A question I get asked a lot is how I got so lucky to find a job that I love so much. I am lucky to love my work and there are many reasons why I can make that statement. One of the top reasons I love my work is because I really enjoy the people that I work with.I haven’t run the numbers but off the top of my head I would guess that 75% of the people I work with are male. Sometimes working with men has its challenges. They are SO moody donchyaknow. **winks** Honestly, I can say that I work with fun (funny!), intelligent, caring men.
Yes, I said “caring” and “men” in the same sentence.
The women I work with are passionate about their careers and know exactly how to play with the big dogs. They too are fun (funny!), intelligent and caring.
As much as I like my co-workers I do not socialize with them much outside of the office. Oh sure, there is the occasional happy hour that I’ll attend and lunch with co-workers is never out of the question. Where I draw the line is attending any event where there may be a lot of drinking or space for people to get very personal in their conversations. I would sure hate to be in a position where a weekend of fun with co-workers made being at work uncomfortable for anyone the following Monday.
I also know that I spend a lot of time in the office with the people I work with. Sure, my projects change and so do the project resources. But for the most part I work regularly with the same core group of people. As much as I enjoy them during the 9-5 hours I would sure hate to burn out on spending time with them.
Maybe it is because I work with men (and I am a single female) that I have these socializing rules in place. I would hate for my reputation to be tarnished by untruths assumed by someone that may or may not witnessed a social activity. I would also hate for the truth to ever be misconstrued.
That said, I am the Queen of Networking (not to be confused with my duties as the Grandmother of Blogging). I am not cold or distant with my co-workers and have been confided in by a few about personal topics. When the time comes that one of us parts ways from an employer I do typically keep in touch with people that I worked closely with by scheduling dinners and happy hours for catching up.
How do you feel about socializing with co-workers? What is or is not acceptable in your mind? Do you have any stories of how socializing with a co-worker may have helped or hurt your career?
I haven’t tended to socialize all that extensively with my co-workers, and especially now it’s a geographical challenge - everyone’s a commuter in Southern California (I personally have 60 miles round-trip every day). It also seems to me that when you and most of your co-workers have families, it’s less likely that you’ll be seeing each other outside of work hours (I don’t consider lunch “outside” work hours), and you’re seeing plenty of each other during the work week as it is.
I don’t think it’s really affected my career much one way or the other. One of my best girlfriends is an ex-co-worker, but we really didn’t socialize much until after one of us had left that company (and now we’re both long gone). I think you make some particularly good points about socializing with male co-workers,too. In my experience, that is least complicated if at least one of you is gay.
I work in a pretty small department and I did invite all of my immediate co-workers to my wedding last fall, but that was a rare example of outside-the-office socializing. I’ve witnessed some cases where the outside relationship definitely seems to have complicated the working one, but so far that hasn’t happened with me.
Florinda | July 22nd, 2007 at 6:45 pm
Due to the type of work that I do for companies (in the past) I was only there to do a certain job and leave. Some companies I was only with for a few months while others were a bit longer.
My view point of work is go in, get the job done, get out. (I handled sensitive materials) so I did not make myself open to chatting with employees, but I would keep it a general conversation - hi, bye, have a good weekend type of thing.
I have been asked back by some companies as well as by the employees, some have asked how is she when they found out I turned the jobs down later.
I do think it is hard to be in one position and not eventually make a close friend but in my opinion those relationships for me were of the same sex. I have one male boss that I handled very highly sensitive materials for about 7 years ago who still keeps in touch and offers a lending ear when needed.
My preference and experience is leave work at work and home at home. I have seen office politics at its worse and that is usually when I am called in to clean it up.
Diane | July 23rd, 2007 at 11:15 am
Can I tele-commute to work for your employer?
keith | July 23rd, 2007 at 4:10 pm
I don’t mind chatting with co-workers or going to lunch (I rarely eat away from my desk anyway). But socializing outside work just doesn’t happen. As my husband says, I already spend the majority of my waking hours during the week with those people - I have better things to do with my free time! Are we just anti-social?
KathyK | July 24th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
[...] from lunches, happy hours and the like by the men they work with. Oh hell. Who am I kidding? I recently confessed that I was an F- in the department of caretaking social relationships with co-workers. But let me [...]
Work It, Mom! | A Community for Working Moms | November 29th, 2007 at 11:01 pm