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Single Mom at Work
with Kristin Darguzas
I am a single Mother to my three year old son: a Hot Wheels expert, culinary failure, focused career woman and earnest student at the School of Motherhood. My work as a digital advertising executive is equal parts demanding and rewarding, and amidst business travel, home life, and tentative social baby steps - I am constantly striving to find a comfortable balance.
I don’t believe I can have it all. I don’t mean that in a negative way, just realistically.
As a single Mom, (taking romantic love out of the equation) looking only at the triage of home, work, and child, I can only keep two happy. Most of the time, it’s my home that is the neglected of the three, covered in secret dust bunnies, holding sad crusty dishes in her sink. I’ve tried the house cleaner route, but it’s too much of a luxury right now and honestly: my son is number one, my work is number two, and the smudges on the bathroom mirror will just have to wait.
I have found, though, that there are a few small things I can do that allow me to have maximum bike-riding time with Nolan, completing my work and maybe making a bed or two. Here are my best 5 timesavers.
1. Make the child’s lunch the night before. I never feel like putting casserole in tupperware or making a sandwich at 9:00 PM after Nolan’s in bed, but when I make his lunch in the evening, I’m always so grateful the next day. I’ll never feel like doing it more in the morning, no matter how earnestly I try to convince myself.
2. Set the alarm clock to have an hour to myself in the morning. This is harder than it sounds, because sleep is so precious and rare around here. Plus, my son is an early riser, pattering out of bed around 6:00 AM. But if I get up at 5:00 and have a shower and make a pot of coffee, the morning runs so much more smoothly than attempting to shower with a squirmy, splashy three-year-old.
3. Go for a noon-hour run. I work better in the afternoon if I work out at lunch, rather than in the evening. My mind is sharper for my afternoon work if my body is happy and exercised.
4. Keep a clean desk. This is a tough one for me: I thrive on sticky notes and I go at a million miles an hour: writing, compiling, multitasking. But if I organize my desk at the end of each day, I can find things so much easier on a daily basis, saving time and frustration.
5. Take an hour every week for myself. It’s tough, especially as a single parent, to find selfish me time. A babysitter must be lined up, there are a million things to be done at home. But an hour of yoga, or of book browsing, or a simple Tuesday-night hike, is refreshing and allows me to concentrate on the small, necessary things. Like building blocks to the moon with my son, and maybe contemplating those dishes in the sink.
What small things do you to to create more time for what’s important?
I try to do my thing with my kids around, so they can get used to it and maybe emulate me. I do my yoga in the morning while they play outside - alternately riding their trikes, copying my movements (cute!), and climbing on me. I share my coffee with them (just a few sips) and talk about how lovely the day is as I sit and breathe it in. Today when they were in the tub, I decided to sneak a page of grown-up reading, and wee one asked me to read aloud, so I did. They went about their play, listening to the cadence of my words. I played the piano as my daughter sat next to me, watching and nodding the time like a living metronome. I get on the computer while they are playing with their toys, occasionally letting them take a look or play with the keyboard for a moment. Although one could say none of this is really “me time,” it’s satisfying, and I hope it’s conditioning them to allow me to have some “me time” as they get a little older.
The other good side effect is that if I get all that personal stuff out of the way while my kids are with me, it give me more time for other “important stuff” when they are napping/sleeping or with their nanny.
SKL | August 27th, 2008 at 11:21 am
These are great tips even if you are a married mom. The night before lunch packing is an absolute must so I don’t lose my mind. Also, picking out clothes (mine and the kids) the night before.
Also, I don’t enjoy this, but I pick up clothes, toys etc. at night before the kids go to bed. I actually make them help. Then it’s relatively neat and I can try to relax.
Sharon | August 28th, 2008 at 8:22 am
Yea, the life/time savers are good to have around but I myself have two issues. 1. Sticking to them, and 2. Laziness.
As much as I try to fit my single working mama life into a neat little box, I’ve grown to except that for now it’s just gonna have to be either a chaotic free for all or all work and no play which, as we all know is not an option with a two year old.
Miranda | September 1st, 2008 at 12:28 pm