This weekend I sold my shirts at a local city fair. I always get a bit of a reaction from my Mommy Needs a Cocktail line and every so often it isn’t always positive. I’m cool with that. Some mothers rear their children all while never having a drop of alcohol touch their lips. My intent isn’t to offend, but I certainly don’t expect everyone to appreciate my stunningly fabulous sense of humor. To me Mommy Needs a Cocktail doesn’t mean you need to drink a fifth of scotch before breakfast in order to make it through the day. Although finding 6 packs of Forever stamps stuck to everything other than mail today might make me reconsider. But it really is just a joke. It’s supposed to lighten your mood for those Forever stamps days.

Recently I explained to someone who asked about the name “Mommy Needs a Cocktail” that it is that exact time of the day when you have just simultaneously cleaned the green paint off your blue carpet and chewed your three year old out for what I believe we are calling “poor choices” these days only to turn around to find your 1 year old has had the green paint the entire time you have been cleaning and has now redecorated the dining room floor as well.

Mommy Needs a Cocktail. She doesn’t have to pour herself one at 1:30 p.m. but it’s safe to say she needs one.

But Monday I got a reaction that I had never had before when an attractive single guy walked up with his much younger girlfriend. He looked like someone I would have dated in my former life. Devilishly attractive, executively employed, not quite as brilliant or funny as he thinks he is.

Guy: MOMMY NEEDS A COCKTAIL?
K: Um, yeah.
Guy: What’s that?
K: Um, mommy. needs. a. cocktail.

I flashed to Winona Ryder in Reality Bites. The definition of “irony” being something that is ironic.

Guy: (laughing) Well, that just sends out the wrong message.
K: And what message would that be?
Guy: If mommy needs a cocktail, then she really needs to get herself a job and drop some weight.

He then ran. Which I think was a brilliant move on his part. If you are a conscientious objector, I get it. If you are talking out of your, well, you know, you are opening yourself up for mockery on the Internet. I thanked him for the blog material as he ran away.

The title of this post was what I said to him. What would you have said?