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Are you considering having only one child? What factors go into your decision?”

13 replies so far...

  • This is a great question. My husband and I have procrastinated on our decision. We have one child ... we both want another ... but it never seems like the right time. And she's already four, so i'm thinking I've waited too late. I kinda wish I had another one 2 years ago.

    My husband is an only child and I'm one of six.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kishau Rogers on 10th October 2007

  • I was just getting ready to pose this question myself when I saw that it had already been asked. Glad to see I'm not the only one wrestling this this decision. We have a 14 month old daughter and I have to admit one is very appealing to me. I feel very in control and financially comfortable with how things are now. Considering we both work full-time I didn't expect that. It feels like things are actually "balanced," but I fear adding another would tip the scale.

    Honestly, when I look at people I know with 2 or more kids there's a certain level of chaos that seems unavoidable. Plus there's the financial impact. Not only would it be twice the daycare expense, but we'd also have to move since our current condo would be too small (we love where we live!), which would mean more money and most likely a longer commute to work (we both work very close to our jobs now). I realize those all sound like selfish reasons, but then I think about the fact that those are things that make me happy and stress-free...and that makes me a better mom, so isn't it important? But on the other side, I think about the fact that I have a sister and although we didn't get along that well growing up we do now. So then the guilt starts that I'm not allowing my daughter to have that same bond with a sibling. So far I've managed to escape all the other typical mom guilt so this one is really getting to me!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by cmary on 12th September 2007

  • After two late miscarriages (early in 2nd trimester) I feel the universe is sending me a message that one kid is plenty for us. Really my concern is more financial. We are just getting rid of the child care payment and I don't think we could make it with another kid- including cost of diapers, etc. I'm becoming more at peace with the decision to have just one - and the only people who ask are rude ones, I've decided. I've thought of maybe later - when my son is older - becoming a foster parent or adopting an older child. Maybe then we can afford number two!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by omommy on 10th September 2007

  • I find it interesting that people react so strongly to family it is any of their business! I am an only child and like Nataly I would have loved having a sibling I was happy with all the attention that I received growing up. However, I also have had to deal with my father's stroke and the loss of my mother alone. (Well - not alone, alone - I have my friends and extended family - but no siblings to be going through the same thing. So my experience has made we want to have 2 children so that they can hopefully have a relationship and help each other out through tougher times.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Sarah O on 9th September 2007

  • Great question. We are expecting our first child in a couple of months and I'm already being asked: How soon will you wait before trying for the next one???? Sometimes I just feel like reproductive horse.... We haven't even had our first kid and I'm already supposed to think about another one??? But implication is very clear - everybody just expects us to have more then one child....

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Victoria on 2nd September 2007

  • I think if we had lived in the States we would have had a second child, but with public schools not an option and private schools running $15,000 a year, we thought we could raise on kid the way we wanted to. Single children are common in Istanbul among professional types. When our daughter was awarded a 100% scholarship for academic achievement, I went out and bought a horse! He is my second child.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by KatieK on 31st August 2007

  • Florinda, that's good to hear:) I am, in fact, an only child and while I would have loved a sibling, I remember a happy childhood. My parents, on the other hand, believe strongly that we should have another - so don't know what that means:)

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Nataly on 30th August 2007

  • My decision was made a LONG time ago - I never really thought I could handle more than one, and that's where I stopped. He is now 23, and people tell me he's pretty well-adjusted :-). Nataly and StacyAnne, I agree that it can be a provocative question, but it's up to you and your husbands and no one else.

    I've been mulling over a blog post on this very subject, and I think it's now likely to come sooner rather than later - thanks for the inspiration! :-)

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Florinda Pendley Vasquez on 30th August 2007

  • Who knows what the future will bring, but we are strongly leaning towrd sticking with one. My only hesitation is that I love my own brothers and sister, and I feel a tad guilty of denying my daughter those relationships. However, for a variety of reasons, we just feel that one child might be the best fit for our family and our future plans, etc. I've also found that people have a strong reaction to this - they just seem to assume that of course we would have more children.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by StacyAnne on 30th August 2007

  • We considered it for a while, but now we're expecting number three, so I guess we changed our mind.... ;) At one point, one was all that made sense, but then our situation changed, so I guess you never know what might happen.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kristie McNealy on 30th August 2007

  • Well, I have three, so naturally, I am a bit biased.

    And I bet you thought I was going to tell you not to do it, didn't you? LOL

    Go for it!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Jen Creer on 30th August 2007

  • Oh, you just really made me laugh with this one, Jenorama!

    As for us, yes, we're actually considering this. I am surprised as how controversial this is - when I mention it to people, they give me the "REALLY?" response, with THAT look on their faces. There are many factors for us and this is a tough decision which we're talking about a lot (our daughter is three now), but I've been surprised at how strongly people react.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Nataly on 30th August 2007