Mrs.Dr.Mom (whew!)

From Stafford, Virginia, United States

Joined 21st June 2008

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  • my daughter is 9 years old and last year I found out that my ex had sexually assualted her. this was a man that i've known for a total of 11 years. i met him before my daughter was born and we were really good friends before we started dating. after

    Answered on 2nd July 2008:

    I"m sorry to hear of your experience. But I"m also very encouraged to hear of the wonderful ways you are supporting your daughter. Like many other have already said, it may be process for her. I'm thrilled to hear that she opened up and told you what was happening as many victims hold their tongues for a lifetime. It is my believe that she is hearing you...even though she may not be responding in way that is reassuring to you. It sounds like you have created a safe environment for her to express herself..when the time is right. And counseling was definitely a great move. Remember, that you can be a part of the counseling process. There are privacy laws that can sometimes makes situations like this tricky..when you as a concerned mother just want to know what your daughter is feeling. Perhaps you can talk with your daughter and her therapist about family sessions once in a while. Or perhaps check in with the therapist once in a while to discuss some of your feelings about what happened and what it's like to watch your daughter go through the healing process. Final's absolutely a process and everyone handles things differently. You guys are certainly equipped with all the right things to help you through this. I'm positive you both will come around just fine. And again..I"m so grateful to hear of your support towards your little one:-) It shows your strength!!!

    7 replies

  • Do you give allowance to your kids? Do they have to work for it? How much do you give?

    Answered on 2nd July 2008:

    I'm actually an expecting mother...but I work with children and families around issues such as this. I have always found that allowance can be a positive thing when used correctly. For instance, just giving your kids money weekly can lead them to expect something for nothing. I've seen some kids become totally spoiled this the point where they kept track of how much their parent owed them..and they were only 6 and 8 years old!!! Allowance is usually successful when it's tied to some sort of responsibility. I know some question whether you should encourage work or good behavior in exchange for money..when these are things that should be internally motivated. If this is a concern, consider assigning a special task that is separate from daily responsibilities like keeping your room clean or treating others with respect. It also depends on the age of the child. I think for younger kids, something between $2 and $5 dollars is fine. There are many places where a few dollars can be spent that the child will view as rewarding and learn the value of money. I'm usually shocked to hear when kids under the age of 8 are getting more than $5 weekly. Im sure it depends on the person though. You also have to set the limit according to what you can afford. Don't promise $10 a week if it's not in your budget to give. I've seen this happen also, and the kids often become disappointed and unmotivated. I'd be curious to hear more options on this. Good question. Although, I'm not sure there's an exact formula for doing it the right way. Good luck and have fun with it!

    4 replies

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2 comments so far...

  • Hi Mrs. Dr. Mom!
    Thanks for your note! I think these are all great questions and the answer varies for different children. My child was pretty easy - he only cared about getting food - not how it came to him :)
    I used Dr. Brown bottles, but again - it didn't really matter with him. You should join - you'll get great response to your questions! Congrats on your pregnancy!!!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Victoria on 25th June 2008

  • Hey Mrs.Dr.Mom! It's great to meet you. I loved reading your profile. Congratulations on your little baby (you said he, so I'm assuming boy). Anyway, if you ever have comments or questions about Work it, Mom! I'm here to help. Here's our expecting mom's group.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by mamajama on 24th June 2008