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You keep hearing it in your head but you still can’t believe it. “My husband cheated on me“. Is this a nightmare that I’ll soon wake up from and forget? Did this happen to ME?

When you first found out that your spouse had an affair, the sense of betrayal can be almost unbearable. In a single moment, you were ripped from a life you have counted on and felt safe in. Your marriage and family was a foundation for your life. Could it really be gone now? What can you possibly do?

More than every thing, you just want it to go away. You want to restore the life that you knew, that you thought was safe, with the one you love. But how can you deal with the disappointment, the jealousy, the anger, the shock, the fear, the frustration and how do you pull out the knife that was stuck in your back?

There are two steps to deal with this question. The first one is to cry it out. Let the tears run wild, feel sorry for yourself and allow the grief to take over. But just for a while. When the tears subside, take a deep breath and go to the second step.

The second step is to actually try an answer this question by yourself. How did it happen? What were the events that lead to the infidelity in your marriage?

In this sense the question is incredibly important.

After the initial shock, you may start to feel foolish. How could I be so blind and not know that dear husband is cheating? You feel like you’ve been like a “sucker”. Deceived and utterly betrayed.

If you feel like a dope for being lied to so “easily”, you are being too hard on yourself. It doesn’t say anything about your character and it has nothing to do with your intelligence.

An affair is a result of a long process. It’s hard to notice every little sign that an affair is about to happen and sometimes we just really don’t want to see the signs. We push away the concerns and suspicions because it’s the last thing we want to deal with.

If the betrayal is not enough, you may feel even more betrayed if you find out that other people knew about his affair before you did, and never told you. It’s normal to feel this way, but right now you have to remember that this crisis is between you and your spouse, not between you and them. After that, try to give them the benefit of the doubt until you hear their explanation.