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Today started like any other: I get up first!  Get my kids & husband to schools then I head to my job, that I hate (I don't utilize the skills I have and feel frustrated and cranky all the time).  I'm looking for a new job but with this economy I know not to hold my breathe.  I attend school on-line full time, head my child's Cub Scout Den once a week, take my eldest son to basketball and now I'm trying to get him into private school (without financial aid there's not a chance!).  This economy isn't making it any easier on us (between gas and inflation, I'm worried about our financial future too). Oh, did I mention that my dad died in early December.  It was expected but still....I even only manage about 10 minutes of my daily yoga (if that). 

I'm turning 40 this year.  Now, I've read all those articles about it being "just a number" and that the new "40" is actually "20" but I don't want to be or feel 20. I know that I don't look it and I still get compliements and looks but I want to feel like I'm in control of my life-not the other way around!  My heros were "That Girl" Marlo Thomas, Katherine Hepburn, Barbara Stanwyck - hell even John Wayne.  We were supposed to know what we want, go after it and never stop. 

Well, tonight I learned how to stop! 

My son asked me to help him with his homework.  Since I work late, it's usually my husband's job but as my son informed me "Dad gets cranky when he helps me")  It seems my 3rd grade teacher husband can do many things except deal with his son's teacher (who he thinks is a copy queen) and doesn't agree with her homework or classroom teaching style.  It seems my son misses our homework time and wanted to wait for me to help him.  

Yes, it was one more thing to add to my list but knowing that I was wanted and preferred, knowing that someone viewed our time together as special made me realize I was running around without looking.  I stopped and really looked at my son tonight.  He's geting taller and his grown up teeth are almost all in.  His pants are too short and he needs a hair cut but he's beautiful - and I (husband too) did that.  WE created this special wonderful person that motivates this crazyness I call my life.  So maybe it is all worth it after all.