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Hi everyone, I’m a working mom with a 3 month old and I just started back to work full-time. My son is a fantastic little boy and I have such a great time with him. Since I’ve been back at work, I don’t have much time with him. I literally pick him up from the Nanny’s house, commute 45 minutes to an hour back to our house (he sleeps most of the car ride), get home, give him a bath, feed him, and then he falls asleep for the night. I feel like our play-time is gone and he’s not going to understand that I’m still Mommy (not just somoene that gets him ready for bed). He spends most of his time with the Nanny, and I am afraid that he’s going to be more attached to her since she spends the entire day with him. Someone please tell me if I’m overreacting, or if others have felt this fear too?”

Asked by NewWorkingMomATL on 6th January 2010 | 14 replies

14 replies so far...

Unfortunately, that's what may happen for now. But as he gets older and is able to stay awake for longer periods of time, then you will be able to increase the amount of bonding time you have.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by momonline on 17th February 2010
I truly wish I would have known about this blog when my daughter was an infant. I have worked more than full time since my daughter was six weeks old. I used to cry when I dropped her off with her care provider. It pained me also to see her so attached to both my mother-in-law who pitched in by spending at least two days per week with her until she began school full time. Now that my daughter is 7, I am convinced that she has benefitted from her exposure to these great ladies. She has learned more things then I would have ever thought to teach her. She is academically advanced and socially confident. Our jobs as mothers is to protect and guide our children and raise them so they can make approriate decisions for themselves. Your son will learn from his experiences and discuss them with you when he gets a little older. I will not tell you how to feel, but I will tell you to remember that you will feel better if you keep your focus on how your son feels. He is learning and has a mother who adores him and wants to be with him. That is good, isn't it? I also agree with Mommy2kiera. It is not the quanity of the time, but the quality. It is amazing what bathtimes, nightly snuggle reading and conversation can do.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by paula on 24th January 2010
We've all been there, especially when they are old enough to ASK for the daycare person...

However, if you set up a routine spent with love and affection, the child(ren) will know that you love them and are doing the best you can to provide for them and take care of them. A bath time spent with giggles and sharing a bedtime story are great ways to bond with your child, and establish good quality time together. They may spend a lot of time with other care providers, but you will teach them a lot in those few precious hours!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by mommy2kiera on 22nd January 2010
I'm pretty sure every working mom goes through this during her first few weeks (months) of being back to work after having a baby. It's tough but it really gets better. Just think of it this way -- you will be 100% responsible for that baby for 18 years. Plenty of time for him to know you are HIS mama, and he is yours. Good luck! You can do it.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Susan Wenner Jackson on 21st January 2010
Your baby will always know who mom is. It was really hard for me to return to work after my son was born...and it's still hard to not be with him and to realize that he spends more time at daycare than he does with me. I have to say, though, that he's now 2 1/2 and is very much attached to his mommy and is very affectionate! I think as moms we worry about so much regarding our children, but they truly are resilient and I think we worry too much. I do believe it's about the quality of time - so make the most of the time you have with him...wait to do the dishes and other housework until he's in bed. Makes for a later night, but you get the time with him that you're looking for.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Karen on 21st January 2010
I just wanted to add one more thing. I went back to work when my son was 2 months old but he is now 2 years old and is very attached me. So much so that he thinks that I can control everything - making blimps that he saw in the sky come back, making a song replay on the radio, etc. We laugh because he really thinks that I hung the moon and can do and fix anything. Yours will too because no one can replace a mom whether you work or not. :)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by oceans mom on 8th January 2010
I agree that the baby senses who is Mom - the ultimate "where the buck stops" lady. He senses that he's in your mind and heart always, and he also senses that you are the only person who does it all out of love/instinct versus other motivations.

I don't even think this depends on being extra fun/attentive when you are with him. Though, of course, you want to make the most of every chance you get to enjoy and bless him.

I also agree that it's quite natural to feel this worry. But soon you will feel differently.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by SKL on 8th January 2010
I had to go back to work when my daughter was only 6 weeks old. I too hated that she was asleep when I dropped her off and/or when I picked her up. Once summer came, I decided that part of our routine was to play in the park after I picked her up from the sitter, even if it meant bedtime was a little later. And this was a fun special time we were able to spend together most every day. It really didn't matter much to the daycare if she was a little sleepy in the AM, babies sleep!
I also advocate reading as part of the bedtime routine. Sitting on your lap and hearing your voice is something all babies love.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Mich on 8th January 2010
I would like to add to the previous comments, and tell you that after my son was born, not only I had to go back to work after 3 months, but also to school-- in the evenings few times a week.
I had horrible guilt feelings about it..... and being away from my baby. As others commented here before me-- my little baby, now 32 months, is very very attached to me.
I think that as long as your baby is surrounded with love, from other caregivers-- nanny, spouse, grandparents-- he will be a happy, trusting and confident baby. He will treasure the quality time with mommy and as he grows-- will be able to show his love and appreciation.

Have fun, and don't stress out too much..... many of us grew up this way, and turned up to be loving and normal adults :)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by meemee on 7th January 2010
Thank you to all of you that replied. This helps so much! I'm feeling a little better about the whole situation. Thanks.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by NewWorkingMomATL on 7th January 2010
I went threw the exact same thing, I know its sad and that it hurts as a mommy to not be with your baby and WORK SO MUCH. My son is now 17 months and we are complete soulmates, even though he spends most time in daycare Monday-Friday.
I know now and I feel strongly that my son understands that I have to work FOR HIM and that I do it because I love him and want to take good care of him.
I make the most of bath time and bed time ritual every night , I make it as special and fun as possible, and on the weekend I'm completely all his - I dont let anything or anyone get in the way of my mommy & baby time on Sat and Sunday - sometime family and friends get upset...but who cares ? =)
Since I can't do 100% quantity - I do 100% quality, I'm limited of course but I put all my effort into being the best mommy I can be. I treat my baby time like the most important thing in the world, because it really is. Hope this helps and trust me your son will understand and know in his heart that you love him more than anyone.

Also as your baby get older he can go to bed later and play more with you after bath time on weekdays. My baby at 3 months went to sleep at 7pm - now that he is 17 months he goes to bed at 9pm or even 9:30pm - and this is ok because its all 100% our time to play and have fun.

Do not worry & do your best, everything will be ok.
enjoy your little baby - and trust that the LOVE you feel in your heart will do its trick =)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Miss Bee on 7th January 2010
I understand what you're feeling; I cried on the phone to my mom my second week back at work with the exact same concern. But like the other posters have said, you're son will absolutely know that you're mommy, and will be completely in love with you. Make the time you do have together very special and make bathtime lots of fun. On the weekends, play and spend lots of time together hugging and smiling, laughing and playing. In a couple of months, he will be able to show his love for you, and then even more in the years to come. You are experiencing the same concern that a lot of new working moms have. But he knows who you are, and you'll sson know how special you are to him! :)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Brantley's mom on 7th January 2010