see many people shining with the light of holiday love, or being particularly nice to each other, or focusing anywhere near as much on their religions as they do on the shopping. What I see is mostly a lot of grousing about how the stores are decorated too early, and then a lot of worrying about expenses, and a lot of fretting about how to make other people happy with possessions, and a lot of stress about having company and parties and planning, and the harder-to-decline-than-usual pleas from charities for donations, and a lot of self-reproach for eating or for not exercising or for gaining weight, and then it is ALL OVER and what’s left is a pile of stuff to incorporate into the household, a pile of trash to go out to the curb, a whole lot of foil wrapping paper in the recycling bin, a bunch of bills, and that bad after-feeling. And then a fresh calendar, and twelve months until we do it again: the holiday of buying stuff.

Or maybe this is where it turns into a sermonette of advice for a cure, which would involve handmade gifts this year, or donations to charity as presents, or deliberately turning our focus in another direction, or trying to give experiences instead of possessions, or committing random acts of kindness, or adopting a family in need, or concentrating on What Really Matters, or agreeing as a family to pull the spending wayyyy back this year, or going Christmas caroling and stringing popcorn in an effort to get back to basics, or the whole amorphous concept of SIMPLIFICATION.

But I’m not turning it in that direction, either, because it seems like a lot of “solutions to holiday stress” end up being additional sources of stress: now we have to get the perfect gift AND it has to be handmade; now we have to add volunteer work to our list of chores; now we have to sing in the freezing cold when we hate doing that; now we have to self-loathe about all our decorations and gifts and our entire culture and every way we do things; now we have to take a Holiday Yoga class; now everything has to be perfect AND simple. A lot of the stuff even IS good ideas, but we’ve heard them all by now and we’ve already incorporated the ones that work for us.  It’s like hearing the same old dieting tips.

As it turns out, I’m not going anywhere with this—except, no doubt, over to my parents’ house to assure them a hundred times that YES I will be excited and have a wonderful time as usual, YES of course it IS about family and Lindt chocolate Santas, YES I’ll no doubt soon get into my usual excited shopping mood, NO we don’t need to do that thing about giving each other donations to charity, YES this is just a fleeting mood, NO it’s just a pre-holiday stress vent, NO the solution is not to CANCEL CHRISTMAS. I even got a little perked up just now when Elizabeth (age 4) said she hoped she’d get Hello Kitty markers AND new shoes for Christmas: those will be fun to buy.

I’ll go first:

1) A pair of Lucky “Lola” Skinny Jeans. I am not a huge fan of the skinny jean, but I’ve been inexplicably craving a pair this year. These aren’t as comfortable as my broken-in everyday jeans, but they’re nearly not as bad as I expected them to be. The waist isn’t too low (bonus!), and the fit over my thighs isn’t, like, sausage-casing tight. They work perfectly with boots, without bagging at the knees. If you’re in the market, give this style a try!

2) Bare Escentuals Multi-Tasking Minerals Bisque. This stuff can be used as a concealer or an eyeshadow base. I use it to sweep a little powder above my eyes up to the brow and I don’t know HOW it works but it somehow makes my eyes pop, my eyebrows look more groomed, and my entire face seems softer. Bonus: it takes all of 2 seconds to put on. LOVE.

3) “Percussion Gun”, White Rabbits. I don’t know anything about this band—I think this was an iTunes Genius recommendation—but oh my god, I could listen to this song over and over and over and OVER. Which in fact I have been doing.

5) Pureology ScalpCure Shampoo and Conditioner. When my stylist was cutting my hair last weekend she suggested this brand and at first I was kind of embarrassed, because what do you mean I need dandruff shampoo? Well, FINE, I guess my scalp does get dry and flaky sometimes, especially this time of year when the air is so dry inside. Normally I just switch to the Neutrogena T Gel stuff for a day or two when that happens, but this Pureology smells SO much nicer and feels much easier on my hair. Plus, it totally works! No more surreptitiously blowing on my shoulders when I’ve got a black shirt on.

5) Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen. The Amazon blurb starts out describing this book as “Full of incredible characters, amazing athletic achievements, cutting-edge science, and, most of all, pure inspiration.” It’s an absolutely fascinating read, deeply satisfying on a number of different levels. You can simply enjoy the fast-paced story that builds up to a fifty-mile foot face made up of semi-crazed ultrarunners and a tribe of nearly superhuman Tarahumara Indians, or you can also soak up the brain-bending thesis about why we were born to run and why the current plethora of overly cushioned fancy athletic shoes is making it so hard on our bodies to do so. Finally, I can almost guarantee reading this will change how you think about running, and light a fire in your soul to get out there and give it a try.

Okay, your turn! Favorite things you’ve bought (for you) lately: GO.

1.  Knitting spool.  It’s fun when something from my childhood is still around in basically the same incarnation.  This is one of those things that makes a long knit rope, and my mom gave me one when I was a feverish, bored, restless child back about…well, no need to do the math.  I bought William a $3 Boye version at a craft store (I think Walmart has them, too), plus…

2.  Yarn.  I bought a $2.50 skein of Red Heart multicolored yarn, which I found at Walmart.  The multicolored yarn results in a STRIPED rope, which is significantly cooler than the Hippie Natural Unbleached Yarn rope I made as an ill child in the 1970s.  I like #950, which makes a rainbow.  Who’s a hippie NOW?

3.  Colored pencils.  Less messy than markers, less everyday than crayons, and easy to find at Target or Walmart or wherever you’ve run to get apple juice and a new vaporizer and more ibuprofen and TEN MINUTES AWAY FROM THE HOUSE OF SICKNESS and so forth.  Also pick up a…

4.  Drawing pad.  Regular paper is fine too (especially with a clipboard) but a drawing pad makes it more sickbed-special and gives a nice solid writing surface for balancing on the lap.

5.  Fun books.  William hasn’t been feeling well enough to read his regular books, but he did look at Amelia’s Notebook, a hybrid of book, scrap book, and comic book.

6.  Um, personal DVD player.  This is what magazines lightheartedly refer to as a “splurge” and the rest of us refer to as an “OMG YOU HAD BETTER BE KIDDING ME.”  But I got one on a total steal ($20 on clearance “as is” but we’ve never found a thing wrong with it) and I can fully recommend it.  Our kids have dropped it again and again (including from the TOP BUNK) and it is still working fine.  It’s easy to use, and it lets a kid watch DVDs in bed at a low volume in another room without Mother feeling she will lose her ever-loving mind if she hears one more episode of SpongeBob.

7.  Travel stuff.  A lot of things made for traveling are perfect for sick beds and hospitals and couch nests:  they’re usually compact, and with systems for keeping all the pieces in place.  Auto Bingo, no, but Desk to Go, yes.  License Plate Game, no, but Travel Lite Brite, yes.  Color Wonder Travel Tote, yes.  Magnetic Travel Tangoes, yes.  Find It, yes.

8.  Puzzle books.  William isn’t up to doing something like a crossword puzzle, but a dot-to-dot book is absorbing without being overly taxing.

Here’s some cooking inspiration for your Halloween evening, if you can put the fun-sized Butterfingers down long enough to spend time with a recipe or two:

Caramel apples. Classic. Sure, you could give one to your kid, but do you really want to be cleaning caramel out of the carpet all winter? Me, I’d wait to nosh on one after the trick-or-treaters are in bed for the night. Shhh, it’ll be our secret.

Sweet and Savory Pumpkin Cauliflower Soup. This sounds like a perfect dinner to celebrate the season and strengthen the spirits before you start the grueling chore of stuffing your child into their once-beloved costume, which they of course now hate with the burning hate of a thousand hating suns.

Sweet and Salty Pumpkin Seeds. Cinnamon, butter, and sugar? Yeah, I’d hit that.

Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream. Homemade. Pumpkin. Pie. Ice. Cream. Dear LORD in heaven. GET IN MAH BELLEH.

Leftover Candy Cookies. Here’s a good way to stop eating the leftover Halloween chocolates: use them to make some delicious cookies. Then eat those instead.

Meat Hand. Oh, I SO saved the best for last. Wait, where are you going? Children NEED a good meal before heading out into a cold October evening! Why not warm them up with a nice hearty meatloaf for dinner? EVERYONE WILL LOVE THIS!

I was reading Lora’s post about cervical cancer and how it doesn’t get quite the parade breast cancer does. Uterine and ovarian cancer get left in the shadows, too. I’m guessing it’s because you can check yourself for breast cancer so it’s a good idea to make everyone aware of it. Other kinds, it’s more like Annual GYN Office Visit Awareness.

But it’s also a SHOPPING problem: I looked around and there are sites for the non-breast forms of Girl Cancer awareness, but they don’t SELL STUFF. If I can’t buy a pencil or a t-shirt for it, I’m not as aware, is my feeling about it.

Luckily, places like Etsy and CafePress step in where non-profits forget to tread.

This is my favorite design at CafePress: it’s a tote bag that says “Fight Like a Girl,” and teal is the color for both ovarian and cervical cancer so it applies to either. But perhaps the thong or the beer stein would be more appealing.

For something more specific to cervical cancer, I like the design on this button (which, like most CafePress designs, can be purchased on many different products).

For something more specific to ovarian cancer, perhaps this throw pillow (again, this same design can be printed on many different things—though, sadly, not the thong).

A teal ribbon necklace is available from Designs by Best Friends on Etsy.

This “strength” necklace by Smitten Jewelry on Etsy would make a wonderful gift for a friend.

And this pretty necklace by Maggie McMane Jewelry Designs on Etsy is for both breast and reproductive cancers.

Baby air freshener. Mmmmm, gotta love that fresh poopy diaper smell.

Shark attack. HA HA HA HA HAAAA *wipes tear* HAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Whoopie baby. Hey, comes with its own sound effects!

Baby pimp. You’re money, baby! MONEY!

Lil’ cockroach. Ahhhh! Smash it with a shoe!

Toddler safety barrel. Wow, Mom, it’s like you didn’t even TRY.

Peep peep. Aww, who’s a disgusting dye-soaked marshmallow concoction?

Child as human toilet. The best part is how your kid will be referred to as “that kid dressed as a toilet”. Or maybe the best part is when someone inevitably jokes about using the toilet.

There! *dusts off hands* Your Halloween costume shopping for the year is done. You’re welcome.

Some of us have lovely, lovely family members who are a joy to be around, but it seems like most of us have at least SOME family members who drive us batcrap crazy. Surely we can combine forces on this—if not to drive all those family members into a barbed-wire enclosure, at least to make their visits more bearable. I will share my tips with you if you will share yours with me.

1. Solo outings. If you can leave your children briefly with the difficult family member, a visit is a great time to get some things done. Have you had a haircut since the snow melted? Have you seen the GYN since your third grader was born? When was the last time you donated blood? Wasn’t there something you wanted to talk to your child’s teacher about? ALL of these things can be scheduled during the visit, giving you brief breathers in the outside world.

2. Cooking and baking. This looks sooooo hostessy, and also keeps you occupied in the kitchen. And oh dear, now there is clean-up—the children will have to go talk with Grandma while you finish the dishes.

3. Booze in the laundry room. Vodka doesn’t leave a telltale scent, or so I’ve heard. A little swig when you cycle the wash into the dryer, maybe another little swig when you fold the clothes. Two swigs when it is Crazy Dinner/Bed Time and someone is stationed in the observation deck to notice how badly you handle it.

4. Forgetting something at the grocery store. Oh dear, you will have to just RUN OUT for a minute, you will be RIGHT BACK. Sit in the parking lot at the grocery store with your head on the steering wheel, breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth, or perhaps it is supposed to be the other way around. When you go in to get the one grocery item you need to prove you actually did go to the store, also get yourself a jelly doughnut from the in-store bakery. THE LORD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES.

5. Movies. If your houseguest will watch them, that’s 2 hours of not interacting with each other, followed by another hour of talking about the movie so you don’t have to think of other things to talk about or hear again about the co-worker who has let herself go since she had kids and now wears nothing but t-shirts and jeans, kind of like YOUR ever-present t-shirts and jeans, what a coincidence that this topic would come up.

Your turn. SHARE with me, people: I’m 3 days into this thing and already cycling laundry way more often than necessary.

Do the ouchiest one last. Researchers did a study on whether the order of shots, in the case of multiple immunizations during one visit, affects pain in infants. The results suggest pain consistently increases from the first injection to the second, so children experience less pain overall if they’re started with the least painful vaccination first.

Distract from the pain. Older kids respond to distraction during injections. One suggestion is to try holding up a feather and asking your child to blow on it just as they’re getting their shot. Another idea is to swab a small amount of alcohol on the opposite arm that’s getting the injection, and having your child blow on the alcohol before and during the shot. The feeling of pain should be reduced, as the body focuses on the sensation of cold instead.

Ask to block the shot. The Shot Blocker is a plastic device that uses pressure to numb the injection area, some doctor’s offices will use them on request.

Chill the boo-boo. Try a reusable, nontoxic Boo Boo Buddy cold pack to distract your child and cool the injected arm after the shot.

Try a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down. Okay, maybe not a heaping spoonful, but research shows infants who are dosed with a small amount of sugar solution prior to injection seem to tolerate pain better. So give your kid a Krispy Kreme before his shots! Or, you know, a little bit of sucrose and water.

Do you have any tricks for dialing down needle-related unhappiness?

Draft snake in “Lush” by Oh the Cuteness! on Etsy. Draft snakes help keep the chill out, but can we call them something less slithery-sounding?  Swiss cake rolls are long and thin, too.

“Tree–November” print by KaraRee on Etsy.  This is the fun and pretty of orange polkadots, in nature photograph form.

Mid-Century Modern Cloth Napkins by juniper*berries on Etsy. New pretty cloth napkins? Okay!

Fall Colors by Cupcake Cutiees on Etsy.  These make me want to start making jewelry or fridge magnets or scrapbooks or ANYTHING THAT COULD USE THESE CUTE LITTLE PICTURES.

Leafy felt wallet in mustard and teal by your wishcake on Etsy.  Warm and cozy and pretty AND practical.  Score.

Fat quarter Joel Dewberry collection by Small Grapes on Etsy. This seizes me with the urge to learn ONCE AGAIN how to sew buy tons and tons of different fabrics and keep them on shelves where I could easily take them out and pet them. This grouping has all I could ask for from fall fabrics: turquoise and orange and brown and cream colors, and leaves and birds, and also deer heads.

“October in polka-dot wellies” print by sarahjanestudios on Etsy.  There’s one for every month.

Lily of the Valley earrings by LuzDesigns on Etsy.  Prrrrrrrrettiesssssssss.

Pumpkin-patterned reusable menstrual pad from effiethepixie on Etsy. You heard me.

Eclipse Spearmint gum. My favorite gum. A must-have for clearing out coffee breath.

Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in “Mauvy Night”. This lip color stays put without drying my lips, and it goes on super fast—it’s easy to re-apply at my desk or in the rearview mirror while I bark at the children to stop hitting each other or whatever.

Covergirl Clean pressed powder in “Creamy Natural”. A great drugstore compact that deals with shine without adding a visible layer of crud to your face.

Travel packs of tissues. Between my sinus issues and the likelihood of having to swab up after the kids, I never, ever, ever leave the house without tissues.

Ibuprofen. Because duuuuude. I always need it.

Goody “Ouchless” hair ties. Every purse I own has at least three or four loose hair ties floating around in its innards. Apparently I have a phobia about enduring an Emergency Ponytail Situation while I’m out and about.

My point-and-shoot camera. I have a little Canon PowerShot that’s the perfect size for carrying in my purse. I don’t take it every single day, but when we go somewhere with the kids I tend to bring it along.

A bunch of moist towelettes. (God, what a gross term: moist towelette.) I scavenge these from restaurants and keep them handy for nose-swabbings and other Unpleasant Tasks.

Some random toy. For tossing at whoever’s acting the most feral, as a distraction.

My iPhone. The most versatile thing I own: it’s a phone (duh), a means of playing videos for the kids, a camera, a video camera, a portable web-surfing/email-reading/Twittering device, a navigation system, a weather forecaster, a calculator, a calendar, etc, etc, etc.

How about you? What’s in YOUR purse?