One week in ...
Ok, so I just finished my first week at my so perfect part time job. I'm paranoid as he11. Every project I do - did I bill too much? Will he like it? Will he like me? He's going to fire me, I know he is .... Ahhhhhhhhh. Then I ramble to our paralegal, she probably thinks I'm completely crazy.
My biggest weakness - I turn into a paranoid, anxious nutcase sometimes. Needless to say, when I get like that I'm not any fun to be around. Something about me sees myself in this perfect job and thinks, I do not deserve this. He will figure that out eventually and then what the heck am I going to do? So I go batty, as an unconcious way of trying to get fired, since I don't deserve this.
I'm generally attracted to jobs no one else wants, so I feel like they're lucky to have me and then I am ok. So what do I do now? How can I prevent this nut from coming out whenever I feel like I'm in something I really want?
Great, so I'm subconciously trying to sabatoge myself. I honestly think that if I don't calm down, I will get myself fired.
Any advice? Please don't suggest therapy.