Everything happens for a reason
I have been stuck home on "bed rest" (or should I say "chair rest" as I cannot even lie down) for almost 3 weeks now in excruciating pain. I feel like my left leg is going through a shredder.
Been going through different treatments, doctors, Xrays and
finally MRI friday. The orthopedist believes I have an
herniated disk. I will see him again tuesday. I can't wait for him to treat the cause and not the pain. I cannot continue like that. I, who work full time, a Mom, a wife, always running, stressing, doing: stuck at home doing NOTHING. My DH is now taking care of the kids, cooking, laundry, diapers, lunch boxes...everything! This situation is a living hell, not to mention that
I am always in pain, or high from Oxycodone. I hate meds..I hate
While I have going through a rollercoaster of emotions: guilt, fear, crying, scared I am going to remain invalid, not able to take
care of kids, losing my job, I just decided to use my anger, my energy towards more productive thinking: what am I going to learn from this? what is the opportunity for me to grow? i tend to believe that everything happens for a reason, so why this? why me?
well, for once, while it is putting a strain on my marriage, it is also giving me a new outlook and will make my marriage stronger. DH is exhausted, irritable, stressed out, and well, living MY life. I stopped feeling guilty: I am not asking HIM to do anything more than I would do if the situation were reversed. I stopped getting upset when he shows anger and frustration: I have a tendency to take things personally. Well, this is not about me: this is about HIM having to deal with the situation, and I need to give him the opportunity to vent his frustation, my cry baby reaction is not helpful. let him vent, throw a pillow. It's ok. He is growing as well. I can fix my attitude. not his. Control what you can. He will be fine.
Sitting doing nothing? well I decided to try meditation, deep breathing, relaxation techniques. how many times in my life, especially in the past 4 years having 2 kids in 15 months, have I been able to just SIT and do NOTHING? Never until now. So breathe in, breathe out,repeat your mantra: it's gonna be ok it's gonna be ok it's gonna be ok.
I am also putting things in prospective...you know, been so stressed out at work. Recently promoted to a director position, lots going on, people to manage, campaigns to run, fires to fight, well...I was led to believe it was oh so important. IF that email blast don't fire today, it's the end of the world...well, guess what, the world has been still for 2 weeks and hasnot ended yet.