Group Discussions

Venting on mom's who stay at home- that have a college education..

  • I have been raised to believe that in order to be successful in today's age as a woman, I need contribute to my family financial. I know of two friends who I went to college with who now are having babies and are determined to be stay at home moms... I find myself questioning them- why did you waste money on education if you were not planning on using it? I struggle in relating to them, because I feel that it isn't the 1950's anymore and by staying at home- they are limiting themselves to being fully dependent on a man. I don't like it one bit. But on the other hand I find myself wanting to stay home to. I am so confused. Anyone else experience these mixed feelings?
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Career Mom 1 on 5th April 2009
  • I am sort of in the same situation only a little different. I too was raised that if I wanted to be able to support myself without that of a husband in my life, I needed a college education. Even if I were to marry (which I am) I would be able to support our family financially if he were to lose his job. Except in my case it is hard to get a job in the field of my degree. I currently work in a different field not making the money I could be with my degree. But since we have had our child back in August of 2007 I have wanted to spend as much time with my daughter as possible. I was totally against the whole daycare idea. However, here recently I have seen how she has interacted with other children and have realized that it could really be a good thing for her. So I have decided to work more days with my current job as to working only 2 days a week. I'm nervous about it all but I know it will all work out. As far as my outlook on actually using my degree, I have learned to let that struggle go and just be happy with who I am and what I do. My family has been completely supportive the whole time which helps. I have other friends who have degrees as well and who are stay at home mom's. They enjoy it because it makes them happy. I have learned from all of this that I will not push my child into persuing college only if she wants to. She has to have that desire herself. As for me, I'm just taking one day at a time now and doing what makes me happy and forgetting about what others think of me or what I do. My family is important to me and I'm doing what is best for them. It's amazing how children can totally change your life though!
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by LillysMom on 6th April 2009
  • In my family there has never been a man to stay around long enough to take care of us, all we know is taking care of things our selves. The Women in our family typically hold the high paying jobs, and the men stay home and clean and take care of the kids. I find myself disagreeing with the way many people live today, but I remind myself its their choice. Yes it seems kind of silly to get a college education and be a stay at home mom, but at the same time, they can't be stay at home moms forever. And although its nice to be a stay at home mom, it is still good to set an example for their daughters that college is important. Also I remember growing up getting aggrivated with my mom, becuase she didn't have time to have an interest in my interests. I remember her trying to conform me to her interests to make it more convinient to her. My Aunt has 5 kids, all of them with different interest in different things, but she will only allow them to do one thing at a time. Which of coarse doesn't work. Being a stay at home mom makes it easier to spend time with your kids, and know your kids. And to let their individuality flow......I tried staying at home, I couldn't do it, I need the interaction.........I decided to become a teacher the degree I am working on now....This way my children and I have the same schedual, and I can maximize my time with them. I love kids, but I miss mine..... in todays economy people have to work to much in order to survive, while their family falls apart. This morning when I was leaving for work, my 3 yr old cried and said he didn't want me to go. I was so tempted to stay home, but then I would loose money. We now have to choose to let our family survive, or be happy. Its incredibly hard to find a happy medium between the two. Anybody have any suggestions.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by D'SMommy1329 on 9th April 2009
  • I was raised to believe that an education is NEVER a waste of money. For me personally, it has paid for itself many times over; but even if it hadn't, a college education is more than your ticket to working every day for the rest of your life. And to the point made in another post, the choice to stay at home won't (and can't) last forever. You can always go back to work later. We have many SAHMs in our neighborhood who were teachers before they had kids, then decided to stay at home. I don't judge them and I expect not to be judged for continuing to work. We as moms spend too much time questioning ourselves and each other over these decisions.

    As a parting thought, the grass always seems greener on the other side, but keep in mind that staying at home doesn't mean you sit around in your PJs and play Candyland all day long. Most SAHMs don't get as much help around the house from their husbands b/c they are home all day and the house is their job.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by BrendaG on 10th April 2009
  • I feel pretty strongly about my financial contriubutions to my family, too, but my husband I also both felt strongly that I should stay home with our kids. It's a once in a lifetime can wait, and kids grow up so fast! I think it's also important to remember that staying home is a season that will not last forever. I stayed home until my oldest was 2 1/2 and I was pregnant with my 2nd, then I took a part time job that allowed me to be back home by 10 am. After 1 1/2 years of working I went back to being a SAHM again. Now I'm working 3 days a week. Life changes and we don't need to let ourselves get cauht up in thinking that this phase will last forever. As far as education being a waste...I was an English major and I have used my knowledge and love of books a lot already and will draw on it a lot more as my boys get older, not to mention the many times I draw on it for volunteer work and other areas.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Amanda1023 on 10th April 2009
  • Ladies, in my day, a woman who went to college and then did nothing with her degree but get married and stay home was referred to as having gone to college solely to get her MRS degree. Where I'm from (very rural area of Va.), if you and your family spent the $ for you go to college, you'd bloody well put it to good use. As for careers can wait, I disagree. It depends on what your degree was in, of course, but in this day and time, the world and technology changes faster than you know. If you don't bother to keep up with advancements in your field, by the time you decide to get out into the working world, you're going to be at a very BIG disadvantage. This is part/partial why women are paid less than men We gravitate toward lower paying fields, we also are absent from the work arena often during a person's most productive years. Add the 2 together and let's face it, the world isn't going to stop for you to decide to get back into the thick of things.

    My husband is finding out just this very thing. When he was let go last year, he suddenly found himself in the world of reality in which he had buried his head in the sand for the last 29 years. He had was is commonly referred to as "company man mentality." IOW, if I do my job and take all the crap they dish out, the company will take care of me and I can retire in 30 years.


    What he very rudely found out was that corporate mentality changed 20 years ago and he (and a lot of others our age) kept the blinders on. Now he's out having to pound the pavement and compete against those 20-30 years younger, with more tech savy, MBAs, and more career development than he was willing to admit he needed. Tho his company offered tutition remission for management classes, he always had an excuse NOT to take them up on it. Even when I was practically begging him to start on his MBA, his attitude was that he didn't need it.


    He's found out, in a VERY painful way, how NOT keeping up with what's going on in the world and keeping up your skills and education, can hurt you BIG TIME. Going along blindly can have devastating effects.

    We are very lucky to have the CHOICE to make and not have it made for us. But IMHO, if you're going to put the time and expense of going to college, you need to put it to good use and not waste it. Otherwise, why did you even bother in the first place?
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by JKLD on 25th April 2009
  • I've thought the same thing before, but I have to agree with the moms who've said that staying at home is a once in a lifetime gig. Being at home can be so rewarding, and moms shouldn't feel like they are reversing feminism over it. It's not about a social movement, it's about what works for you and your children.

    And even if one never uses their degree, many of skills are learned at college that are applicable to more than the work world. You learn how to deal with different people, which one will always use. The advantage of living in 2009 is that women don't have to make a black and white choice between being a SAHM or a working mom. With today's technology, there are many opportunities for women to stay at home and make an impact of the world- ie blogging, consulting, entrepreneurship, webdesign, just to name a few. Education, in some form or another, is necessary for all of those things.
    Flag as inappropriate Posted by C. Conley on 28th April 2009

Add a Reply