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I'm wondering how other moms deal with having to work when they want to stay home? I don't have the option to be a stay at home mom; I go back to work in two weeks and I have already started crying about it. When I left my first to go back to work I cried everyday for months. Now my second is 10 weeks old and I can see this won't be any easier. I know I don't have a choice, so how do I make it easier on myself?”

Asked by Melissa3492 on 13th November 2011 | 8 replies

8 replies so far...

My situation was different, but my sister put her first baby in daycare after a typical US mat leave. She found a daycare very close to her work, so she could go there during lunch and sometimes breaks. This helped in several ways. One, the obvious benefit of being able to see the baby for more of her waking hourse. Two, she was able to breastfeed almost exclusively for about a year. Three, she felt the staff at the daycare was more attentive to the baby and more likely to do what she asked, since they knew she might walk in at any moment.

In my case, I was able to work from home, so I hired a nanny. I put the kids in daycare at age 2.5, which felt right to me. They were almost to the age where they could tell me how their day had gone. I also did some math and convinced myself that they were still spending the majority of their waking hours with me.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by SKL on 27th November 2011
Uh I know how you feel. It does get easier. For me, I felt even worse because my baby was a preemie. Luckily, he was only in a daycare setting 2 days a week, as you and I know that means nothing. WE want to take care of our babies!!! My son went into daycare when he should have been just hitting one month old, he was the smallest baby in there and I was soooo scared. I cried when I visited and I cried from the minute I walked him in the the first day.

Can you get flex time from your boss? You know.... come in early or skip lunch... work a weekend day have one week day off?? I was luck to have that. I think I will be doing it again since my son's daycare is closing now.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by MissRie26 on 26th November 2011
Its emotionally challenging to be a working mom. Really good perspective on managing the dilemmas of working motherhood at www.primarydilemma.com.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lynn Hall on 25th November 2011
I have always worked outside of the home, my husband worked at a super max prison, he had a heart attack and our world fell apart, I worked though the 1st pregnancy which was before the heart attack, everyday as i left my child crying, I cried all the way to work. Tom had the heart attack when i was 4 months prego with Jada, I had to keep working it was our only income, I was bleeding and my feet were swelling so big that they cracked and bleed, the doctor finally gave me a choice. Quit work or loss the baby, needless to say I quit. We struggled so badly, no income for over a year, after having Jada I thought yes I can go back to work. I took Tom to the doctor for an appointment, they checked his heart, and his EFI number was 14, thats extremely terrible, they said his entire heart muscle was dead and he needed to get his stuff in order, they didn't expect him to live longer than 6 months, that was 4 and 1/2 years ago. With proper food, exercise and a new heart doctor he is still here, thank God. The doctor informed me he was to never be left alone, that the defibrillator they put in him would buy me one hour to get him to help. The ride home was a long one, I wanted to be there for him, but we were struggling so badly.
After many prayers about what to do, the strangest thing happened, a friend of mine was in network marketing, she sent me a link,but she just really used it to build the business she was in, I checked it out, and it had a little button that said click here to send a free card,so I did. The next thing I know I get a man emailing me saying thanks for sending a card on my system, most people cant get through it themselves. The strange part, is I should have sent it on her system, instead I end up sending it on one of the top earners in the company, and he's under THE TOP EARNER IN THE COMPANY. To say I had doubts about network marketing was putting it mildly, but as he explained, and told me what it cost to own my own business, I got more intriged, I thought for that price what do i have to lose. I joined and wow, its been the most amazing ride ever since. Now I dont have to work outside of the home. Most of the time people that start this business work outside of the home, and do this part time, its so amazingly simple. People actually call me wanting more info. about what I do, in a week and a 1/2 I had earned my start up cost back, now I am on my 1st step up, working toward the second step up. If someone has a job outside of the home like you do, they tell them this was meant to be a part time job, work Send Out Cards part time until you double your income that you earn at your job and have 6months or living expenses in the bank, then you can quit your job and go full time with Send Out cards. Melissa its the price of a car payment to start and its a one time fee, what do you have to lose, and the way God worked it out for me, He put me under the very best trainers in the company, matter a fact my trainer says it should be so simple that a 8 yr. old could do it, i put that to the test, my 9 year old does it and brings mom lots of business:). I know the feeling of wanting to be home, I know what its like to cry everyday when you leave them at daycare, its torture for women that want to be a home, for those that don't its fine. We are all different and we all have something special to offer the world. if your interested in working a few hours a week, just to see how it goes, let me know, I will help you daily, plus you will have all the free training from the top networkers in the world. I would love to help you, but only if you really think you would like to stay home, and your interest in building a team. I am looking for people that are motivated and go getters, my team of women are on fire, and were building a aweosme team, when one succeeds we all succeed. If you need my help let me know, just email me at sendoutangel@gmail.com I will show you what I do, if you think you could have a passion for it, then i will go out of my way to get you home for good, if not then we will look for something you do have a passion for, you have to know and believe in it 110% or people will pick up that when you talk to them, my company is not the only company out there, you dont have to join my team, but let find you something you are passionate about, and work it part time until you can work full time from home. Melissa it works, just give it a chance. Hopeing you the best, God blessed me and I know He will you. praying that you find a answer soon. Vanessa (sendoutangel)

Flag as inappropriate Posted by sendoutangel on 24th November 2011
My kids are now 6 and 8 years old. I remember "oh-so-clearly" when our oldest was born and all my internal struggles (tissues, anyone?). During my entire pregnancy I was so stressed out because I hated my corporate job and could never see myself leaving my little baby for 12 hour days to go to a place I hated. At the time, I was making double the salary my husband was making!!! We own a home, and like nice things, so I felt SO stuck! Then, by the grace of God, I began teaching part-time at a University near my work when I was only a few months pregnant. Once our daughter was born, we made the decision that we'd just "kiss it up to God" and figure things out along the way, so I can stay home, yet I still continued to work part-time as an Adjunct Professor. Yes, I was freaking out some days....but it just took some getting used to. At the time, I was only teaching 1-2 classes twice/week at night, so I was able to stay home and once my husband got home --- off I went to teach.

So here's my point: I tell all my friends that if WE could make it work so that I could be home with our kids....ANYONE can! I thought about how much $$$ I was spending when I worked full-time: my lattes, trendy clothes, commuting to Manhattan, going out to lunch....dry cleaning....oh and those mani/pedi's! Unbelievable how much we spend when we HAVE money! Once I really scaled back and realized that I didn't need all that much (materialistically, that is), we did it! Yes, my husband worked harder and began working in Photography part-time to bring in some extra $$$, but in the end --- I never had to step foot in a daycare center or call someone up to help me.

Suggestion: think of things you can do without. For example, I know this is a stretch, but do you really need that second car? Can you clean your house yourself and tell the polish cleaning lady you don't need her anymore? Are you willing to mow your own lawn to save $$$, while also getting a little workout? How about the morning coffee that you choose to buy ready-made? Can you make it yourself at home for 30 cents a cup. vs. $2.00? Are you willing to shop the clearance rack at Old Navy and get some cute $4.99 tops....or do you have to have the new arrivals from Banana Republic? If you wrote down all that you spend and just crossed off 5 things you can do without on that list... it will bring you that much closer to making a sound decision.

Please note: I DO realize that some people haven't any other choice. The point here is to weigh your options and realize that maybe even Part-Time work could be a perfect fit for you. That is what happened to me.... In fact, I WELCOME my time to go to work b/c it's my "adult interaction" that we all crave as mommies. Now my kids are getting bigger and I am getting my 'fill' of adult interaction through their school as well, but working is not a bad thing.....as long as you feel you have the balance that allows you to do the most important job anyone can give you:

Parenting.

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

Hope this helps you....even if it's just a little bit.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kifli75 on 23rd November 2011
My first day back to work after my second was worse than it was going back to work after my first. I have never felt so upset, but with each day it got easier and easier and now after a year and a half I'm OK with having to work. I wanted to stay home, but financially it's just not an option. After 9 months I asked my boss who had previously said my hours couldn't be changed if I could change them. So now I work 35 hours instead of 40 and get out at 3 instead of 4. The extra hour really helps. Some days I still get sad about having to work, but I like the fact that becasue I work my husband doesn't have to work nights or weekends so we can spend more time as a family. I also find if I get blue about being a working mom more when I don't get enough sleep. And I'm not afraid of using my vacation and personal time to break up the week's so I feel like I'm home more.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by B'sMommy on 21st November 2011
I still cry. My husband and I need for the both of us to work--we don't work full-time but we're away from our baby girl nonetheless. Sometimes it works out where he watches Adelle then I come home and he takes off for work, but sometimes we have to leave her with his mom. Our hearts are so torn and we miss her but we know it's for all of us. I cry all the time--maybe that's a little exaggerated, but I do cry a lot. I cried today because I will be starting a new job and the first day is a training. I will not be with my baby for 8 hrs! Oh well, it's two hours more than my normal work day schedule. I try to side on being thankful and positive: it's for all of us, we get to be with her in the evenings and on the weekends, she's in good hands, etc..

Flag as inappropriate Posted by Dea on 19th November 2011
I feel exactly the same way. My husband and I are in the same boat. Our daughter is 17 months old and we both have to work in order to pay the bills. Staying at home for me is not an option, although I wish it was; especially now that our daughter is learning so much. She is going through such a fun stage of growth and development. I so want to be the one home with her all day, playing and doing activities together.

I don't have an answer for you, however, I can offer my understanding of just how difficult it is. This is the reason I stumbled upon this site. I was looking for some support, since I don't know many working moms in my area.

I would encourage you to focus on the positive things, such as the precious time you have when you are at home with your family and how special that time is. Maybe one of the benefits of being a working is that we don't take that time for granted. We know how important it is.

Flag as inappropriate Posted by lauren91408 on 16th November 2011