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Future Planning...Thinking about baby 2

Friday night we went to see some friends who just had their first baby. We were chatting and the inevitable conversation came up of how many kids we wanted and what the spacing would be. I'm sure lots of families struggle with this question, but I always feel like I'm the only one hemming and hawing through my answer. My friends seem so decisive when it comes to talking about more kids, but I just don't know. One thing I'm pretty sure that I know is that I want at least one more kid...although sometimes I fantisize about lavishing all my love on babyjama alone.

On the other hand, I'm not sure when I want to have this "other" kid. Before we were married, my husband and I planned on having 2-3 kids 2 years apart. Well, the time has come to start trying if we want to actually do that, and we have no plans for that...I mean NO PLANS. I'm just not ready to have another baby yet. Not ready for those first exhausted months of pregnancy, followed by the very hormonal months of pregnancy, followed by the very uncomfortable months of pregnancy, followed by a screaming baby. I know I'm thinking of the worst parts of motherhood, but I really don't know how I would be able to have two tiny kids at home and work and keep our household going.

Anyway, so the immediate plan is to wait another year. I'm not sure I'll be ready then, but as I said I'm pretty sure that we want this second baby, and I want to get the baby/toddler years over with...man this post is starting to sound negative. What I mean is that I really enjoy my time at home with babyjama right now, and I want to be home for the early years of the next one too. However, I'd like some of those years to overlap so that I'm not missing out on the work-force so much.

So yes, I guess I'm trying to plan kids around my sanity and working, and taking those both into consideration, I think we're looking at a 3 year age gap between kids.

Now onto the next part of the dilemma. My husband is a teacher and we had babyjama in early June. It was absolutely perfect. He was able to spend all summer helping out around the house, and bonding with babyjama. It couldn't have been more perfect! So now, we want to have another early summer baby...The only problem is that I was asked to be in an out of town wedding in May of 2010...And if my calculations are correct that would put me at around 8 months pregnant. It just goes to show that you can't try and plan everything out I guess. Maybe we'll try for an early July 2010 baby?

4 comments so far...

Hi mamajama, I hope you don't mind my input into your situation. So here is the deal, I am a married,working mom of 4 kids - and a Relationship Expert ( in other words I walk the walk, I don't just talk the talk - if you know what I mean). In a nutshell, when in doubt - do nothing. I could go on and on and on forever about this but let me suffice it to say - you knew the time was right to have your first child, beyond the shadow of a doubt, the same will be true for the next one. Do NOT allow peer pressure to influence an imp't life decision like this one.
Hope you find this information supportive and helpful
Dr. Patty Ann Tublin
www.drpattyann.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Dr. Patty Ann Tublin on 26th February 2012
jajajaj!!! mamajama; i have just been reading about you and abut your dilemmas and let me tell you : It si sooo comforting to meet someone who worries so much about this issues as me !!!!! I have been p so many night lately trying to figure out the spacing between kids, (which I ABSOLUTELY AGREE WITH YOU IS FUNDAMENTAL TO ENJOY THEM ) I also thought I wanted them 2 years apart, and I feel EXACTLY LIKE YOU DO I´M NOT READY!!!! to make matters worrse, I have just been offered what seems to be a great job (kindergarten principal) and my daughter gets to come with me, of course!!! but I worry so much about the next one!!!! OMG!!!! .. to tell you the truth, I have also just decided to wait another year, let´s not forget about having just reached your ideal ideal ideal weight!!! going rigt back ai it????
I totally hear you...
now, is it a very close friend wedding? do you have to fly to go there?
Paola

Flag as inappropriate Posted by teacher paola on 25th June 2011
My only comment is, if you truly want another kid, all else will be placed in the background. You will never truly be ready unless it happens and you work on being ready. I always wanted 2 kids, we finally got our two and they are excatly 2 1/2 years apart. Good age range for them. I have fertility issues, so when it happens it happens. But I am glad for them being this far apart. I tworks well. But if I ever waited until I thought the time was right, it would have never happened at all. Good luck and just roll with it.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Jamey on 24th January 2009
Funny ... we are in the same dilemma. We keep pushing back our "Next Baby Date." First, it was summer 09 ... then fall 09 ... then ..... A large part of our thinking is that we don't want a pregnancy to influence a future work assignment (uuggh ... work politics) and then we'll be on a family trip to Sweden and then we'll be in the middle of a move and then I'll be starting a new job and then I'll have to study for a licensing exam. But, we don't want to wait too long so that that my son and his sibling are too far apart. My "gut" tells me that life will keep happening and at some point you gotta just go for it. So, we're not actvely trying but also not actively preventing pregnancy. I guess it what works for you.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by KC on 11th November 2008

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