Drowning in a Tidal Wave of Memory.
This whole Ex thing is really throwing me for a loop. I don't know why, exactly. I haven't thought of him in years, and I certainly don't regret not marrying him.
I mean, I have regrets, but I always felt it was the right decision. Of course, I also felt ok with it since I knew that after he crawled out of the bottle our breakup sent him into, he moved on and got married. I also knew that everyone said that it was a classic rebound, but glossed over that in favour of "he's moved on. He's happy." I don't have that shield anymore.
I messaged him, and we've talked a bit. It's strange to be so formal and awkward with someone with whom you used to be so close. And all the regret, all the sorrow and confusion I've held at bay for the last decade--that I really didn't even know I had-- is rushing in and threatening to pull me under.
I don't know what to do with all these feelings, or what I want out of this experience. I suspect it's absolution, and I'm not sure I have a right to ask for that.