I'd like to add something to what you wrote.
You're right when you talk about insecurity, particularly concerning those who look down on you because you're not doing what they're doing. I used to feel that way years ago, thinking "Oh, my God, what have I done wrong." But ya know, the older you get, the more you realize that some things simply aren't as important as you/they think and you have to realize what really is.
I'm almost 53 now. Had my only child at 35 and I've never regreted it (well, almost never. There are days when she gets on my ever loving last nerve...). However, ladies, turning 50 was almost an epithany for me. You begin to really realize how trivial some of this stuff really is and how trivial some people (i.e. the "perfect" moms) really are. Not only that, but how much, in reality, THEY are jealous of you because you (and they) realized you no longer give a flyin' rat's behind about what they think.
I'm not going to lie and say that I wouldn't LOVE to be able to quit work. I took 3 1/2 years off after my parents died, just to be able to recuperate from the stress that their illnesses and deaths dealt me and my family. Initially, I figured only to be out about 6 months, but I realized that that wasn't long enough. I was fortunate enough to be able to do this (they left me some money), but when I did go back to work, I realized how much I missed the adult stimulation and interaction, not only for my soul, BUT in order to keep my mind from going to mush.
Yeah, home, family, work is all stressful. Soon, my daughter will be going away to college and then hubby and I will be alone again (well, sort of...she's going to college in town). I think the hardest balance comes from trying very hard NOT to lose yourself and your own identity. It's remembering to remember YOU and that YOU are just as important as anyone or anything else.
As the old saying goes....if Mom ain't happy....ain't nobody happy!