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Anyone else out there tired of all the articles and women who go on and on about natural birth and how great it is and how if you are not doing it that way you are doing a disservice to motherhood? I am not in any way referring to this particular website, the women here seem to be more accepting of every mother no matter what.”

Asked by oceans mom on 28th October 2010 | 6 replies

6 replies so far...

My daughter had a natural childbirth for my first grandson...only because she missed the window of opportunity to get a pain blocker. She was in GREAT pain!!! I also had a baby naturally because my labor was too fast....again it HURT!!!!!! My first daughter was born in 1977 the old fashioned way. They knocked me out and did a forcept delivery. When I wok up I had a new baby girl!!! LOL! I think I liked that way the best! that is the way my mom delivered me in 1960!

Flag as inappropriate Posted by marilyncorliss on 9th November 2010
I don't know where it all got started, but there are definitely people on both sides judging each other, and insecure women let it get to them and get defensive, and hit back harder. I have to admit being in my share of situations where I was hitting back against a trend of criticism against choices made by me or my parents. It probably sounded like judgment to those who happened along in the middle of the argument. At some point you ask yourself, (a) has this kind of argument ever convinced anyone of anything? and (b) why do I care what some internet personality thinks of my choices, when she's never met me or my kids? And most importantly for me, (c) why am I giving these people so much of my precious time? Now if this were an in-person discussion, I think I'd just say that this was my choice and I'm sure they make / will make their own choices with as much thought as I put into mine. Or if they don't have kids yet, I will say "I'm sure that when you have your children, you will show me the right way to do things."

I'm pretty sure that when my kid goes for a job interview, nobody is going to ask her: were you a natural birth? Were you breastfed? Did you co-sleep with your mom? At what age did you learn the correct terms for your privates? Did your mom believe in spanking? Did you enter KG early or late? At what age did your parents start letting you watch TV? Did they serve you organic food? Did they let you taste wine? Did you ride the school bus? Did you go to Sunday School? Did you get the MMR or HPV vaccination? Did your folks get you condoms just in case?

My kids started being curious about other people's choices at age 3, and that is when I started to teach them about what's "my business" and what isn't.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by SKL on 29th October 2010
I think that people will judge no matter what. I met a nurse who told me that she sees more and more babies who are dangerously underweight because the mother, even with the help of a lactating specialist, cannot make enough milk. These same mothers believe formula is evil and refuse to give the baby any, which actually makes the child more sick. Of course, I dont think there is anything wrong with breastfeeding - even in public - or natural birth or any of that stuff so why should anyone think badly of the opposite?

Flag as inappropriate Posted by oceans mom on 29th October 2010
Ultimately so many "good intentions" seem to end up down this path. Women simply have to educate themselves (from non-sensationalized sources) and do what they feel is right. Obviously in your case, you chose life/heatlh for yourself and your child over making a statement. Sounds right to me.

My kids were adopted, so I didn't get to make any of those decisions. I'm really glad I didn't have the opportunity to agonize over all the pros and cons, let alone the attitude of people who can't MYOB. My kids are awesome, just like most other kids. They don't have a big "F" on their cheeks because they drank formula. (But there are still some people who think they have a right to express an attitude about my having adopted them. Amazing.)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by SKL on 29th October 2010
I have just even had this conversation with some acquaintences and as soon as I tell them my birth story - which was in the hospital, with an emergency c-section, and me thinking I was going to die before I was given the epidural - I am blown off and looked at like I am evil, my doctor was evil and basically shunned. I had actually taken my birth classes at a midwife center and they also impressed to us that doctors and hospitals were the root of all evil when it comes to childbirth and if you cant breastfeed and give formula that you are the one doing something wrong. They told us that doctors do c-sections because they are lazy. Of course, I started believing all of this too until, surprise I had a major complication and had to have an emergency c-section and tried my darndest for two months to breastfeed and despite professional help, I could not provide sufficient milk and decided that my child eating enough was more important than where it came from and we started giving him formula. I had actually chosen an older doctor who did not like to do c-sections and he kept apologizing to me for having to do one. To me, it seems like this movement towards all natural births and all natural breastfeeding was meant to be a good thing but has turned instead into a new opportunity to judge and demean.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by oceans mom on 29th October 2010
I don't mind people telling their story - how they made their decision and how it worked out for them. I don't mind that people want the medical community to be more flexible about it. But as far as people acting like they are the best (and their kids are too) because that's what worked for them? Frankly, I have quit going to the websites that those people gravitate to.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by SKL on 28th October 2010