I have a root canal scheduled for next week, and I’m trying to decide which I dread more: having a masked woman drill, scrape, and poke at my gaping maw, or making my daily cold calls.

It’s a simple equation: I’m just starting to freelance; I want clients, ergo cold calling must be done. I’m sort of a hermit. In fact, I sort of make Ted Kaczynski look like a social butterfly. But even if I had countless dozens of people in my social network, I would still have to make cold calls.

Yep. Just as soon as I do the dishes, vacuum, and play one more game of Big Trouble with my kids. Then I’m on it. Yessiree-bob. Wow, I never noticed how disheveled my spice rack is, better put them in alphabetical order. 3 jars of Thyme, tsk, tsk, gotta condense those. Alrighty, noooow I’m ready.

Right now it’s summer, I’ve got three kids in the house, so I simply can’t spend as much time prospecting as I will when school starts (darn!). Nevertheless, here’s how I make the cold calling I am doing as painless as possible.

• Have a script. It’s the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine of cold calling go down. I don’t have to think about what I’m going to say, and it helps keep me focused. Strange to say it, but when I hold that 3×5 card in my hand, it bolsters my courage. It also helps me not to pepper my speech with “you knows,” and “ums,” which I fall into when I’m nervous. A script also helps me get back in the game after a break, or after I’ve been rejected for the 40th time, which brings me to my next bullet point.
• Don’t take it personally. The vast majority of businesses I canvas aren’t going to be interested in my services, so I adopt the Field of Dreams approach: If I call them, they will hire. Eventually someone I contact is going to need a graphic designer. The more calls I make, the better my odds are.
• Wear bunny ears. Entertaining, bribing, and/or threatening my children with bodily harm so that I can make cold calls is an obstacle that’s unique to summer. (Shut up, I can dream can’t I?) I have a headband with bunny ears, left over from Easter. When I don the bunny ears my children know to 1) be quiet, 2) leave me alone, 3) be quiet and leave me alone. It’s the fun way to say, “do not incur my wrath.”
• Time it right. I don’t canvas on Mondays, Fridays, or in the afternoon. If I’m doing something I hate, I sure don’t want to work twice as hard to get results.
• Offer incentives. Me, not the client. For every X number of calls I make I get a diet coke, or a few minutes to surf the web. Who doesn’t love a gold star?

I hate marketing myself. HATE. I think that if your good at what you do, other people will promote you. The cream rises to the top, and all that. Yes, I also believe the moon is made of green cheese. Sigh. When I’m well established, hopefully my business will also grow by word of mouth, and I won’t have to do as much cold calling. Until then, my fingers will have to do the walking.