Most professional women get to a point in their careers where the majority of their peers, and bosses, are men. Only 16% of corporate executives are female, so chances are high if you sit in the corner office, you are the only woman on your floor. This can make asking for, and getting, work flexibility difficult. As compelling as the business case for flexibility is, you have to convince your male boss you are as good as your peers (or better) and that your effectiveness will be enhanced by increased flexibility. If it is granted, you have to work like crazy to ensure nothing falls through the cracks.
It is understandably challenging for a guy who probably has a wife at home full time raising the family, who always has clean, pressed clothes ready and available for work, who has food prepared and ready to eat, and who can work crazy hours without guilt to understand you and give you an audience. So if you have a women boss, at least she should be more willing to provide you some flexibility, right? You would think she would be able to empathize with how difficult it can be to work those same hours when you also make all of the babysitting/daycare/housekeeping/laundry arrangements, ensure food is available and cooked when the family needs to eat, coordinate and arrange all school functions, Halloween costumes, doctors appointments, and birthday parties, not to mention arrange social engagements, family outings, vacations, and date nights.
Surprisingly, many people find they have it even worse with a female boss. A friend of mine once applied for a Friday off to take her family skiing after a long period of intense work with long hours. Her big deadline was to end at 9am that morning and she felt confident she could have all of her team’s deliverables done by the previous night so there would be no issue. Her boss declined and reminded her about company policy for vacations during busy time. So, she dutifully went to work that day, hoping that she could at least leave early once the project was delivered. She submitted the project at 9am and received a “thanks for your hard work” pat on the back by her boss, who then booked an appointment on her calendar to meet about a completely unrelated and irrelevant discussion for 4:45pm that day. Her boss coyly commented, “Oh, I know you probably were hoping to get an early start on that weekend with your family, but it is the only available time I have today.”
I also have known many executive moms who resist allowing part time employees or telecommuters and demand even more hours from their teams than their male counterparts.
Why is this? I think there are several reasons. First, I think executive moms often feel they had to work so hard to get there without the flexibility they needed, that they almost resent those who ask for breaks they didn’t get. Second, I think some female executives had to sacrifice having a family or being their perfect ideal of a mother to get where they were, so they are jealous of anyone trying to have it all. Third, many professional mothers have stay-at-home husbands, which makes them as well-supported and un-sympathetic as their peers.
So, my sisters, I make of you this request: Use your executive power to change the world. We cannot alter what went before us and how people have treated us in the past. However, work flexibility won’t happen unless those in charge make it happen. So, it is our responsibility, as executive moms, to do our part. Suppressing our jealousy of younger women and offering them options we never had is hard, but knowing we made a difference, even in small ways, can be very personally rewarding. Also, statistics show flexibility makes people more productive and increases employee retention, so it’s good for your business. And to those who do “Pay It Forward”, I salute you. You are the pioneers that will give women and men of the future a better place to work.
Amen, amen, and amen.
I do think there’s one more factor at play here, possibly. Male bosses may fear the stigma of a female employee crying sexual discrimination. It’s not logical, but in my previous life as a corporate drone, male execs were counseled to be as accommodating with women employees as possible (the few of us that there were) to help enhance the company’s reputation as female-friendly.
Female bosses don’t have that fear to motivate them.
Now, I wish we lived in a world where NO ONE needed that sort of reason to be reasonable with their employees, but there it is.
Mir | June 6th, 2007 at 1:12 am
Kelly, I love this post! I spent the last 10 years in the corporate world, one way or another, and one thing that I’d consistently encountered was female bosses who were less encouraging, less flexible, and overall less into helping my career and mentoring me than my male bosses. I’ve been in consulting, technology, and then venture capital and this trend was consistent - and very sad.
I always felt that yes, female bosses and female executives in general had this “I toughed it out so you should too” attitude - of most of them did. But I also thought there was another factor in play - insecurity. I often felt that senior women were hesitant to give a break or a leg up to a more junior woman because they were afraid that if this woman did not work out, it would be a poor reflection on them. Male executives, on the other hand, could care less - they would give me a shot and were secure enough in their position and career that hey, if I screwed up, it was my issue, not theirs.
And finally - sorry for this long comment, but this is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time! - I think there is the fear that by being more flexible or welcoming or supportive of other women female executives might come off as not being fully objective and biased.
But at the end of the day, all of these points need to somehow be pushed aside - men rely heavily on their networks and the old boys’ club - we need to create our own. I’d like to think that I would be flexible and supportive with a woman who was working for me - and perhaps it is up to our generation to change the trend of women not helping each other.
Nataly | June 6th, 2007 at 1:30 am
Fantastic post, Kelly. You should check out Pink Magazine - it’s a new mag for women execs and it has touched on this issue. Although I’ve worked *with* some really great women executives, I have never had a direct report female boss that hasn’t been a complete power-tripping nasty case. I don’t understand why we have to do this to each other. Do we think it makes us look weak to be friendly and compassionate? I’m hopeful that times are changing.
PT-LawMom | June 6th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
This is a great post on one of those little secrets that doesn’t really get discussed much. I’ve had both male and female bosses in my 20 years (!) of post-college work experience, and much as it pains me to say it, I think the men may have been more understanding about the need for flexibility. They’ve tended to be more of the mindset that “I don’t care as long as the work gets done,” and they don’t want long explanations. (I had one notable exception, but he had plenty of other issues too…)
I’ve always felt that women have a strong obligation to help each other along - building our own networks, as Nataly says - but the women I’ve worked for (so far) haven’t really seemed to share that. As all of you mention, there’s been more of sense that they haven’t wanted to give breaks they didn’t get themselves, for various reasons.
In my own responsibilities as a supervisor, I try to “pay it forward,” as Kelly puts it, and be understanding of my employees’ needs - with the caveat that the work doesn’t suffer, of course (some people will take advantage, unfortunately, and that messes it up for everyone). Offering flexibility does convey respect for your employees, which in return helps build both performance and loyalty.
Florinda | June 6th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
I loved this post! For the first time in my working career, I am working with a fabulous woman! Michelle Yozzo Drake is the CEO of The Cove group, a speaker, career coach, and author that “gets it”! She speaks on this very subject and is also in the midst of writing a book, “From the Kitchen to the Corner Office: Mom’s Recipes for Success REVEALED! The book is due out in October…This book is about all the things you learn as a mother and how applicable they are to your career or home-based business! You should check out her web-site
at http://www.michelleydrake.com. By the way, I will be working a flexible schedule this summer so that I can reduce daycare costs and spend more time with my kids! Thanks Michelle!
Christine | June 8th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
I MUST DISAGREE! I have had 4 female bosses, and only had issues with one of them. The other 3 were amazing women who did nothing but encourage me, support my family life, and allow me to work from home if I had a sick child, home repairs, etc.
Stacey | June 14th, 2007 at 6:43 pm