Group Discussions

How do you manage your husband's "bad timing?"

  • OK...I love my husband with all my heart and to this day he still gives me butterflies.... but it seems that he picks the absolute WORST TIMES to affectionate.

    EXAMPLE #1: I had just come home from babysitting for a friend. I brought my little guy alongand my friend had 4 children... so after a night of taking care of 5 children (pillow fights, hide and seek, mac and cheese for dinner, the whole nine yards), i get home, put my little guy to bed (it's 10 o'clock at night by now) and then i actually fall asleep on the couch. I am soon awakend by a hungry husband who can't understand why i tell him no i'm too tired. Then of course his feelings are hurt and i feel like the bad guy.

    EXAMPLE #2: My 6yo has a friend over. They are occupied in another room with an enthralling hot wheels race. My husband decides now would be a good time for us to slip into the other room........and again i feel like the horrible prude for telling him "no honey, now's not the best time."

    Does anyone else have this problem and how do you and your husband cope?
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by babs on 24th February 2008
  • Both my husband and I tend to have bad timing when it comes to this. I SOOO feel your pain! What I have found is that if I wait for it to be the "right" time or if he waits for that, then we go waaaay to long with very little physical intimacy. So I just try and be as accomodating as possible, and he does the same for me. I never wake up the next day and say "gee I wish I hadn't..." but sometimes the opposite is true.

    I do also want to say though that there are some times when it's just not going to work out, and I guess he just has to understand that you aren't rejecting him in those moments. Man it sure is a touchy subject isn't it?...hmmm. I wish I could be more helpful. Good Luck!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by mamajama on 25th February 2008
  • Hi babs-

    Totally with you here too! I think this is one of those aspects of marriage/lifelong partnership that's rarely talked about, but very much a part of the dialogue. My husband is just much more able to get randy than I am in the "less than perfect" scenarios. And let's face it- with two little boys and both of us working full time, most days are different than what it usually takes to relax me and let me get in the mood.

    We've talked about this a LOT together, my husband and I. I'm thankful that he is both persistent and understanding, and proud of myself for striking a balance between listening to myself and "giving it a chance" sometimes too. We've established that I need things he doesn't in order to relax (like I can focus much better when the dishes have been done- yes, I'm neurotic, but I come to accept this about myself, ha), and we've also established that I usually have a better time than I think I'm going to. As with most things in a relationship, for us it's the talking about it that's key.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Traci on 25th February 2008
  • i think we all have this to a certain extent! my hubby tries to guess when a good time might be - but it's just hard to get 'in the mood' when it's the last thing on your mind... i keep telling him a little flirtation here and there would help LOL

    mamajama - you are so right though - i have never 'given in' and regretted it ;) infact, i usually end up saying - why are we not doing this EVERY night? LOL
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kate on 25th February 2008
  • Kate: i had to smile when I read "...alittle flirtation here and there would help" b/c this has been a conversation b/t my husband and me. Funny how this can change your outlook and mood. My sweet hubby (ignore th tirade of my last note) tries so hard. Although his last comment "sexy lactating mama" didn't quite hit the mark

    mamajama: definitely agree about giving in and not regretting it
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by KC on 25th February 2008
  • I only have a sec but just have to comment that the sexy lactating mama comment is priceless...hahahahaha
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by mamajama on 25th February 2008
  • KC - so funny! it is very much like something my hubby would say too! they try to hard but just dont get it! it is a never ending conversation in our house too... the only thing that kinda works for us - rent a chick flick and watch it together and much on popcorn after the little one is asleep! it's better than goofy comments!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kate on 25th February 2008
  •'s soooooo good to know i'm not the only one. But yes i do try and be as accomadating as possible and Traci i also concentrate better when the dishes are done (neurotic in training) and I also agree that a little flirtation wouldn't hurt either. It does seem more fun when it's spontaneous, but some situations you just have to lok at him and say "Come on! are you serious right now?!" thanks for letting me vent!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by babs on 25th February 2008
  • There is a song by Uncle Bonsai (a pretty obscure group) Have a song called Boys want Sex in the morning. The first few lines:

    Boys want sex in the morning

    Sex when I'm yawning

    When I'm half asleep.

    the site to see the lyrics:
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 27th February 2008
  • My husband and I , after 14 years have had a sensual re-birth. He went on a trip for almost 6 weeks and after about 2 weeks, we found ourselves talking a little dirty to each other on the phone, after 43 our emails became playful and then steamy and his first night home was incredible. There is nothing more senuous than making love to someone you love with all your heart.

    As with most marraiges we've had good times and bad, but we are committed and love each other. Our intimate life had all but disappeared between years 7-11, then it slowly returned and in the past 2 years I'd say it was quite healthy, but something about being apart has opened us up - to discussion and a new form of intimacy.

    I can't say that we will be having date night per se, but we are making some adult time to enjoy and pleasure each other, offering the 8 year old full control of the remote for a while , early Sunday morning while mom & dad have some quiet time. (my son is very respectful of a closed bedroom door - never taught it per se, but the walk-in fear isn't very prevelant in our house) ,

    We've found that although we enjoy physical intimacy, what we craved while apart was simply touching one another and talking to each other. TYhrough our playful chatter we both made some provocative suggestions - and it opened up the discussion to what we each wanted and enjoyed. We' ve also agreed to be open to the mood - be it for some suggestive flirtation or full intimacy - let yourself go to enjoy each other.

    We're doing some reading on tantric sex and be it our age, our time apart or simply the point in our relationship - we have never been more physcially, emotionally or intellectually connected than we are now - an it all started with some playful phone chatter and provocative emails!

    So take a chance, let the dishes sit for an hour, steal that playful grope where you can and welcome being awoken at 3am by the touch of the man you love .. . . you might be surprised how much energy you have, if you just let yourself enjoy it!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Pammy on 10th June 2008

Add a Reply