With a second pregnancy, I'm not only preparing for a new baby but I'm also preparing for the changes in Archer. I'm literally mourning my first baby, seeing that he's now become this kid, this brother... It's bittersweet, really. I'm also married to my husband this pregnancy (Hal and I were only dating a few months when we found out I was pregnant with Archer) and this time I have both friends with children and a community of bloggers I've befriended who have kids, so I'm not all alone this time around.
I also have a 3-year-old in front of me. It's amazing to feel this baby girl grow inside me as I mother Archer. And I look at him and think "Holy shit. There's going to be another one of you I'm going to love just as much."
It's hard to believe it's even possible.
7.) Tell us what you wish someone had told you about pregnancy the first time around.
I wish I would have known how messy it was going to be after the fact. People are so freaked about labor and delivery and that's the exciting part because no matter how bad it hurts, you're about to meet your baby... It's like Christmas times infinity.
But then the child arrives and you're exhausted and bleeding like a mofo and uncomfortable and you have to wear those diaper-sized maxi-pads for a month and, yeah, I didn't know about all that stuff. I thought the labor was the only uncomfortable part.
I also had no idea how taxing on a relationship/marriage having a baby would be. I hear all the time about how couples have babies to "hold the relationship together" and I think, "how in the world?" Hal and I had to really work to keep ourselves from killing one another for the first two years of Archer's life.
8.) What do you think is the biggest misconception about motherhood?
That the second you become a mother, you stop being yourself. One CAN and should be able to "do it all"... It just takes a strong work-ethic and passion. A great mother is someone who is fulfilled in her life, whether that means fufilling her goal to be a stay at home mother or finishing school or training to be an acrobat. For some women, myself included the word "mother" does not define them. And I think a lot of women are afraid that "mother" is the opposite of "ambitious career woman"... It just isn't the case.
Sacrifice is not what motherhood is about. Compromise, yes, but not sacrifice. We are all women, first. Women with dreams and wants and things we are passionate about both in and outside the home. And we should be nourishing those wants and passions (especially as mothers!) for what better way to set an example for our children?
I want my kids to know that they are my first priority but not my only priority -- that in order to be a loving mother/woman/person I have to nourish my creativity and follow my dreams. I have to make myself happy. I want to be a better writer and in order to be one, I must keep writing. I want to send that message to my kids. I want them to grow up knowing that their mother believes in herself so that they know to grow up with dreams of their own and have the tools to believe in themselves, too.