Member Questions

im really 11 and im a big sister to them and my mom ( their mom ) wants me to help them learn

I agree with all of the other posters! It's hard enough to let go of the guilt you feel about not being there for every moment, let alone deal with the insensitive remarks of "friends" like that. One suggestion I have is to attend any events you can at your child care facility. They usually have community events on nights and weekends. That's a great place for you to meet other working moms, who will provide you with the support and encouragement you need and deserve.

I agree on the finding new friends. My SIL has made comments to me about using a daycare for my son also. She stayed home with her last child. there is a 10 1/2 year difference between her kids. The funny thing is my daycare provider is her cousin. I work b/c I want to. My son seems to enjoy being at daycare and seeing his "friends". He will be 2 at the end of Oct. You do what is right for your family and you. Don't worry about the comments from the SAHM. I would also say they are somewhat jealous. You get to go to work and talk with other adults about more than who was the celeb on Seasame Street and what Dora and Deigo did for the day. You can always tell them that you are working b/c you didn't spend all the money on college to show your daughter that she has to depend on someone else to survive. You are teaching her that she can do whatever she wants and to be independent. Also is shows her that you and your husband are equals when it comes to decision regarding how the house is run.

Being a first time mom and going back to work after your baby is born is very hard, you probably cried the first time you dropped her off at your sitter's house, right? And then probably sat in the parking lot for a few minutes staring at the sitter's door. Yup, I know the feeling. I was in the military for 12 years and have been a working mom. Trust me, its going to get easier. I cried when my first daughter called my sitter "mom", but when my second child came around, it never bothered me, I knew it was just a phase. The hard part was leaving my second child when he was 6 mths old to go overseas for 6 months, but remember, dad can pull as much responsibilities as a mom! This will also help your husband in the long run, he will know how hard it is to take care of a child and will always be by your side. Right now I am currently having my last child #4. But, friends like the one you mentioned, is most like just jealous and knows your weak point. And just remember, kids who are in daycare tend to have more social skills and will cope with the world better when they are older. My oldest is currently 10 years old and is very independent. Daycare kids usually handle regular sickness better and will have a higher immunity system than stay at home kids. Everything will be okay, and trust me it gets easier! Dont let others bring you down because they dont have the skills, quals, or motivation to find a job!

Thanks, ladies! I really appreciate the comments and support. I know I need to have tough skin, it's just hard when there aren't very many other full time mom's in our friend circle. It's so helpful to hear about how successful you all have been with it. I know it's the right choice for our family, it's just taking time to get used to not seeing her but a couple hours a night and the weekends. Comments like that just don't help things.

Perfect example of the saying "with friends like that who needs enemies?" That said, if you really don’t want to work, look into seeing what you could do to make that happen and would that be worth it? I know one family who decided that the 4 of them could live in a small 2-bedroom apartment so as to have one parent home. Another family knew they had worked 10 years to get a house and they weren’t going back. I think both are perfectly valid options; just make it YOUR choice, not someone else’s.
If working is the right choice, whatever your reasons, embrace them.
As to drive-bys like that, there isn’t much to say other than “ummm….EXCUSE me!?!?” or “I cannot BELIEVE you just said that” (emphases mine).
My top 3 of reasons to love day care:
1. very little missed school in the first couple of years because her body had seen those viruses already
2. socialization – my daughter has and ASD and the fact that she was forced to socialize, all day, from day one, means that socialization classes for her were about proper behavior modeling, not how to deal with children in settings some of her peers had never encountered before.