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The bitch is in.
13 comments
(Cathie) Black Magic
12 comments
I think you are an idiot.
12 comments
It's finally Friday. I'm free again.
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I see a trend.
I talk to people online, in person and by phone daily. Some of my conversations are incredibly intimate and highly confidential. Some are a bit more relaxed. Some of these conversations are planned and some are impromptu but the one thing I am seeing in a lot of conversations these days is…
A complete and total lack of personal accountability.
I see this in my conversations with people on a broad range of topics including career, relationships, finances and overall life happiness. It seems the thing to do these days is to select someone else to be responsible for your past, present and future.
Are you participating in this new trend? I am looking to understand it a bit better so if you are blaming the man in the corner office for your lack of career success or piss-ass salary, I want to understand why you think it is his fault more than it is yours?
Please explain.
Tonight while surfing the world wide webernet I ran across CNN’s “The Power 50″. This is a list of the 50 most powerful women in 2007. I started reading through the profiles and found some impressive accomplishments for each one that I read. Unfortunately what isn’t available is an explanation of how they got to where they are today. I am curious to know if another female co-worker scolded them for not breastfeeding their children? I wonder how often they pissed and moaned for weeks on end about the fact that their manager didn’t MAGICALLY KNOW they didn’t want to travel for work anymore. How DARE they ask you to do the work you were HIRED to do.
I’m mostly curious to know how much these women in power dwelled on the shortcomings of peers, company leadership and their less than perfect working conditions. Did they wallow in the office drama and play their own version of the blame game or did they push their way through the imaginary glass ceiling to get precisely what they wanted for themselves?
Methinks it is the latter.
I am of the mindset that life (all of it) is precisely what you make of it. That doesn’t mean I am a PollyAnna or too delusional to know that life can be utterly shitastic at times. I have had my fair share of unfortunate experiences in life. And I addressed each and every one of them with the time and attention they needed at the time. Then? After that? I moved forward. Wallowing in our own shit is easy. Pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps and finding the high road? That? That takes balls, energy, drive and passion all of which I am incredibly blessed to have.
If you want a career that will inspire and challenge you, I think you might be at the right place. My mission for Who Stole My Stapler is to inspire you to go after the career of YOUR dreams. Whatever that dream may be. I want my readers to know that the corporate world is not a cold cruel place. Far from it, really. My goal is to help you make the best of your current career situation so that you can continue to move in the direction of YOUR goals. There is no blame here. There is no finger pointing. Only real stories of my experiences and information to help all of us grow in our corporate careers.
If you are looking to talk about co-workers that piss in your cheerios, that is at another URL and I don’t know the address.
My career is an extension of who I am as a person and I am pretty glad that I have been able to get out of my own gawddamn way to get here.
This entry was posted on Thursday, November 8th, 2007 at 12:03 am and is filed under Climbing the ladder, Life on the 3rd floor, Politics.
November 8th, 2007 at 9:10 am
I’m so glad you said this!! I was just replying to a post yesterday and after writing “don’t make excuses” I then took out the part where I wrote I HATE THAT. Because I didn’t want to come off too strong or throw my personal opinions in. But now that you’ve given me the outlet…I HATE THAT!! I’m so sick of dealing with people that have an excuse for everything. Makes me want to cut off that finger they point so readily. Listen, I don’t care if that’s how the client sent it, your job is to proof it and make it ok before I even see it. It’s YOUR job. Period.
I know that I used to do the same sort of passing the buck but if there is one thing I’ve learned in life, as a mom, wife, business owner, it’s to own up. And I’ve come to expect the same from others and I don’t care anymore if I look like a hard ass or a bitch. Granted, I have a bit of a harder time telling this to people when they are doing the same with their personal life, except if it’s my own family. I keep trying to get across to the 3 year-old that if she tells me right away she had an accident then she won’t get into trouble. But if she waits then blames it on something…even you are not immune to this little lesson my princess!
You are right that we all have to get out of our own way in order to succeed. The biggest thing you can do to start that process is to own up. Bring it, Kathy! I look forward to reading your blog!
November 8th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Here here. I’ve had a personal mantra for .. gah, I’m not sure how long.. and it is “DO YOUR JOB”. Like, when I ask for extra ketchup at a restaurant? Don’t roll your eyes and sigh like I just asked you to jaunt over to Heinz’s farms and pick the tomatoes yourself. Just get some damn ketchup.
I often use this in the office, too. People who whine because they feel “overloaded” often don’t have a clue as to what their job really is. If they did.. and they realized what they get paid for.. they might actually get some work done.
November 8th, 2007 at 9:36 am
wow - i am inspired. I think my brain has been dancing around this very thought for a while now. i see a LOT of finger pointing and have also thought to myself ‘it’ can’t all just be his/her fault, why are we blaming everyone else?’ but sometime you do get caught up in the blame game that seems to have nestled in comfortably with everyone around you. thank you so much for snapping me back to reality!!!
November 8th, 2007 at 9:40 am
Mandy and Sarah - thank you both for your supportive comments!
Mandy, I loved what you said about teaching your daughter accountability. I do the EXACT same thing with my children. Tell me and you won’t get in trouble. Make me find out on my own (which I always do) and your ass is mine.
Sarah…I nearly wet myself laughing at this line “Just get some damn ketchup.”
Here is one thing that could quite possibly separate the winners from the losers in the workplace. The winners do their job and they do it with a smile. They also will do the job of other people if and when necessary or possible. We do all we can to solve problems not cause them. For me, I will do my job AND YOURS if I have to. Then I will go to the boss, tell them all of my accomplishments and ask for my raise and yours.
November 8th, 2007 at 9:46 am
OMG! KATE! Jump off the Blame Train! Save yourself now!!! LOL
November 8th, 2007 at 10:11 am
You raise such a good point, Kathy. Well, two- yes, Kate, jump and we’ll catch you! But you could be so right in that this separates the winners from the losers. I have a list of people in mind as I write this and I’m thinking of their accomplishments, or lack there of. Let’s all go get the damn ketchup!
November 8th, 2007 at 11:05 am
lol ok ok! i jumped!
positive interjections can be just as infectious as negative ones! choose positive!
and i completely agree with the part about doign your job with a smile. so often offices get caught up in the ‘my day is worse than yours” “yeah well, my job sucks more than yours” ” yeah well, my boss is an idiot” etc… trying to out do each other with how much we hate our jobs? CRAZY! so i usually infuse with ‘i am having a great day! i have accomplished xyz and boss man said X good thing! awesome! i love today!’ (ok myabe not ALWAYS that ove the top but you get the point) which usually is met with sneers and eye rolling but then later i get the ’so how did you manage to do xyz? it went well? can you show me” etc.
November 8th, 2007 at 11:07 am
also - to lazy katchup getters i just really DO go over the top with ‘oh THANK you so much, this is PERFECT - you are fantastic!’ which at some point if they still arent reacting i just keep going adn they have to laugh at the absurdity of it all and then they are actually a lot nicer/energetic with the next customer. it’s like my goal to make grumpy people smile when really they have nothing to be grumpy about LOL
November 8th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
As a smart mentor once said to me “don’t be a victim”. It was a good reminder to never whine about why someone ELSE was getting to do something or why someone ELSE was to blame. If you start from the premise that you will NOT be a victim, it’s an amazingly powerful way to think. You’re in control.
November 8th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
All I can say here is THANK YOU, KathyHowe - for the reminder (to me) and the wake-up call (to us all)! I think most of the time I do take responsibility for myself - sometimes even when it really ISN’T my responsibility, but I feel like someone has to take it, you know? - but it can be all too easy to slip sometimes. Working on it, though, because I AM taking responsibility!
November 8th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Karen! I love your mentor! What great advice! Your comment reminded me of this Jim Rohn quote:
“Don’t become a victim of yourself. Forget about the thief waiting in the alley; what about the thief in your mind?”
Florinda - I am so glad this post was a helpful reminder! I was a little concerned that I might come across as rude, uncaring or offensive!!
November 8th, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Thanks Kathy I love this and you’re right we’re living in a ‘not my fault’ society.
When I have clients doing the ‘victim’ thing and blaming everything and everyone I always ask ’so what are YOU doing that’s getting you these results?’ and I don’t let them off the hook until they’ve identified it. Stops them dead in their tracks every time.
November 8th, 2007 at 7:21 pm
I love reading your posts and being able to relate it to the people I work with….
November 9th, 2007 at 10:59 am
[...] other news, I stumbled across this post the other day and it really resonated with me. Its something Darren and I discuss on a regular [...]
November 11th, 2007 at 10:31 am
Don’t be a victim.
Don’t play the ‘victim’ role.
Don’t blame others.
Or as Buckwheat Zydeco sang (and I’ll send this MP3 to Kathy Howe. Pronto, I promise):
“Make a change in your life,
Make it for the better.”
November 11th, 2007 at 11:43 am
(This comment space is hard to see even when I increased the contrast)
Well, I don’t think with the word “fault” or “who’s fault” is what goes through my mind. This seems like a “Only child” or “The world owes me” syndrome.
For me it is more of… “o.k. this happened, it sucks, but I can fix it.”
Because I take responsibility and then say it can be fixed or replaced, then I can solve it…I own it. I have control.
Owning = responsibility.
but that doesn’t bother me because I have control. Often people don’t mind me taking on the responsibility. What is cool about it is the benefits of “Owning”…knowledge, assets, power, efficiency from learning from mistakes, and retiring early because I played the risk right because I have so much relevant experience.
Owning = Risk.
Risk used in a rational way is rare.
People who climb the food chain are not afraid of “who’s fault”. They are worried that they might lose control over their future. Control = risk, control= responsibility. Control means getting past what is broken.
from Upstate NY
November 12th, 2007 at 9:33 am
Had to get this in for Florinda.
Quoting “for the reminder (to me) and the wake-up call (to us all)!”
Just speak for yourself and leave all others out “(to us all)!”
All new choices I have made in life have come when I am the first one to own up to my failed choices. What has happened to me is over a lifetime my choices have steadily improved. To thine own self be true . . . and let others take care of their growth. When I lead, and go get the damn ketchup when needed to complete any task at work, home, or just in everyday life, I’ve learned that worthwhile people will respond and will follow.
Kathy, “The Power 50″ are those who “Just get some damn ketchup.”
I use the triangle as my success model. It is thin at the top, but ALL at the top have one thing in common, THEY KNOW WHERE THE KETCHUP IS LOCATED AND WILL NEVER HESITATE TO GO GET IT!
November 13th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
I’m underemployed for the moment. It’s by choice - I have young children. I deal with a whiner coworker who I was happily seperated from most of the last year and now work with directly. I went through a two week period recently where I whined and acted like an a**. I’m done whining, maybe done with my current work situation by choice or by circumstance. Business is down. I am having issues with my next career move. I can’t seem to get a grasp on what I want to do next. I have no clarity on the situation. UGH!
November 16th, 2007 at 5:48 am
Thank you for an inspiring post about what WE need to do rather than what Wrong is Being DONE TO US. I admire your post and your attitude. It is exactly how I TRY to be and is what I am teaching my children. Accountability is where its at.
Recently, I looked at my boss and wished that I could take the kind of ownership of my job that he takes. His job is his own. Not somewhere he HAS to be, but the place to go to get his LIFE done. I decided to make the necessary changes so that my job was my life, my contribution, not just the place I have to go to get the bills paid. I decided to own my work and make it just like the other parts of my life that were already my own. Oh, by the way, did I mention that this new attitude got me a $12,000 raise????
I decided to change my attitude. I don’t work for the MAN. I work for myself to improve the lives of our clients. For that I feel I am fairly paid, and satisfied. I am not yet done. In a few months I will have my MBA and be in enrolled in law school. No, I am not 25 and single. 5 children and a demanding career and husband. Take accountability and own your life.
No, I am not always happy, pretty stressed out at times, but always satisfied that I am living my life, not blaming, watching or blaming the MAN.
November 20th, 2007 at 11:47 am
Ahhhh….thanks..I needed that!