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The scenario most working mothers fear happens when they least expect it.
You’ve managed to transform your home into a well-oiled machine — the nanny or sitter arrives in time for you to head out to the office, deal with rush hour traffic, grab a cappuccino and be at your desk milliseconds before your boss walks by your door.
You made it! You beat him or her your desk in your continuing attempts to say:
“I am in complete control of my work and family schedule, thank you very much!”
Then “that” morning arrives.
The nanny is late because of her own personal emergency. And you’re faced with a dilemma — do you ‘fess up and tell your boss the real reason you’re going to be late or do you lie? Is it better to come up with a story about getting stuck in the world’s worst traffic jam or that you overslept rather than explain the real reason for your tardiness?
One recent study says that many women would rather come up with a little white lie about why they’re late or have to leave the office early instead of telling the truth if it’s because of a childcare snafu, even if they are entitled to take the time away from their desks. Why? Because they believe that in the eyes of their employers, it’s better to be seen as someone who accidentally hit the snooze button one time too many times than a mother whose family obligations infringe on the bottom line.
If you’re late because the traffic was backed up on I-270 or on the 405, hey — you couldn’t help that! Even the head honcho gets caught in the mother of all back-ups sometimes.
But a surprising number of women fear that their opportunities for promotions or challenging work will be compromised if they let on that they have to have time away from the office occasionally during working hours to tend to their children. Probably because they’ve seen it happen to others.
Even if employers have “official” flex-time policies, the women polled for this study, that was reported in the U.K’s Times Online, reported that bosses and colleagues alike tended to be less understanding if the reason for taking time out of the office was related to childcare or family obligations, and that they worried about what impact that would have on their careers in the long run.
So what do you do? If your son or daughter has to get picked up at school for a doctor’s appointment or the sitter has to leave early, are your honest about your reason for heading out before closing time or do you fudge the truth? And is it time for the government to step in to make sure no parent gets penalized for caring for their family?
This entry was posted on Monday, September 24th, 2007 at 1:48 pm and is filed under PunditMom Ponders, working mothers.
Tags: childcare, flex-time, nannies, working mothers
September 24th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
I have no boss - yeah!:) - but I find that sometimes I lie about why I am late for meetings or calls. I run a company for working moms, so I feel horrible when I perpetuate this practice, but sometimes, particularly when I am meeting with a man I don’t consider particularly family-friendly, I’ll say I got stuck in traffic or at a meeting when really, I was late dropping my daughter off to school because the particular pair of socks she wanted to wear was nowhere to be found.
September 24th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
In general, I tend to be rather vague. ‘I will be in late on X date’ and leave it at that when a doctor’s appointment is required. And my boss and I have a great working relationship! If he pushed, asking if everything was ok, then I would tell him the truth. But my gut instinct is to NOT tell the truth when it comes to time away from work for family/child reasons. I never really realized it until you pointed that out. Thanks a lot! LOL
September 24th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
I am really truthful but I know it hurts me because I see the way my boss reacts to other women who tell the truth. Men seem to be more vague and it works for them — they call in and say, “I’m working from home this morning and will be in at 10.” I think that works at an executive level, but it wouldn’t fly at my current (staff) level.
September 25th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
I tend to be vague, not to hide anything, but, I’m pretty sure the people I work with don’t really care about the nitty gritty details.
September 25th, 2007 at 5:53 pm
I’m usually pretty honest, and likely to tell more than I need to. I tend to think if my excuse is on behalf of someone else, it’s harder to challenge it - but I could be wrong. Fortunately, I work for a family-services agency, so in theory it’s a pretty understanding environment.
September 25th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
Here’s an irony for you all: I am a child-care provider, and I’ve been known to fudge it about just why I need a half-day off…
I’m always aware that whenever I take an unexpected day off (as opposed to holidays which are booked 4 - 6 months in advance), I’m inconveniencing half a dozen families, and it feels like I need half a dozen reasons for doing it!
Like many of you, I have developed the strategy of giving less, not more information. Generally, that’s just fine. They’re not that interested in why - their focus immediately goes to the logistics of the problem I’ve presented them!
October 18th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
[...] couple of weeks ago, I wondered about working mothers who lie to their bosses about scheduling issues that come up because of child care problems — the [...]