Answered on 30th August 2007:

Does a baby poop in the bath tub? Of course I've struggled, with four pregnancies and three kids. Unfortunately, it no longer feels like a struggle in the temporary sense; it feels like who I am now. After spending a dozen years on top of my field while supporting the family (and a stay-at-home-dad for four years, just before the divorce), I was suddenly separated from my job/second family, and have not found satisfying work in 2.5 years since. First dream job ended after nine months when the company collapsed, the second one when the startup decided it was too soon to have employees after all, and the third after a five-day standoff between the founders: one wanted the position filled and the other didn't. After all that time, to be offered close to $100K, with benefits and stock options up the wazoo, and to have all that hope at last... and then to be let go on the fifth day just shattered me. I'm totally dependent on my meds, and am looking into having them adjusted again to combat anxiety, lack of concentration, and just not being good company in general. I desperately need a partner to help raise my family and run the household because I can't do it by myself anymore, but they unfortunately aren't listed in the Pottery Barn catalog. I'm trying to do things that take me out of the house, but mostly I want to stay in bed until the day is over or until it's time to pick up my kids and I can be sparkly again. My one consolation is that they tell me all day, every day, how much they love me and that they "could never have a better mom." I'm incredibly blessed, but I can't get my cortisol levels down or my brain to recognize the good stuff...

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