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As a working mom, do you ever feel like you're failing in some aspect of your life?”

31 replies so far...

  • I have moments of feeling like a failure but, taken in perspective, I realize I haven't failed so much as took on too much...something like that! I don't think I'm being blind by not calling it failing, I think I'm just trying to stay positive and move forward.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Mandy Nelson - Dandysound on 8th November 2007

  • All the time. Not being with my son when he achieves something huge at the childminder's. Being too tired after a difficult night of my son waking to function 100% at work. Having to downgrade my job because I can't fetch and carry him from the childminder any other way and I want to spend time with him. Spending all my energy on my son and neglecting my husband because of lack of time and energy!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Leanne on 8th November 2007

  • One area where I have that "guilty feeling" is when I interact with my son. I'll be honest: I get bored?/tired?/etc. when we play together. He mostly likes to do pretend play, and I just kind of go along in whatever direction he may take it. But it's hard to fake the interest. I don't know if it really is because I find the activity boring, or if it's because I feel pressure to be doing something else. I have to wonder if it's the latter, b/c I MUCH prefer doing things with him outside the house. Inside our house, there are a million things that need to be attended to -- primarily cleaning & upkeep -- and I feel guilty about that, too.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by tkd_mama on 8th November 2007

  • Sure, as a stay-at-home working mom I often feel as if I'm failing in several areas of my life. Right now, my husband and I haven't had any time alone in a long time, my garden is on auto-pilot, home-cooked meals are sporadic, and my body is starting to show that I haven't been to the gym in weeks. On the other hand, my writing is finally taking shape, my advocacy work is kicking into high gear, my children are thriving in homeschool and private school, and our family life is ok. Nothing is ever perfect, but I'm not trying to live a perfect life. Failure is often an opportunity for improvement, or a reminder that some things just aren't important.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Living By Learning on 8th November 2007

  • Not frequently, but there are days I get so wrapped up in trying to get everything on my "to do list" done that I don't take the time to sit down and eat lunch with my family, read as many stories to my daughter as I would like, or snap someone's head off when they don't deserve it. I start to question whether returning to work was the right thing to do if I'm letting my most important job (mother) suffer.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Lisa Nelson on 8th November 2007

  • In the words of my son, "That's a bad word! You need to sit in time out!" I don't like the word failure. It has a finality to it, like death. It should be reserved for test scores only, and even then, it's still awful harsh. In the conventional sense, sure I sometimes feel like I'm failing - but that is not truly what's occurring - I simply didn't pay enough attention to an area, or I didn't recognize the immediacy of something. But that doesn't mean I failed. I learned a lesson, maybe.

    It's an interesting question, and goes right up there with the mommy guilt questions. Hard to answer. I can almost always do better in [Insert Area}, but as soon as I do, then there is another area that takes a backseat. I am generally very satisfied with my life and the balance I've incorporated, so I don't normally have that feeling of failure hanging over my head.

    Perhaps best explained by Thomas Edison, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Shannon B. on 8th November 2007

  • Oh my, what a question. Yep, I always feel like I am failing at being the best mommy and wife I can be! It especially bothers me that I can't be there for my kids as much as I'd like. I am working at home, but still do not spend enough time with them. I guess I try to think of my feelings of failure as reminders to myself to constantly prioritize and strive to improve the areas of my life that I am not satisfied with.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Irene on 8th November 2007

  • Absolutely, but most days I can accept it. In some ways it's not so bad b/c it reminds me to redirect my focus occassionally. On the days I can't accept it I'm lucky to have my husband to pull me out of the funk!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by JennS on 8th November 2007

  • First of all I applaud everyone for even talking about the possible feelings of failure. I think we have a responsibility as working moms, as moms, as women to at least talk about *reality*, sometimes it can mean feeling like a fialure, I suppose. I do think, however, any sense of failing is probably a case of glass-half-empty. For me (and I might guess, for most), the sense of failure comes from the things that aren't getting done while you focus on something else. There are those priorities that omommy mentions. With that, we can do ourselves (and our kids, families, friends, self-esteem, sleep-deprivation, etc.) a favor by being proud of what we can get done and then chipping away at the other "to-dos" when we can. It's about the journey, not the destination as they say.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by kellyr on 8th November 2007

  • Failure is a tough word but often I feel like no matter how hard I try to keep things together - it's never quite good enough. It's less about thinking I'm a failure and more about ways to be gentler with who I am and what I'm trying to do with my life.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Megan on 8th November 2007

  • I definitely feel there are times when I've "failed." I think if you're trying to give 100% of yourself at work, at home, to your family, and to yourself, then there are bound to be times when you feel like you've failed. I think it is physically impossible for one person to be perfect in every area all the time. And I think by admitting these failures we DO ease the feelings of pressure.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Leandra Nessel on 8th November 2007

  • Of course! I don't excercise as much as I should, spend as much time as I should with my kid, take time for myself like I should... A wise person once don't me "Don't should on yourself." Made sense. Its all a question of priorities. Right now I am the lowest priority - my kid, husband, and job get more of me than I do, but that's now and later it will be something else. I've decided not to think too hard about it!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by omommy on 8th November 2007