Group Discussions

Deciding to Have Another

  • My husband and I are currently in the throes of the decision to have another child. He's against it, and for very practical (yet surmountable) reasons, while I'm gung-ho for it (also for practical reasons, I think). We are all very healthy, we have good jobs, our son is 2 and doing great, and we'll be able to afford the extra daycare easily by this time next year (we're close now and expecting well-deserved raises shortly!).

    For those of you who have ventured into the land beyond the only child, what helped you make the decision? Did you and your spouse have very different opinions? How did you get past that?
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by heels on 28th December 2007
  • We just had our first child - so it's a bit early to start thinking about another kid now, but i can envision a few discussions before we consider having another child. There are so many components that go into this important decision. One is age and also how easy your first child is... We don't know yet about our son, if he is going to be difficult then it will be a really challenging decision for us.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Victoria on 2nd January 2008
  • My husband and I are expecting our second child in April. We were planning on waiting until our son was 2 to try to conceive the second one (for the reasons you described) but things just didn't work out that way and our second child is due TWO WEEKS (slightly freaking out here) before our son's 2nd birthday. It has been difficult to chase around a toddler and to deal with morning sickness in the beginning and my expanding waistline now but I have a feeling that it will all be worth it. I have been so busy with my son that I often forget that I am pregnant...I'm not sure that would change if we had waited any longer though. I think the second pregnancy is just going to be so different because you already have this other little person who has changed your world.

    My husband definitely wanted to wait longer to have another for various reasons...honestly I did too but since this baby is on the way we only expect that she will enrich our lives just as much as our son did!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Melissa on 22nd January 2008
  • I don't think there's a right or a wrong time, age-wise, to have the 2nd baby. I think kids adapt and grow together no matter how far apart or close in age they are.

    On deciding to go for it, we had to just fall back to before we had ONE and remember that even before we were married, we wanted two kids. So we figured it was as good a time as any!

    The hardest part for me has been convincing my husband that we will survive the newborn stage. He had such a hard time with our son when we were all sleep-deprived and I think that really made him hesitate on wanting a second. But it's all worth it - we did it once, we can do it again! Good luck to you!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by el-e-e on 24th January 2008
  • When I got pregnant w/ #1 we were talking about having 6. Then I got pregnant w/ #2 and the pregnancy was not nearly as good as the first so I said I would give birth to 4 then we'd have to adopt. Then we brought #2 home and we both looked at each other on the same day, at the same time and said ALL DONE!

    In discussing how many we would have we agreed that we wanted them all really close in age. My OB told me to wait until 6 months after birth to try again and I was fine with that. I shot for 9 months and got pregnant right away so my girls are a planned 18 months apart and I love it. A close friend didn't plan hers that way and it still seems to be working out for her b/c they adjusted to the idea quickly and well.

    It was certainly challenging to be pregnant and have a really young child running around but, at the same time, it was fun. You all know from experience that you'll never really be ready, no matter how much you plan, so it's just a matter of resigning yourself to the fact that you will or will not venture into the realm of a new child again and when you will or won't do so!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Mandy Nelson - Dandysound on 24th January 2008
  • Lee- my husband has big worries about that newborn stage, too, even though our son was a DREAM compared to so many babies I know. I guess he still feels a little burned by the sleep deprivation (and sex deprivation! HA!).
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by heels on 24th January 2008

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