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Playdate conundrum

Posted 20th April 2008 by Nataly, tagged playdates

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Ok, here's the situation:

A few weeks ago we were at a get-together in our neighborhood (an outside type of thing) and my daughter and this little girl made friends. Great.

Her mom came up to me, we chatted, and after a few minutes I knew that I really really really didn't want to spend much time with this woman at all. No need to go into details, just imagine someone you don't enjoy spending time with and this was this woman for me.

She clearly didn't feel this way and was going on and on about how we should set up playdates for our girls. Seeing how much fun my daughter was having with her daughter, I said sure, only to quickly realize that she wasn't talking about drop-off playdates but let's hang out all together and invite our husbands playdates. So more like a family get-together.

The last few weeks have been busy, but now I owe her a call. And I am wondering -- do I owe to my little one to overcome my dislike for this woman so she can have a fun playdate or is this a case when I can be a little selfish and consider my own enjoyment?

I am leaning towards the latter and feeling guilt creeping up already:) (Altough I do feel like we'll have to do it at least once not to be totally rude.)





12 comments so far...

  • If you noticed you don't like the mother - why would you allow your daughter to develop a relationship with her daughter? At some point in time the child will exude some type behavior that is reflective of the mother/parents. Your daughter will relay the incident/situation and how it was handled and you'll probably have a problem with it. Why subject you or her to a possible problem down the road just b/c they're getting along now?

    Or, you can continue to make excuses why you can't be there and continue to press the "drop off." But be prepared when something goes wrong to question yourself.

    Personally, I wouldn't in order to avoid a problem later on.

    Remember what the experts say about red flags - when you see them - you should pay attention to them! This is one of those red flags.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by caramelsugarberry38 on 21st April 2008

  • It's like couple dating all over again! You love the mom but your child is iffy over the child. Or they don't get along. You grit your teeth to get through a chat with the mom and the kids adore each other. You are truely lucky when the moms AND the kids mesh.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Jenns on 21st April 2008

  • I would not feel guilty in the least. You are not the one stopping the girls from playing together. You have offered a "drop off" play date and can continue to do so. If the other mom wants her daughter to have time with yours she will eventually agree. I would continue to avoid a "get together" unless it gets to the point where you have to be outright rude. Then I would probably cave and suffer through one such event.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lisa Nelson on 21st April 2008

  • I have been in that same situation. I just kept on with the meeting at the playground and she finally got the idea. while there, I would give reasons our family just "couldn't" go a night out..

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by hot_shuz on 21st April 2008

  • I would try it at least once so you don't seem rude like you said. If you get this feeling about the mom, I'm sure it's just a matter of time when the daughters will disagree on somethings also.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by WorkingForMom on 21st April 2008

  • We are going through the same thing, except the family lives across the street so it's hard to avoid. Does your daughter ask regularly to play with the other child? If not, I'd probably ignore it and move along.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Sharon on 21st April 2008

  • Good suggestions! -- except, when we talked the first time I'd invited her daughter over for a playdate (I made it pretty clear it was a drop off) and that's when she went into this let's all get together thing.

    But maybe I'll try again...

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Nataly on 21st April 2008

  • Hmm . . . if you are needing to feed that guilt, I like Lynn's suggestion - meet at the park . . . and then fit in the conversation every possible time you can that you are just soo busy!

    If you and her click a bit better, then you can decide whether its worth following up on the playdate.

    On the other hand, I do not have any qualms about just saying no. Women have a HARD time saying no. . . I am trying to practice it every chance I can get!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Naomi on 21st April 2008

  • Can you just ignore the situation all together and hope it goes away? That's what I would probably do. While, you may be totally wrong about this woman, and she could end up the very best of friends, and maybe she's just lonely and could use some adult companionship, I would still go with my gut. If your instincts are telling you to stay far away, then I would go with them.

    Has your little girl asked about them?
    If she contacts you, then just tell her how busy you've been,not a lie and a valid excuse, maybe you can put it off long enough that THEY become disinterested.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by sonyareads on 21st April 2008

  • Oh goodness... that is a tough. I would say you can definitely lean toward what you are comfortable with. Perhaps you can find a way to side-step the whole family gathering.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Yes, Mommy has to work today on 21st April 2008

  • Maybe you should consider inviting her daughter over to your house... the old "why don't you drop so&so off around 1:00 and either I can drop her off in a couple of hours or you can stop back by and get her". You may be able to have the best of both worlds...

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Marissa on 21st April 2008

  • Maybe instead of a total family get together, you can suggest meeting in the park and letting the girls play together. Limit it to one hour and then see how it goes from there. This way you may find something about her you do like.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by lynn59 on 20th April 2008

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