There are some things I’m not very good at doing. A couple of these things are an integral part of my job; they’re skills that I need on a daily basis. I’m not looking for sympathy or advice, so I won’t bother to tell you what they are (even though talking around them will probably make this post somewhat awkward).
The bottom line is, in order for me to do them well it takes a herculean effort, and even then the results are sub par. I could fill a book with all the means and methods I’ve used to cultivate these qualities, and it has helped some. But I’m not where I want to be, not even close. The problem is, I desperately want to be proficient in these areas, so I have a tough time accepting my deficiencies.
We all have stuff we’re no good at. I can’t tie a cherry stem with my tongue, or run a ten-minute mile. I’ve tried to learn how to juggle and jump rope, to no avail. I can’t knit. Even though I’d like to be able to do those things, the quality of my life and my work isn’t effected by their absence.
On the other hand, there are important talents at which I’m not adept, but I don’t value them– like marketing myself. I roll my eyes at most of the hoopla associated with that. (Brand myself? I’m not a cow.) Since that’s not a priority, I’m okay with being passable.
Hmm, now that I think about it, It occurs to me there’s a third category. (Shall I make a Venn Diagram? Plot the values along the X,Y axis? For Pete’s sake, cover your mouth when you yawn.) *sigh* Anyway, there is a third category, which is: abilities that are important, which I value, that I’m no good at, but I don’t feel bad about being bad at them. For example, I’m not very good at accounting. When/if my freelancing takes off, I can hire someone to do my bookkeeping and taxes. I know it’s not my forte, no big deal.
So why does it bug me so much that I just don’t have the knack for these other things? Really, it’s downright depressing. More than a simple character flaw, it feels somehow like a moral failing. Which it’s not. (Good grief, this post is going nowhere. I feel boring and exposed at the same time. Yet, I soldier on.) Maybe what bothers me is that I really want to excel, and don’t or can’t. Don’t is one thing, but can’t just isn’t the American way, is it?
It’s what we tell our children: Don’t say can’t. I also tell my kids, “Just do your best, that’s good enough.”
So…what do you do when your best isn’t good enough?
I feel this way about what you do for a living, actually. I can’t draw. I have no artistic ability. I can’t design. I can’t lay things out. Oh, I try. I do try. I spend hours working on blog banners just for my own edification. And then I look at a portfolio like yours and I want to stab myself in the eye with my crayons.
I so wish I had an artist’s eye. Does it impinge on my career not to have one? No. Does it affect the overall quality of my life? Sometimes, I think it does. Because I long for it, and I have glimmers of knowing what I am missing.
jcreer | July 30th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Like you say, we all have things we are good at and things we aren’t. Sometimes they matter, sometimes they don’t. I suppose if they DO matter, you do your damned best to lick ‘em, or find a way around ‘em, or find someone ELSE who can do them for you.
lizardek | July 30th, 2007 at 9:58 pm